Crossing The Line
by thatcoolkids96
Summary: Years after the war the Fire Nation is in need of an heir that the Fire Lady has yet to produce. A favor ignites intrigue that could lead to a great scandal if rekindled desires cannot be locked away. Zutara some Maiko; Warning: Affair/Sexual Situations
1. Prologue: Despair

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Avatar: The Last Airbender.  
Rating: M  
Pairing: Zutara

**Crossing the Line  
Prologue: Despair**

A single cold tear made a slow track down the pale cheek of Fire Lord Zuko.

Dead. The absence of life. Deceased. Bereft of sensation. No matter how it was said it all meant the same thing, dead.

They had lost another one.

He stifled a sob as the reality crashed over him in waves. Dead. He hated the word with every fiber of his being. It surrounded him wherever he went. He couldn't escape it. It was his world now and everybody knew it.

His heart ached as he watched the child sized coffin be placed atop the pyre. A flutter of white silk robes, whipped about by the wind, dragged Zuko's attention over to his wife. Mai's hand gripped her father's arm in a vice like grip and she sagged against him trying to constrain her own agony. Her skin was deathly pale and the constant onslaught of grief had made her so thin he was sure it couldn't be healthy. His eyes only stayed on her briefly. He wished he knew what to say to her, how to comfort her but words had been lost between them some time ago.

They buried their third son today.

Mai had given him a total of five children and yet Kami had seen fit to take them all away. Every healer in the nation had visited her. Every one of them had said the same thing. They next child would survive, they were sure of it. But they had been wrong, over and over again.

Their first child, a daughter, had been stillborn. They had mourned together but had vowed to try again. Their second child had been a son. The entire fire nation had rejoiced at his birth. Sadly, he had died just short of six months of life. This loss had put the first cracks in their marriage. He hadn't known what to say to her and apparently the sight of him had been too painful for her for some weeks. When finally she fell pregnant for the third time the nation had waited in silence for the verdict. She suffered a miscarriage. Servants shuddered to remember the day she ran sobbing through the halls and threw herself before the statue of Kami and begged to know why, why she couldn't give her husband a living heir. His advisors had begun to whisper their doubts but he refuse to listen, refused to give up on her. Attempting to salvage what was left of their happiness they had tried again. Their second son had died in his arms only two weeks after birth and their final had been stillborn.

His advisors begged him to take another wife and he refused them repeatedly. She was shamed enough; he would not dishonor her with abandonment. Her shoulders shook and the tears leaked down her cheeks but her face was a beautiful mask. Only he and her chambermaids knew of the dark circles, hidden by layers of fine white powder, that shadowed her eyes. The fire had long since died from her eyes and he could hardly remember what her smile looked like. The exhaustion and despair were beginning to chip away at her strength and he could see her façade cracking more and more with each day but there was nothing he could do for her. They didn't speak, she wouldn't look at him, he didn't know how to make things right with her. They were lost to each other. The cold, emotionless person she had always shown to the world was the person taking over at all times. Her humanity faded more with each day and she became more of a moving statue, a presence, rather than a person.

They had been happy once but the continual loss had driven such a wedge between them, he feared it would never be repaired. He prayed daily for the answer. He needed an heir. He had too much respect for his wife to leave her. His people looked to him for an answer. An answer he just didn't have. How could he think of the future when his heart was breaking now? How could he try again when the result was always the same? Why did Kami see fit to torture him so? Was this retribution for all his past mistakes? How did he make things right?

The prayers had been said and the final blessings spoken. He stared into the flames that leapt to the pyre and began to lick at his son's coffin. He saw Mai's shoulders tremble as the coffin was consumed in flames. His hand twitched and his eyes drifted down to stare at it. It was habit to want to reach out to her, to want to comfort her, but what good would it do. She'd only push him further away.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"My lord, as the Fire Lady, the lady Mai should be aware that you can choose to take to bed whomever you please. She ought to understand her duty as Fire Lady is to provide this nation with an heir and as she has not done such we must do what is necessary to preserve the royal line. Do you not understand that without an heir our nation's peace possibly ends with you? Without an heir civil war is sure to break out and we have only just lost one war we cannot afford another. Please be reasonable my lord. If the lady Mai should choose to be difficult about such matters, then she isn't fit for her title. We cannot risk civil war."

"Hold your tongue or so help me it will be cut out." Zuko thundered, glaring hatefully at the adviser standing before him. He knew all this and if he had intended to act on it he would have. He didn't need his advisors stating the obvious and certainly not so frequently.

The man quaked under Zuko's fury but Zuko could see it in his face; he was not ready to back down. It pained his heart to know that this man was so convicted because he was absolutely right. Zuko had a duty to his people and his loyalty to Mai was preventing him from fulfilling it. How could he do such a thing though? How could he ask her to give her consent to such a plan? Wasn't that a mockery of her inability to give him a child? He could never be so cruel. Wasn't it enough that his wife was constantly receiving looks of pity while courtiers mocked her behind cupped hands?

He couldn't ask his wife to raise another woman's child. That was too cruel. He knew all too well that unrest was brewing. Plots were being formed for the future and much scheming was occurring in the dark corners of his palace. It sickened him. Suddenly every distant cousin was at court and anyone with even an ounce of royal blood was finding supporters for their hopes to put their own children on the throne.

In response, Zuko's advisers brought him the same plea over and over again and his answer never changed. There had to be another way. His gaze turned to the open bay window of his study. The sun shone brightly as if calling him to freedom.

He wished he could go to Ba Sing Se and visit his uncle. Surely Iroh would know what to do at a time like this but his councilors got so nervous whenever he mentioned leaving the city. The Fire Nation wasn't at war or threatened by any outside attack but the lack of an heir left his people with a constant concern for his health and safety.

It was a constant irritation as he was young and fit. He missed his friends, he missed his uncle, but most of all, he missed his freedom. He had longed to please his father and become Fire Lord for so much of his life but all the title had really brought him was public misery and a constant headache. If he were an ordinary man he could escape the looks of pity, the entire nation wouldn't have to know his troubles and they wouldn't badger him for answers he didn't have. He and Mai could have a quiet life together rather than be pressed for another unsuccessful attempt at bringing a child into the world.

He could be content without children. While he longed for a son or daughter he would rather have his wife smile again than put her through this loss over and over again.

He sighed. He wished he had the answers. He had gained so much but he still seemed to know so little. In the first year of his reign as Fire Lord, Zuko had worked tirelessly to restore the peace with the various nations and offered whatever aid the Fire Nation could to the lands they had destroyed. He'd spent the next couple of months in the new era of peace searching for his mother. It had taken time but the Lady Ursa had been found posing as a refugee musician within the Earth Kingdom. Apparently a descendant of a close friend of Avatar Roku had seen fit to hide the deceased avatar's granddaughter.

It had been a great victory in his eyes and she had been incredibly supportive throughout his losses but she maintained that the decision on how to handle the situation was entirely his own. He wished she would just tell him what to do.

He blew out a breath, fluffing the fallen strands of hair off of his forehead. He needed a distraction from the constant onslaught of misery. He was in no mood to work but by the looks of the reports on his desk he was expecting visitors within the week. He skimmed the page, the avatar and his long time sweet-heart, Katara, were expected. He'd like to be overjoyed at the news of seeing his friends again. He hadn't seen them in years but how could he truly celebrate anything with such a heavy burden weighing him down?

- -

Katara breathed a sigh of relief as she packed the last of her things into a sack and passed it to Aang to be placed on Appa's back. It was exciting to be traveling again. It had been six years since the war and life had slowed to a dull halt. She missed the excitement of the unknown. She missed the adventures and the danger. Now she could pretty much assume each day would be like the one before.

She offered Aang a small smile because she could tell he was watching her. She couldn't confess to anyone but Suki that she was beginning to feel awkward in his presence. Things had been great between them following the war when they had traveled together helping people rebuild. But when their help was no longer needed, she began to realize perhaps things weren't so great. He continued to travel saying it was his duty as the avatar and she had no qualms with that. In fact, she wanted to go with him but he always claimed it wasn't necessary. She already knew that, she just didn't like sitting around the South Pole doing nothing with her life. Aang on the other hand had been hinting at the idea of settling down, establishing a real relationship maybe even a family. She resisted pointing out how that wasn't possible because he was never around.

She sighed. In all the years she had been with Aang she had come to understand her love for him was far too similar to the love she held for her brother. She feared "settling down" wouldn't change that. How was she supposed to tell him that she quite possibly wasn't as in love with him as he was with her? She enjoyed his company and their few romantic moments were sweet enough but she just wasn't satisfied. She wanted unpredictable, she wanted passion.

She was flattered by the way his face lit up whenever he returned to her. She felt loved when wrapped in his embrace but she felt as if she were forcing herself to return his affections. It didn't come as simply as in childhood. He claimed he wanted to settle but their relationship remained childish. They went penguin sledding and had snow ball fights, most of their conversations ended in giggles or tickling. None of those things were bad but as she grew older she wasn't sure that was what she wanted any more.

He was 18 now and yet she still felt like she was dealing with a child. In some ways she felt they would forever be stuck in a teenage relationship and she was becoming bored with that. Her personality hadn't changed, her morals hadn't lessened, but she was 20 years old and still uncertain as to when her significant other would start acting like an adult. If she could close her eyes and imagine a future where she and Aang were a wonderful and happy couple she wouldn't worry so much, but all she could see was herself sitting alone waiting for him to return from the North Pole or the Earth Kingdom or the Fire Nation. She'd go to greet him and he'd ask her something silly such as whether or not she wanted to go penguin sledding.

To make matters worse she rarely if ever got to use her bending any more. Much as Aang loved bending he had decided to lead by example in ending violence. He had decided that unless it was for the purposes of helping others, there was no need to bend in a time of peace. She wanted to strangle him every time he scolded her desire to spar just for fun. She was frustrated from being denied the ability to use her gift on a whim and she felt as though she was wasting her life away.

She enjoyed helping people, of course, but the life of a healer became dull all too soon and the life of a midwife just reminded her of the future she'd probably never have. She was certain in time Aang would want to get married and have children, as he kept implying, but there was no telling how old she'd be by the time he was actually mature enough to handle all of that.

She couldn't understand how Suki had given up the life of a Kyoshi warrior to settle down with Sokka here in the South Pole. How on earth could that life be fulfilling? Didn't she miss fighting and traveling? Didn't she feel her life was lacking?

Katara had asked once and Suki had replied with a simple no. She loved Sokka and she loved their children, that's all she really needed these days is what she'd told Katara. She often visited Kyoshi Island to see how things were going with her old friends and to teach her children the basics of being a warrior but other than that Suki had taken rather easily to a more domestic life. On the opposite end of the scale, Katara wanted to scream as she felt trapped by domesticity. She felt guilty recalling how Suki had explained the ease of change when you're in love.

Katara was not easing into change; did that mean she wasn't at all in love? This and other doubts plagued her often. She needed to rekindle her feelings for Aang. He loved her and for him it was easy. It should be easy for her too. She felt that perhaps she simply needed to try harder.

Thus, she had jumped at the chance to accompany Aang on his trip to the Fire Nation to deliver a report on the progress of the Southern Water tribe and to bring a midwife from the Southern Water tribe to see Mai. The South Pole had made a miraculous recovery from its decreased population and was once again full of life. Katara wished she could be happy in this new life but she simply couldn't find a way to fit into domestic life. She craved adventure. It was simply in her nature.

- -

Mai brushed her hair in long smooth meticulous strokes. Her face was set in an emotionless mask and her eyes never wavered from the mirror before her. Distantly she heard her attendants complimenting the silky sheen of her hair as they bustled in and out of the room with an assortment of dresses that had been altered to fit her thinning frame. Her heart was broken and the pieces scattered over the many graves of her lost children. She had done everything the healers had told her to do but still none of her children survived. Her last hope was the midwife coming from the Southern Water tribe. If she could not give her husband an heir this time she would surely be replaced.

A tear slid down her cheek as she set down the golden brush that was in her right hand. She stood like a statue as she was slipped into the regal silk robe that had been hanging beside the door. She sat again as a servant twisted her hair up into its usual style. Placing her golden flame into her hair, she left her room, head held high.

She ignored the looks she got from most servants, who whispered about her ghost like appearance, she ignored the chattering of courtiers who couldn't wait to see her fall so that their daughters might have a chance at the throne; she ignored the advisors smirks as they schemed to get rid of her. She paid them no attention as she entered the temple and removed all her finery before falling to her knees before the statue of Kami. She bowed low and knocked her forehead against the stone floor respectfully. She needed a child, preferably a healthy baby boy but even a girl would do at this point. Her husband needed an heir otherwise she would have to suffer the shame of being a failed queen.

It pained her to know that her husband was being called weak because of her. She was well aware of the people's desire to see him take a new wife and his loyalty brought tears to her eyes. Zuko was stronger than they'd ever know. She wished she could tell him how happy she was that he stood up for her. She wished she could tell him how much she loved him. She couldn't though. She had to distance herself, if she failed again, she would not make him suffer the guilt of knowing how much she still loved him. He could move on easier if it seemed that all love had been lost between them.

Her ladies bowed around her and her heart lifted slightly to hear their murmured prayers. There were few still loyal to her. On either side of her, her two closest ladies, Emi and Suzuki, remained determined to see her through. She'd had a court of nearly sixteen ladies now she had six. She had let the girls who wished to return home out of her service. She knew it was hardly their own decision. Wealthy families often used their children to move up in the world. Zuko had been furious that the girls had left her service but she was happier to let them go than to be surrounded by spies. Outside of Emi and Suzuki, she couldn't trust any of her ladies. She knew they were informing on her to their families and the advisors.

She saw how they had changed their dress hoping to catch the eye of the fire lord. He barely spared them a glance as they posed and sighed and carried on in the most ridiculous fashion hoping he would take a personal interest in whatever ailed them. He was a good man.

For him she would try again. For him she would step aside quietly if she failed.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Zuko paced back and forth, feeling restless and irritated. Every time he was approached by one of his advisers it was about the same damn thing. He would not disgrace his wife by taking another. He'd been so furious today he'd threatened to adopt an orphan and make the child an heir. They had been horrified at the suggestion of not just tainting but completely ending the royal line. That had sufficiently silenced them for the day.

Now he stalked around the throne room impatiently awaiting the arrival of Aang and Katara. Mai's hazel eyes followed his every movement. She was somewhat afraid of him in these moods but would never admit it. They had ceased discussing their troubles and now she could only wonder what was going on in his head. She wondered if he was angry at her, if he regretted marrying her, if he hated her for making him look weak. She knew his adviser's opinion and yet he had remained faithful to her. She clung to the hope that it was out of love and not just a sense of duty or honor but it was difficult to tell with Zuko. He had become a master of hiding his emotions.

She chose to believe he stayed with her out of love but it was so hard to know. When he was like this he shut everyone out. He paced and scowled but never actually lashed out. Every chose to be more cautious hoping to keep his anger at bay.

She would have liked to ask him to sit with her but she was afraid to speak. She was unsure of how her voice would sound. She hadn't used it in so long. She didn't blame her servants for thinking of her as a ghost even she knew she was merely a shade of the woman she had once been. Her eyes were empty and sad, she looked deathly pale and constantly ill, and while her face was still a picture of porcelain beauty, no words fell from her lips unless they were whispered prayers.

Her eyes dropped to the floor. She had previously resolved to feel nothing to stop the hurting. She had pushed Zuko away to hurt him less but if she were to try again, one last time, she would need him to return to her. Her weakening body and spirit was poisoning their marriage.

She would change that. She was determined to. She had to live again. Her last healer had told her as long as she was dead inside she could not create life. She resolved to regain her health and then, she would try again, one last time. If she failed again she would do Zuko the favor of stepping aside. She would be far too ashamed to continue on.

"My lord, my lady, the avatar and his companion have arrived." A guard announced.

"Take their things to their rooms and send them directly in." Zuko commanded.

The guard bowed out and Zuko turned to Mai. He offered her his hand and she couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his lips, the first in years. If nothing else, Zuko was always a gentleman. She placed her hand lightly in his and rose to join him on the floor to await their guests.

Her fingers where cold in his warm hand but her touch seemed to calm his. His jaw was still tight but the tension in his shoulders lessened. She gazed at his profile as he watched the door waiting for their friends. She tried to determine if was happily anticipating their arrival or just ready to be done with the audience. It was impossible to know. She released a silent sigh and turned her gaze to the main doors as well.

In a matter of minutes, the doors opened again admitting a guard who bowed and a herald who announced Aang and Katara. He bowed low and then stepped to the side. Despite the hardships that consumed him, Zuko managed to smile for his friends.

- -

Katara hadn't realized how much she had been anticipating this moment. Such fond memories filled her at being in the Fire Nation again. The palace was as beautiful as ever. She remembered the warm nights, after the war, that she had spent lying in the garden with her friends just gazing at the stars and making light conversation. She remembered the spontaneous decision to play hide and seek in the palace and the way the servants had laughed at their childish games.

Her smile was subdued, however, by the lack of smiling face that had met her upon arrival. The servants weren't full of the joy and the warmth that had once seemed to surround everyone within the palace. It seemed life here was somehow missing. Everyone held an air of sadness. She turned questioning eyes to Aang.

"Eh, Katara, there's something you should probably know before we go in there." Aang said in response to the look she was giving him.

"And what's that?" She asked.

"Zuko…Well, Zuko's probably different now." Aang started.

"Different how? You don't think he's going to be like his old stuck up self do you?" She frowned.

"Er, no, not exactly. He's still a good person…he's just…sad." Aang struggled for the right words.

"Sad why?"

"Well, I didn't want to upset you by telling you but there's a reason I wouldn't let you come with me to the Fire Nation. I didn't want to make you sad or have you worrying about things we can't change." Aang said.

Katara was really confused now. She glanced at the midwife who had traveled with them. The third party hadn't made much sense but she had a feeling it was suddenly all about to be very clear. Maybe the prince was sick. That would be cause for sadness.

"Mai and Zuko have been having some trouble." Aang informed her.

"Are they fighting?" Katara asked.

"Well, no, not really. They're not talking to each other much but that's probably the worst of it."

"Then what's the problem. Why aren't they talking?"

"They can't, uh, well, they're having trouble having a baby. Well, no, that's not right either. They've had children, they just haven't survived. It's been really hard on them." Aang told her.

"Oh, oh poor Zuko and Mai. That must be awful." Katara murmured. A part of her had wondered why they had never heard much from the Fire Nation. She had received the news of the loss of Zuko and Mai's first child. She had wanted to go but Aang had thought it best if the two were left alone. She had attended the celebration of their second child and now the sadness washed over her. She had once wondered why they had never received an invitation to celebrate the child's birthdays and the answer filled her with such grief for her friends. Why hadn't Zuko written to her? How many more had they lost between now and then?

She wanted to run in and hug them both. She wanted to cry for them and hold them close until everything was alright. A part of her was angry with Aang for not telling her. Perhaps it wasn't her place but as a friend she felt she should have been there for them. Maybe Zuko or Mai needed someone to talk to. She certainly would have volunteered.

"It's really taken a toll on them. I just wanted you to know because things probably won't be the same."

"I'm sure." Katara said softly. "Maybe I can find a way to help."

"That's why Shar'ay traveled with us. She's going to see what she can do for Mai. In the meantime, maybe we can find a way to help them be happy again. If anyone can inspire hope, I know you can." Aang grinned.

"Thanks Aang." Katara beamed. _'Hope.'_ She smiled. That was certainly something she could help with. She'd see Zuko smile before she left or she'd kill herself trying. She bit back the grin that was battling its way to her features as she recalled Zuko's smile with a certain amount of fondness. He had a very attractive smile, well; his face in general was very attractive. The scar gave him an edgy look and his shaggy hair had made him worthy of a title such as teen heart throb. She was almost ashamed to admit it but she had definitely had a school girl crush on the older boy back in their younger days but the idea of them together was sheer ludicrous. Opposites don't attract, they fight. Zuko had Mai, she had Aang. He was older, cooler, hotter, and to top it all off, a prince. She was, as he used to call her, a water tribe peasant. She didn't stand a chance and had let the attraction fade into a childish fantasy in the years since the war.

She tried to imagine what the years had done to him. He probably looked tired and over worked now. He'd been tall back then but she doubted he'd grown much more since then. His golden eyes had been so bright with youthful determination but she was certain the losses had robbed them of their gleam. She frowned, she couldn't imagine his eyes as dead but she could picture them full of sadness. She was impatient now. She needed to see him, to talk to him, to make things alright.

"Come on Aang, they're waiting for us." Katara said tugging on his hand. "We have to go help them."

"Katara don't get too worked up. I'm sure they don't want to talk about it anymore than they have to." Aang advised.

"I know that. I'm not going to bombard them with questions. I just think they need their friends right now. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this but we'll worry about that later." Katara ranted.

Aang shook his head. There was no stopping her now. She'd set her mind to the task of healing this failing marriage and he doubted she would rest until someone was happy in this palace.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Zuko struggled to keep his expression neutral as his friends appeared in the open doorway before him. His inner-child woke up at the sight of his friends and he wanted to run to them and wrap them in a hug that would never end. However, that was both over dramatic and a ridiculous notion for the Fire Lord to entertain. Instead, he remained stock still beside his wife and marveled at how much they had grown.

Aang was taller now and while his face had retained many of its childish features Zuko could tell he was stronger now. The younger man wore a foolish grin but carried a depth of wisdom in his eyes. He carried himself with a greater sense of importance than he had in the past and Zuko was proud of him. His form was still lithe and his muscles barely visible, but Zuko was certain he was still a masterful bender.

Next to Aang was Katara. Zuko was completely blown away by her appearance. Six years was a long time and she had certainly done her share of growing up. He knew his gaze stayed on her longer than necessary but he couldn't tear his eyes away. Her long brown hair was half up and half down, swaying from side to side with her every step. He had to check himself when he suddenly found his mind wondering how soft and silky it would feel between his fingers. Shaking his head he resumed his assessment of this older Katara. Her beautiful blue eyes were as soft and understanding as ever. Her high cheek bones and soft jaw set off her very kissable full lips. Her lips alone enticed Zuko with thoughts he should never speculate on. His eyes lingered on the slender slope of her neck and again he was struck with an inappropriate yearning to not only touch but to taste her skin. Would it taste like its tan shade of caramel? How warm would her skin be? Did she still smell like fresh rain?

He shook himself. What was wrong with him all of a sudden? Mai was standing right next to him and in the six years they had been married he had never so much as looked at another woman. It was true that here almost all the women looked the same; but was Katara's exotic appearance really that shocking? He knew what she looked like. She had grown up, yes, but this was Katara. Irritating motherly Katara, Katara who had hated him for so long, and the Katara he had mocked as a child. The girl who never quit nagging.

Breathing out a quiet steadying breath, he drug his eyes away from her neck and made the mistake of letting them drop and settle on the full swell of her breasts. He was mildly shocked noting how generously she'd been endowed and the slight straining of her dress in that particular area. He'd never noticed her chest before but then again they had been children when they had last seen each other. One would think as a hormonal teenager that would have caught his attention. He started counting back in his mind trying to determine how old she had been for an explanation.

In truth, he wasn't overly surprised, she was from a Water Tribe and their fertility rate wouldn't be so high if there wasn't a desire there first. Her beauty was almost unreal to him. She looked so soft, he just wanted to reach out and touch her to be sure she wasn't a mirage. He'd been attracted to Katara in his childhood, he'd never spoken a word of it when Mai had come back into his life but now he was fairly certain he'd have the task of burying the curiosity that welled up in him yet again.

Everything about her was just so exotic, how could he not want to explore? Her shapely legs were as firm and toned as he remembered but her hips were definitely more pronounced then he remembered. Zuko couldn't think of a single reason why the avatar would hesitate to marry her but that was none of his business, maybe Aang was receiving the benefit without the commitment. _'Nope._' Zuko shook his head; he couldn't really see either of them being okay with that. Aang had the teaching of the monks restraining him and Katara had her self-respect and pride to keep her under control.

- -

Katara's mouth felt dry. Her heart was doing double time and she suddenly felt very hot. After what Aang had told her, Katara hadn't quite pictured Zuko to be so…so, what was the word? So hot, so utterly masculine. Sad was not a word she would use to describe the man standing at the front of the room. While Mai did look moments from death, Zuko was radiating power. Katara didn't think she'd ever seen such a regal man in all her life. He was tall as he'd always been but now it was absolutely terrifying and thrilling to be staring up at the hard golden eyes that were trained solely on her. Her cheeks were aflame with color. The only thing more thrilling than looking at him was the feeling she was getting from him looking at her. It made her feel powerful, dangerous, and even a little sexy. She felt mildly embarrassed. Aang had never, in their entire relationship, looked at her that way. She wasn't sure if Zuko was doing it on purpose and now she was worried that perhaps she was unintentionally staring at him in the same way.

She'd struggled with a childish crush on Zuko during their travels together but she had known in her head that it was an absolutely ridiculous fantasy. Seeing him now, she half wished she had pursued that crush because she could potentially be married to that breath taking man. It wasn't hard at all to picture a thrilling future with him. Her day would be made if he'd just look at her with such a fierce intensity.

She felt ashamed at the ache that flared to life and coursed through her just because a man was paying attention to her. She was all about the morals but she wasn't getting any younger either. She wished desperately to be married so that she might be free to answer her questions about adulthood intimacies. She supposed it might actually be a good thing Aang didn't look at her that way or make her feel sexy or she might have to hate him just a little bit for implying by never actually getting around to taking the final step. In this curious, hormonal state, being around Zuko was going to be a problem.

The arrogant nature he had exuded when they'd first met him had returned. Only this time, she noticed it seemed somehow sculpted into his hardened features as he stood there unmoving. His hair fell past his shoulders now and it shined a beautiful coal black. He had jilted the outer robe and long sleeves in the blaze of summer heat. As she looked around it seemed the entire court had changed into their summer attire. None of them wore it nearly as well as Zuko did. His shirt did nothing to conceal his muscles as they stretched over his torso. His arms were probably the size of her neck if not bigger. She could only imagine how exhilarating it would be to spar with him now at peak physical condition. He'd been a heck of a lot scrawnier as a teen but now he certainly resembled his father in this burgeoning masculine form.

Her eyes ran briefly over his well sculpted face lined with a strong tight jaw. Her eyes paused on the familiar scar that she had once offered to heal and she was proud of him for no longer being ashamed of it. She felt the heat wash over her and the almost magnetic attraction to him. He sparked a longing in her that she really desperately wanted to explore but knew was very wrong to feel.

Next to him, Mai looked so very frail in comparison. Her face held the same disinterested mask that it always had but her skin was paler. Her stare was flat. She'd lost a lot of weight and her eyes held a dead look. She wasn't heaving sighs of impatience or boredom as she had when they'd met before. Instead, she just looked tired. Katara actually felt guilty making her stand to greet them.

Katara and Aang stopped a couple of feet before Mai and Zuko and bowed respectfully.

"Welcome back Avatar Aang, Katara." Zuko's deep voice made Katara want to swoon. She had to take a deep breath before rising from her curtsy. If there weren't so many people around she would have slapped herself in an attempt to snap out of this ridiculous crush. She released the breath she'd taken, slowly and let her eyes slowly raise.

Her calm steadying breath was a waste because the minute she was fully standing, she was enveloped into Zuko's strong embrace. He smelled like green tea and ashes. His embrace was like being wrapped into a warm blanket and Katara couldn't help but sigh from contentment.

"It's been a long time Katara." He murmured, eyes boring into hers. She couldn't even speak, she was drowning in the deep gold of his eyes. She exhaled slowly nodding mutely not sure she could trust her voice. She almost fell over when his gaze abruptly left her and he turned to Aang. The two grasped forearms and shook, exchanging pleasantries. No one was looking at them oddly so Katara had to assume their hug had lasted for a normal length of time but to her it felt as though she'd been wrapped in a small bit of heaven for the longest time. _'This is really, really bad.'_ Katara thought to herself.

Mai gave a slight bow of her head to acknowledge Katara and Aang but otherwise, didn't move. Katara dropped into a second short respectful curtsey and Aang bowed again.

"Come, we must celebrate your arrival." Zuko announced offering his arm to Mai and gesturing for Aang and Katara to follow.

Katara watched as Mai's pale hand slipped into the crook of Zuko's arm and she walked gracefully beside him. _'She may look like her soul's been sucked out but she's still a perfect picture of nobility.'_

"Shall we?" Aang grinned, offering his arm to Katara. She smiled at him and took the arm offered.

'_I have to focus on Aang. I'm here to work on my relationship on Aang. I mustn't think about Zuko. I need to help Mai.'_ Katara chanted in her head as she tried to avoid staring at Zuko.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Zuko was in trouble. He had never anticipated being attracted to Katara again. He'd never actually thought about her growing up and being anything other than the girl he remember either. She was **not** a young girl any more, though. She was very much a woman now and a sensual one at that. He would have liked to be able to run a hand through his hair as had been his frustrated tendency in the past but that would have a hoard of servants rushing to his side to fix his mussed hair and advisor's hounding him to know what was on his mind.

Actually, that wouldn't be so bad right now because it would be incredibly easy to lie. Last night's feast had gone well enough; he'd managed to keep his eyes off of Katara for the most part. She had asked to see him and he was avoiding it. Thus, she had spent the morning with Mai. He was regretting this now because Aang was out delivering a message from the Earth Kingdom about trade with the local merchants. Zuko in turn had been left alone…well, he was never really alone. He'd kill to be left alone. He instead had left himself with no reason to not go see his chief advisor who had requested an audience with him.

Bad idea.

If looks could kill he would have ended everyone in the room. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, what he was hearing. Hadn't he made himself clear in saying he wasn't taking another wife or even contemplating a concubine? They'd just had a midwife brought up from the South Pole; why on earth would his advisors think to offer him a room full of women? Beautiful as they were, Zuko was furious.

"How dare you? On what authority do you believe you possess the right to imply my wife is barren?" Zuko growled, grabbing the nearest advisor's robe and dragging him close so that he could read the fury in Zuko's eyes.

"My Lord, I have done no such thing I swear it." The old man claimed.

"Then what are all these women doing here? Do you deny that they are part of your scheme to give this nation an heir?" Zuko continued.

"N-no sire, please, allow me to explain." He begged.

"If they are here to give me a child then you must assume that my Lady cannot give me one." Zuko hissed.

"They are here under the pretense that you require a concubine in your time of grief sire. They know nothing of your desperate need for an heir, I swear it."

Zuko was mildly irritated by the word _desperate_ though that would perfectly describe the situation. They had kept the last two losses quiet from the people. His nation believed they were taking a break, meditating and praying for a healthy child. He really had no idea how the façade was working but he doubted it would last much longer.

Zuko's face was a hard mask. "Continue."

"They are only here because they believe they are to audition for the place of your concubine sire. You are free to select any woman here and when she falls pregnant she will be taken away to the countryside to have your heir. When the child is born, her silence will be taken care of and the world will not know the difference."

Zuko's face had turned from a hardened empty mask to a look of disgust.

"That is a horrible and dishonorable way to treat anyone. I would never use someone in such a way and I would not disrespect Mai. I will hear no more of your schemes. You are dismissed and take these women with you." Zuko ordered. He practically threw the man on the floor before he stormed out. It was a shame his advisor infuriated him so. He'd fire them but they weren't stupid. They were rather genius actually, they just happened to be using their intelligence to try to help him solve a problem he didn't want their help fixing.

He was in such a foul mood that he pushed servants out of his way rather than stepping to the side to allow them to pass since their hands were generally full of stuff to deliver. He slammed his palms against the large double doors leading to the garden and entered still fuming.

"Zuko!" His mother's shocked voice startled him. "Good heavens what's the matter? You're frightening the turtle ducks."

He glowered at her as she leaned over the pond and cooed to the ducklings trying to bring them out of their hiding places.

"I'm sorry, mother, but I can't say that I actually care about the turtle ducks at the moment." He snapped. He instantly felt guilty for being so snippy with his mother. His look of remorse turned to a scowl when he heard her chuckle.

"Zuko, come sit with me." His mother's voice was soft as she beckoned him over.

He heaved a tired sigh and dragged his feet over to where she sat beside the pond. He sat slowly and she welcomed him into her arms and guided his head down to her lap.

"Look at you, all grown up and still such a temperamental boy." She laughed.

"Haven't I the right to be temperamental? Life isn't exactly sunshine and rainbows right now mother." Zuko sulked.

"It is an unfortunate situation that you find yourself in my son." She murmured, stroking his hair.

"Tell me what to do, mother." He loved how she knew without him having to say what exactly was on his mind.

"I cannot. This decision is yours alone as it is you who will have to live with it."

He sighed dejectedly, twisting a blade of grass between his fingers.

"I can, however, impart some wisdom, perhaps?" She offered.

"Anything?" He mumbled.

"Sometimes, Zuko, to do the right thing you must do things you don't always find so pleasant. You will do almost anything when there is someone you love, someone you need to protect. I never dreamed I would commit the crimes I did that night…so long ago…to save you, but I did and I don't regret it, even to this day. I knew what was most important to me." She said cupping his face. "What is most important to you? Your wife has tried so diligently and has taken the blows valiantly but a nation cannot survive without an heir. You need only to name a noble's child heir if you want an easy fix, however, if that becomes problematic. You could adopt but that would insult the nobles. You could speak to your wife about taking a second wife, would you feel so guilty with her consent?"

"Yes, she still ends up disgraced. How does one make the choice: the potential for civil war or dishonoring your spouse? It's all bad."

"It isn't easy but the answer will come to you. I promise." His mother murmured. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

- -

Katara sighed in frustration. This morning had not gone at all like she'd hoped it would go. She'd tried to see Zuko so that she could get him to talk about how he was doing but he'd been busy all morning. She'd switched gears and decided to start with Mai. She'd quickly discovered that talking to Mai was as effective as talking to a wall. The conversation was completely one sided. Mai mostly looked at her with such hauntingly chill eyes that Katara had made an excuse and bolted.

It wasn't that Mai hadn't tried to be active in the conversation it just seemed that she struggled for words. Her voice had been barely audible from lack of use. The weak smiles made Katara feel guilty as though Mai was pushing herself to entertain for Katara's sake. But mostly, her lifeless eyes had chilled Katara to the bone. Deep inside, Katara knew there was nothing she could say to heal Mai's wounds. There were no words that could restore this woman to life.

After fleeing Mai's room, she had tried to find Aang but he was out "keeping the peace" as she had started calling it in her mind. It was a little disappointing but she couldn't complain. Giving a shrug of her shoulders she returned to her room to dress for dinner. Zuko had ordered another banquet and last night she had felt underdressed. She had still been unkempt from travel and though they were in their summer robes she still felt out of place surrounded by the silk cloths with their gold and silver linings, the women with jewels in their hair and around their necks, and the carefully made up faces of the court.

She couldn't help the childish glee that arose from being wrapped in pretty dresses as she had the last time she had been in the Fire Nation. Zuko's generosity hadn't changed in all the time since they'd last seen each other. This morning alone, a variety of silks had been brought in for her closet and dozens of glass bottles with scented water lined her vanity table so that she may choose her favorite. She'd fallen in love with the silk slippers that now lined the floor of the wardrobe; there was a pair for every dress that had been brought to her. She felt shamefully spoiled.

She chose a deep red dress with black and gold flowers decorating the hem. It was held up by a single band covering one shoulder and leaving the other bare. Again she felt alluring and sexy and Zuko wasn't even looking at her yet. She piled her hair up into a bun with random strands spilling down and over the back and to pieces pulled intentionally at her temples to frame her face. She allowed a red paint to be applied to her lips before smiling at herself in the mirror. Perhaps Aang would take her more seriously as a woman now. He'd look at her and realize they weren't children anymore and he'd make a real commitment to her and maybe they could go back to being a team. She'd be less of a mother to him and more of a, well a wife, hopefully. They could travel together and it would be wonderful. She could kind of picture that in her head.

She bit her lip. If Zuko wasn't on her mind she could probably picture herself with Aang a lot easier but that was almost impossible now. She kept comparing Aang to Zuko and for any girl 13 and older there really wasn't a comparison. Zuko won, hands down. He was impressive and more than any girl with eyes could handle without a warning. She frowned and forced that thought of her head. She was with Aang. She had to stop thinking about Zuko. He was a married man.

Finished dressing, Katara looked at herself in the mirror. She could see the lovely young woman she had become and she was pleased with her appearance. She didn't know if that counted as vanity but she hoped not. She was aware that her appearance attracted much male attention but until seeing Zuko she hadn't felt any real sense of pleasure from the way men stared at her. In fact, normally she'd be offended by the way men gaped at her. She was more than a pretty face. Zuko knew that and perhaps that was why his look affected her differently. She chose to believe that was why his look affected her differently.

She exited her room to stroll around the palace. Courtiers were milling about everywhere. While the older lords were working and plotting, the young were merry and flirtatious. The servant's gloom did not seem to reach these young people. They had little care in the world for the matter of succession was an issue their father's would deal with. Katara gave a sigh of relief at this. She had been afraid the trip would be completely depressing, with Aang away, Zuko busy, and Mai so very cold but the energy of the youth here reminded her that life goes on.

She wished Zuko weren't so busy. She was certain his spirits would be raised if he were able to spend the day frolicking in the sun. She half wondered if Mai could be lured from her rooms to join the festivities. From what she had learned Mai spent all her time either in the temple of in her rooms in a sort of self imposed exile. Looking around Katara couldn't imagine putting herself into exile here. There was so much to do in comparison to home. There were many handsome faces adorned with charming smiles turned towards beautiful young women with innocent grins.

Katara felt a certain energy from being around so many people her age. Among them, she didn't feel out of place or guilty for wanting to flirt and be merry. She was pleased to know that Aang's love of dancing and revelry would match her own desire to be young tonight. His energy was alas at the right time and place. She glanced out the window and up at the sky wondering when he would return.

She sighed softly, folded her hands and wandered out into the vast gardens to enjoy the sun's warmth. She found more young men and women her age there. In the center of the garden there was a young man with a blindfold tide over his eyes. He was surrounded by a group of giggling ladies, running to and fro as he attempted to catch them. The girls toyed with him, running close and tapping him on the shoulder and dashing away before he could catch their skirts. His laugh was warm and full with each miss.

Katara chose to sit on a bench near a group of young women who were playing cards and gossiping.

"Well if can't be long now. He can't delude himself forever." One of the girls whispered.

"Even if he does intend to delude himself he has a duty to his people. Father says the council is putting on the pressure." Another girl agreed.

Katara frowned; it didn't take a genius to figure out what they were talking about.

"My mother has had me fitted for sixteen new dresses, all in the Fire Lord's favorite colors." One said smugly.

"Well if you believe a dress alone will catch his eyes." The first girl sniffed.

"And I suppose you've got a better plan?" The smug girl simpered.

"Friends or not the prize is the crown. I won't be sharing my secrets with you." Was the haughty response.

"You do realize they're not going to put just anyone on the throne. You're going to need far more noble blood if you have any hopes of being with him. He won't leave her willingly so the council will be forced to pick which means a political alliance." One of the girls snapped.

"Good thing my father has a lot of influence then." Was the last response Katara heard before tuning them out.

She shook her head. These girls were shameless. The conversation angered her and reshaped her view of the people around her. They weren't merry because life was good. They were merry because they believed themselves on the edge of great gain. They were hoping to benefit from throwing themselves at Zuko and lure him away from his wife. The sly grins and exchanged whispered were more than flirtation but silent scheming.

She found herself horrified by how open they were about their scheming. They were acting so casual about it, sitting in his gardens and plotting against his lady. She wondered how often he heard it in the hallways. Did they bother to be quieter when he was around? Did they bother to be silent when Mai was around?

Katara's heart ached for the two and she felt the need to gather them into her arms. She suddenly understood why Mai would rather be in her room or the temple than be in this company. Who could be trusted?

Rising and dusting herself off, Katara left the garden and returned to Mai's room. She would try again to speak with the Fire Lady. She would try harder to provide the company that no one else here would. Surely that would make Zuko happy as well.

She paused outside of Mai's door. The guards were looking at her as she stood there hesitantly.

Was she any better than those girls out there? It suddenly occurred to her that half of her drive to help Mai was her ultimate goal to make Zuko happy. When she thought of why she wanted to make Zuko happy, she wished that it was only their friendship that came to mind as a driving force but thinking of him, her cheeks flamed with color. She wanted to help him because she wanted to be in his favor. She wanted him to make time to see her and she wanted to see him for more reasons that to simply comfort him.

She drew back from Mai's door. She'd feel horribly guilty if he invited her to see him because he wanted to thank her for cheering Mai. She couldn't use Mai to get into his presence. Then she would be like the women outside. She grit her teeth. She needed to go comfort Mai and not think of Zuko. She needed to do this for Mai and not Zuko. If she saw him she needed to go only to comfort him, not because she took so much pleasure in his looks.

She nodded to herself decisively. _'Zuko must not enter my mind. I will go in. I will play cards with Mai and I will focus on her. This is for her, not for me to be in Zuko's favor. He is my friend I already have his favor. I am going in for the right reasons.'_

"I am here to see the Lady Mai." Katara spoke clearly to the guards.

They looked at her curiously but opened the doors without commenting on her odd behavior.

Upon entering Mai's privy chambers Katara took in the scene with new eyes. In front of the fire, four of Mai's ladies sat sewing and gossiping then barely looked up as Katara entered. Katara shook her head sadly. Looking at Mai's bedroom door, Emi sat dutifully outside the door painting an intricate pattern on a tea cup.

"Is she in the mood for company?" Katara asked Emi.

"I don't know that she's ever in the mood for company any more but Suzuki is inside reading to her so perhaps she will allow you to join her." Emi said tiredly but with a hopeful smile.

Katara nodded and waited as Emi knocked and asked for permission to allow Katara in. They heard Suzuki give the Fire Lady's acceptance of her guest. Emi opened the door for Katara and closed it once she was inside. She shot a hard look at the ladies by the fire before returning to her painting.

-

Mai's empty eyes watched Katara's cautious approach. She tried to smile at the younger girl but she felt it came as more of a grimace.

"I thought you might like some company before dinner." Katara murmured feeling loud in the otherwise silent room since Suzuki had stopped reading when she entered.

"That would be nice." Mai said politely.

"Perhaps a walk in the gardens, my lady? The sunlight and fresh air will be good for your health." Suzuki suggested. "We can take cards."

"Yes, bring cards and tell Emi to bring her lute. Some music would be nice." Mai nodded. She was glad her voice was slowly becoming stronger. If she spent more time trying to entertain perhaps she could recover her health sooner.

* * *

A/N: Please review. It both motivates me to write and improves the story. Your ideas and opinions are taken into consideration by me. So tell me what you think.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Mai's eyes followed Zuko's every move as he got dressed. While their relationship had been strained in the last couple of years, Mai had never actually been truly concerned that Zuko would look for a replacement for her anytime soon. He'd been offered a variety of women and courtiers thrust their daughters at him daily but he paid them no attention and if he did give them attention it was only to dismiss them from his presence. Dinner the night before had made it abundantly clear that this was no longer the case.

She was certain her husband hadn't meant to stare and she could tell that he was trying to distract himself but Katara had captivated him all night long. He kept piling his plate with food and not touching it. He had tried to lure Mai into conversation to keep his eyes on his wife and she had failed to aid him. On reflex she had clammed up rather than come up with witty conversation to hold his attention. It was easier for her to respond to questions rather than come up with anything fresh to speak of on her own.

She couldn't be truly angry with him. He had tried to stop staring and half the court was doing the same thing. It was the girl. She held such an exotic beauty; it wasn't everyday that a woman from the water tribe came waltzing through the palace. Her skin was a mystery to them, her eyes were enchanting. She exuded a peaceful nature which drew people to her and her smile was so sweet it made Mai sick to her stomach.

Mai huffed an annoyed sigh. She couldn't exactly be angry with Katara either. She was a sweet girl and it wasn't her fault that she was foreign and beautiful. Mai wanted to be angry with her but she couldn't. Katara had been nothing but kind to her since her arrival. Her company was refreshing and her face was open and honest. Mai knew it couldn't be easy spending an entire afternoon with her as Katara had the day before. The girl had managed to maintain her bubbly bright personality despite Mai's own dour one. Along with Suzuki they had played several pleasant hands of cards while Emi played alongside them.

Sighing, Mai decided she would just have to accept that she was in trouble now. It was a bad time to have changed her mind about distancing herself from Zuko. Now that he was attracted to someone else, he might actually start entertaining the idea of being with someone else. She would be edged out and her last attempt to be with him would never happen. Fortunately, she could trust that despite Katara's lingering gazes, the younger girl clearly wasn't there to threaten her.

Still, Mai knew she would have to do something quick if she wanted to save her marriage. Rising from her perch on his bed, she mumbled an apology and made her way out of his chambers. She'd spoken to the water tribe midwife yesterday but she'd go and see her again today for any advice the woman could give her.

- -

Katara kicked the end of her bed and then winced immediately regretting the action. She was just so angry though. Aang had done it again. She'd just returned from his room. She'd been planning to ask him to join her for breakfast but of course, he wasn't there. He'd already left to attend to some business. She ground her teeth in frustration. Why couldn't he invite her along every once in a while? Didn't he want to spend time with her? Why did he invite her if he didn't want to spend any time with her?

After yesterday, she felt no desire to be around the other young people at the court. Iroh wasn't here to play pai sho with, Zuko still hadn't summoned her, Mai was praying, and Katara had yet to be formally introduced to Lady Ursa. Thus, Katara was left to wander alone yet again. Her high hopes for this visit weren't going as expected. She barely saw Aang and she hadn't truly helped Mai or Zuko.

Last night it had taken all her effort to keep her eyes off of the Fire Lord. Whenever her eyes wandered towards him she got lost in his aura. When his eyes would lock with hers, her breath was stolen. She had been in a trance of sorts watching his lips. She wasn't sure how long she had been staring at his mouth when Aang finally caught her attention. She'd felt immensely guilty and had struggled to keep her attention on Aang for the rest of the night.

A last stolen glance at the royal couple had helped Katara to keep her eyes off of the Fire Lord. Mai was watching her too. The Fire Lady's eyes started on her husband and then followed his gaze to Katara. Katara hadn't made herself appear any less guilty of watching Zuko by whipping her head down to stare at her plate.

Now, Katara needed to blow off some steam. All this pent up frustration was getting to her. The guilt and worry that Mai would think she had come to steal Zuko was suddenly weighing heavily on her mind. Throwing open the doors of her chamber, Katara stomped down the hall and asked for directions to the training grounds. Thanking the young man who aided her, Katara made her way to an area of flat land beside a lake.

'_Isn't that convenient?'_ She thought.

As she got nearer, a disappointed frown crossed her face; someone had beaten her to the ring. Her jaw nearly hit the ground when she recognized a shirtless Zuko doing push-ups in the center of the ring.

"There isn't a Fire Lord only training ring for you?" Katara grinned as she got closer.

Zuko didn't even pause in his workout, he knew who it was.

"There is but it's not as calming as the ring by the lake that I've used since childhood." He said.

"So this ring has sentimental value." She mused.

"I wouldn't go that far." He grinned, turning to sit facing her. "What are you doing here?"

"I was actually planning to work out but it would seem you beat me to it." She stated.

"You can spar with me, if you like. It's been a while." Zuko shrugged. Even when he said it, his mind was screaming bad idea and now that those swaying hips were moving closer his mind was ringing bells and flashing warning signs against spending even a second more alone with her.

"You're on sparky." She grinned, recalling the name Toph had used for him in their childhood.

"Take your stance sugar queen." Zuko smirked, she wasn't the only one who remembered Toph's tendency to rename everyone.

Katara laughed as she set her stance and gave Zuko a challenging look. Being this close to a shirtless Zuko probably wasn't going to help her win on top of the fact that she hadn't used her bending to fight in such a long time but the offer was so tempting.

"Ready?" Zuko asked, setting his stance.

"I was born ready." She joked.

"Alright then." Zuko laughed, punching a fist forward and starting the match with a burst of flame heading towards her.

Her reaction was quick. She gathered a shield of water and thrust it at the oncoming flames. The fire and water hissed as they met releasing steam into the air. She felt a shiver work its way up her spine at the sound. She could see Zuko smirking at her from the other side of the misty sheen causing her heart rate to double.

Calming herself, she coiled a loop of water around herself. She spun and slashed a water whip in his direction. He dodged it easily and leapt at her punching two balls of fire at her and kicking two more from his feet. She dodged to the side and then raised her hands up and brought them down causing a sheet of ice to break over his head and come crashing down around him. He created a cocoon of fire effectively melting the shards before they reached him.

He ran at her blasting shot after shot of fire in her direction. She ducked and ran out of the way while looking for an opening for her next strike. She got her chance when a huge stream of fire was blast directly at her center. She dropped to the ground and rolled under it. She formulated another water whip and lashed it in his direction. He dove out of the way, landing on his hands and easily sprung back to his feet.

Katara rushed at him throwing watery punches. He returned each hit until finally their fists made contact. The steam hissed from between their fists and they paused to look at the hazy world they'd created. Katara knew her hair would be a frizzy mess at this point. Her clothes were sticking to her wet skin and she was certain she probably didn't look very attractive at all at the moment. Zuko's hair was sticking to his neck and cheeks and his skin glistened with a fine sheen of watery droplets that had resulted from their attacks.

"If the whole saving the world thing hadn't worked out at least we could have opened our own sauna." Zuko joked.

"I think we'd have been captured and executed by your father first." Katara grinned.

"You make an excellent point. Good thing we won."

"I agree." She laughed, before swirling her hand through the air and collecting the steam into a water whip. She grinned at his expression. "You didn't think we were done, did you?"

"Of course not." He smirked.

Katara drew back her hand ready to attack when suddenly her feet were swept from beneath her and she landed on her back hard.

"I win." Zuko declared.

"Pft, not yet." She laughed, locking her foot behind his knee and jerking forward. If she had thought that one out first she would have seen how that was a bad plan but she hadn't completed such forward thinking. She needed to place her foot lower to make him fall backwards instead she just jerked forward slightly above the back of his knee which resulted in him falling on her.

The only thing that saved her from being completely crushed was Zuko's forward thinking of reaching out to keep from falling completely on top of her. One knee was to the left of her left thigh, the other hand landed between her legs. One hand was right beside her shoulder, the other was on her right breast.

"Sorry!" Zuko blushed, snatching his hand back and sitting up.

"Uh…" Katara's cheeks were red from embarrassment and she couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"How's your head?" Zuko asked.

"My wha-?" She'd been caught off guard by the question.

"Your head…from the fall?" He asked again.

"Oh, oh my head. It's fine. I'm fine." She stammered her blush increasing. "How are you?"

"Fine…" He responded confused.

"I don't mean your knees, Zuko." She sighed. "I meant you, in general? How have you been? I'm sorry I haven't been here. I…I didn't know."

Zuko blew out a breath. Was that what she had wanted to talk about? He felt guilty for blowing her off this morning. She was just concerned about him.

"I'm alright, I guess. It's hard sometimes and I'm confused about a lot of things but life goes on." He surmised.

"Zuko," She said with a pointed look. "Talk to me. I'm your friend."

When he looked at her, she saw it. All the hurt and the pain she had been expecting it was there, all this time it had been there but he hid it so well, now his eyes shown with the sadness.

"I just don't know what to do…" He began. In all the time she had known him, Katara had rarely if ever seen Zuko cry but now she witnessed a tear, roll silently down his cheek. She couldn't think of anything to do but hold him close and let him cry out the pain he kept inside every day.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her, setting his head on her shoulder. He couldn't hold back the torrent of tears that followed as he surrendered to her loving embrace. Her cool fingers stroked his back and her cheek was pressed against his forehead. She whispered to him so sweetly that for the first time in years he let his guard down completely. He let her inside the walls he'd put up to protect himself from the harsh realities that faced him every day. He finally allowed himself to grieve for his lost children as he hadn't in the past. He'd been expected to be strong. He had to hold it together for Mai. He couldn't let his people see him crumble. But none of that mattered now. Not here in Katara's arms. She wouldn't judge him. She would be the strong one now so that he could give in to weakness.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: I want to start out by thanking those who reviewed. It always makes me happy to get your feedback. So again, please review.  
**.:** Currently I don't have the answer to your question. I am still trying to decide this myself. At present I'm not certain there is a way for them to be together without some feelings of guilt (with the exception of killing off Mai…which I have considered, lol). They're both good people. However, it won't be as heavily on their minds as the story progresses.

**Chapter 6**

Once he had started Zuko's update of the past six years had poured out of him. It seemed as though he had been waiting for this moment. Katara had felt an instant rekindling of the bond between them. He understood her problems so completely because he was suffering the same thing. He was surrounded by people all the time but felt so completely lonely. There was no one he could talk to, no one who could understand or listen without judging him. He and Mai had been together far too long for him to leave her. He cared for her deeply. He had questioned himself on occasion as to whether or not he'd made a mistake in marrying her but the answer didn't matter, she was his wife.

He knew what his responsibilities were. He knew what his people expected from him but he had his honor. He couldn't just give that up. He'd worked so hard to recover and maintain it.

"I just couldn't do it. I don't know those women; I can't trust those women and who knows what he meant by take care of their silence. For all I know those crazy schemers would have the poor woman killed to keep the secret from coming out." Zuko ranted about the most recent actions taken by his advisors. "It just seemed wrong."

"You did the right thing." Katara murmured. "Have you talked to Mai at all, about…about what she thinks you should do?"

"How can I? I can't bear to bring it up around her. She's in enough pain. Talking about it would just remind her of the losses and then she might feel that I'm pressuring her as well. I can't do that Katara." Zuko explained, shaking his head sadly.

She felt bad for him. That was a lot of pressure for one person to be under. Her hand stroked soothing circles up and down his back. It was an inappropriate time to be thinking it but she couldn't help but marvel over the soft and yet firm smoothness of his skin; neither could she resist snuggling closer to his warmth. His hair was like silk, brushing over her fingers every time he moved his head. Her fingers would get distracted curling into the soft silky strands before she realized what she was doing and returned her attention to comforting him.

She shook her head to clear it of her distractions and focus on their conversation. Now was not the time to be drooling over him.

"When was the last time you talked to her?" Katara asked.

There was silence. Katara's eyes drifted to his face and took in the thoughtful frown. It dawned on her that he couldn't remember. Aang hadn't been wrong when he said the marriage was strained.

"She needs you to talk to her Zuko. You're both hurting." She said slowly. "You're the only one who could possibly know her pain."

"Wouldn't I hurt her more by making her talk about it?" He asked, sitting up.

"There's no closure if you don't talk about it. By not talking, how do you know she doesn't feel that you're angry with her? That perhaps you resent her?" Katara suggested, recalling the faraway look that had come to Mai's face whenever Zuko's name had been mentioned.

Katara had been watching Mai. She'd seen the meek look that came across her face in Zuko's presence. She'd noticed Mai kept her eyes lowered in a submissive fashion. This behavior usually suggested a fear of upsetting someone.

Katara looked at Zuko's face again feeling he'd been silent too long. Her eyes widened seeing his pale face.

"Zuko?" She questioned.

"What have I done?" He breathed. "I did this. I made her like this."

"What are you talking about?" Katara asked, her hands gripping his shoulders.

"I didn't want to hurt her so I pushed her away. I thought she didn't want to talk about it but that's only made it worse. I've made her so much worse. I wasn't there for her when she needed me." He was rambling.

"NO, Zuko, no. That's not at all the case. You love her and she knows it. If you didn't love her you wouldn't defend her so much. You wouldn't stay by her side through all of this. She has to know you love her. She just doesn't know in words how you feel about the situation." Katara explained. "She doesn't know how to fix your hurt because she thinks she's hurting you by being around you. Do you understand?"

His eyes were on the ground as he contemplated her words.

"Talk to her Zuko. She just wants you to be happy so maybe together you can come up with a solution." Katara suggested.

"You're right Katara. I need to talk to her. We need to think together about this." He said.

Katara nodded, continuing to stroke his back soothingly. That sat in silence and she felt his body relaxing further against her. She glanced down at his face and saw that his eyes were closed. She leaned close and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. She watched him with a tender gaze until her own thoughts startled her out of the peace she had found with him.

Some part of her mind had whispered words of love. She shook her head. That had to be a mistake. She loved him like a brother and that was it. She bit her lip contemplating disengaging herself from him. Clearly, the close proximity was making her crazy. She had just talked to him about fixing his marriage. She couldn't be thinking that she was in love with him. She should be thinking about being in love with Aang.

She gave a sigh of despair as she turned her gaze up to the clear blue sky. Why was this happening to her? Why couldn't she quell this silly crush? It was ridiculous. Her friends were in pain and she was sitting around lusting after a married man. She wanted to cry out her frustration but she didn't want to disturb Zuko. If he saw that she was upset he would ask her about it until she talked to him about whatever was bothering her and that was one confession she had no intention of making.

- -

It was late afternoon as Mai sat in her chambers listening to a group of musicians Zuko had sent to entertain her. Two of her ladies were singing in accompaniment and two of the others had joined in with their own instruments. Emi and Suzuki sat dutifully on either side of her sewing and listening. Between them, Mai embroidered a handkerchief for Zuko. She often made little gifts for him to remind him of her love but had ceased to actually send them in the last few year.

She had brought the trunk full of trinkets out into her privy chambers to begin making repairs and adding more details so that she could finally give them to him. Emi and Suzuki had discreetly removed the many baby clothes they had embroidered or knit. They didn't want Mai to be sad seeing them. Mai's heart was warmed by their care of her.

The room was quite tranquil and still lively which meant Mai was making progress in her recovery. She lifted a silent prayer of thanks for that. Soon she would hopefully be ready to make a return to court. She was eating better and Emi swore she was already starting to look healthy again. A small smile curved the corner of her lips. She breathe in a deep breath and released it, hoping that Zuko would be pleased with these changes.

Mai was suddenly startled, the handkerchief dropping from her hands, as the doors to her chamber flew open. Her ladies gasped and there was a flurry of motion as they dropped their sewing and put aside their instruments to bow to the Fire Lord as he entered. The musicians dropped to their knees and bowed their heads as the sovereign entered.

Zuko came straight to her and took her hands in his.

"Come with me?" He asked, lifting her hand to his lips.

She blushed at the random invitation but set aside her sewing and stood to follow him.

He gave a meaningful look to her ladies to stop them from following and swept her from the room. They were barely out of the room before the whispered started. He heard Emi and Suzuki attempting to sush the girls but it was to no avail. He drew Mai out to the cherry blossom garden where they walked in silence among the falling petals.

Her excitement at being swept away was starting to fade as they walked, the silence lengthening each moment. Had he brought her out here to tell her it was over? Was he going to abandon her for Katara? Her heart clenched in fear as she realized this may not be the thing she had hoped for. She tried to push the fear away. She tried to be practical. Her husband couldn't possibly be leaving her for Katara. She was with Aang and he was an honorable man. He simply wouldn't do that to her. Then again, there were plenty of other women he could be leaving her for. The council might have set it up. Perhaps his honor only extending to him telling her himself.

"Mai…" Zuko began.

"We have to try again." She said cutting him off. "Once more my love and then you can leave me."

He was shocked. The sadness in her voice tinged with desperation tugged at his heart. Her tear filled eyes softened his hard look. He drew her closer to him and kissed her brow.

"Yes, we will try again. If that is what you want?" He said.

"It is. I have spoken with the midwife and it is." She nodded. "Please don't take another wife yet."

"I have no intention of taking another wife, Mai. Not now, not ever. I married you." He said cupping her face in his hands.

"But if I can't…" Her sentence trailed off. "If I…"

"Then we'll find another way… a surrogate… I don't like it but it can be done quietly."

She nodded against his chest. He drew back from her, taking her shoulders into his hands.

"You're agreeing to this?" He asked.

"Yes. You need an heir, Zuko. You must have an heir." She said firmly.

He nodded and then pulled her back into his embrace.

"I've never been angry with you." He whispered after a pause.

She didn't say anything but he felt the wetness of her tears and the release of tension in her body. She had needed to hear that. He would have to thank Katara for advising him to tell her.

- -

"My lord this is preposterous. If I may be plain with you, the Fire Lady cannot produce a healthy heir."

"You were not given permission to speak plainly." Zuko snarled.

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you what everyone is thinking but it is the truth of the matter and it must be accepted."

"Lies." Zuko shouted.

"Your majesty, be reasonable. Think of your people."

"I am thinking of the people." Zuko snapped.

"Will you have them wait nine months just to be disappointed again? Prepare a back up."

"A back up?" Zuko asked incredulously.

"Another child, my lord. Lay with another woman until she conceives. In nine months if the Fire Lady has given you a healthy child then the woman and her child will be cared for. But if the Fire Lady produces no heir, you will still have a child. In fact, it would be simple to pass the child off as the Fire Lady's as the people will have seen her swell with child and…"

"Enough! Enough, with your schemes and foul plots. Listen to yourselves. All of you are completely immoral. Have you forgotten you are dealing with people?" Zuko shouted.

"It is not immoral it is preplanning my lord. You needn't become emotionally involved wi…"

"I said enough." He said it quietly but firmly. The men surrounding him fell silent.

"Leave me." He ordered.

They hesitated but left him in peace. They knew they had destroyed his moment of hope. Some of them felt terribly but they couldn't allow the Fire Lord to delude himself. It was unrealistic to expect this child to live when the others hadn't. They left him with an ultimatum. He must consent to this back up plan or lose the support of his council. Without the support of his council he would be declared a tyrant and the civil war they all feared would commence.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry I've been gone for a while. Exams and end of semester stuff had me busy and then the holidays but I am back now. :D

**Chapter 7**

"I don't know what to do." Zuko murmured.

He was leaning with his back against Katara's. They were sitting beside the pond crumbling bread and feeding it to the turtle ducks.

"You don't want to risk civil war." Katara said quietly.

"You're agree with them?" Zuko demanded, jerking away from her.

She glared at him after catching her balance. Katara placed her palms on the ground and turned slightly so that she could look at him as she spoke. She had been avoiding looking at him since that seemed to cause her mind to wander but she needed him to understand what she was saying.

"No! It is appalling what they are asking but what other choice do you have? Think about it. If and I am saying if, not when," Katara stressed. "The child doesn't live. You'll have to do the same thing anyway, won't you?"

He glared into the water. She bit her lip, holding back the urge to retract her statement. She hated the very idea but this wasn't about what she did or did not want. It was about a nation and politics. Appeasing the people was never an easy thing. It was becoming increasingly apparent to her that peace was far more difficult than war. She wanted to shout and complain but she needed to be level headed and firm with her decision so that she could help Zuko be strong.

"Do you have a better plan?" She asked.

"No." He muttered gloomily.

She chose to be silent, allowing him to come to his own final decision. Zuko noticed and couldn't help a small smile. Katara knew when to press and when to give. In moments like these, she was like an extension of his conscience. With her, he could voice his true opinions and feeling while letting her be the politician for a while.

"Mother says, to do the right thing, first one may have to do something wrong." He mumbled; his golden eyes staring at the clear surface of the water. He knew his statement wasn't a necessity in this conversation but it seemed fitting to get Katara's opinion on this view.

"She's right. Everything about the request is wrong but it seems to be the only option." Katara agreed quietly.

"I hate to do this at the same time. That says I expect my wife to fail. It should be after." He said.

"It should be." She stated, looking at him knowingly.

"But it cannot be." He agreed seeing the look.

She placed a hand gently against his arm in a comforting gesture. He took a deep breath, resisting the urge to shiver at her touch. It was difficult to have these conversations with her because his mind was always straying from the topic at hand. Her presence drove him to constant distraction which only added to his worries at present. There was so much going on and it was hard to think with a lust addled brain.

"How am I going to tell Mai?" He said dropping his head into his hands.

Katara was silent. It was a horrid thought that came to her mind. Horrid in that it was scheming but her heart was in the right place. Mai was hurting and Katara didn't know how much more the poor woman could take.

"What are you thinking Katara?" Zuko asked seeing her brow furrowed in thought.

"Nothing." She said shaking her head.

"It is something. Say it." He encouraged.

"It is a horrible thought." She said.

He raised an eyebrow. "I doubt that."

"But it is. I was thinking, perhaps she doesn't need to know. If your child lives then the other woman and child could be kept quietly as promised by the council. It's not as though Mai knows where all the royal funds are going." Katara shrugged apologetically.

"And if the child didn't survive?" Zuko pointed out.

"Then you'd have to tell her… or not…" Katara said as quietly as possible.

"Or not?" Zuko frowned.

"What if you told her the child was hers? She'd be so happy Zuko." Katara's face showed her torn feeling of disgust at the idea and hope at bringing joy to Mai.

"Your heart is in the right place but you were right the first time. That is horrible trickery." Zuko chided.

"I'm sorry." She murmured.

"It's alright. You were only trying to be helpful." He said.

They fell into silence; both watching the turtle ducks.

"Who would you have?" Katara asked after a while. She tried to look as though the answer didn't really matter to her but she was curios. Zuko and Mai had been together since their youth. If she hadn't been around, what kind of girl would Zuko be into? What was it he was looking for in a bedmate?

"What?" Zuko asked his wandering mind returning to the present.

"Which of the courtiers?" Katara replied, swirling her fingers in the water and keeping her eyes down.

He winced. "I hadn't thought of that."

She nodded. She knew he hadn't thought of it but he would have to now. She couldn't help the twinge of jealousy as she thought of the young women in his court. One of them would be fortunate enough to give him his heir if Mai was unable to.

Katara shook her head. Her attraction to him was stirring all sorts of desires within. She shouldn't be jealous of the woman who would bare Zuko's children. The only children she should be thinking of having were Aang's. Her eyes rose to the sky contemplating this notion.

"It would have to be someone I can trust . . . which excludes everyone at court." He laughed humorlessly.

"What about Ty Lee?" Katara suggested.

"She's in the Earth Kingdom with the Kyoshi warriors . . . and engaged from what I hear." He said.

"I didn't know Ty Lee was engaged. To who? Aang never tells me anything." Katara pouted. This news instantly wiped away her contemplations of a family with Aang and gave birth to the bitterness that came with feeling left out.

"Oddly enough, Haru." Zuko chuckled. "They seem to have hit it off at the coronation."

"…well that certainly is odd." Katara said. "Grr, when I see Aang he's going to get it."

"Don't be too hard on him. I'm sure he's just got a lot on his mind." Zuko said.

"Well he could share it. It's not like I've got much on my mind these days." She grumbled.

"You don't want to grow up, Katara. It comes with far too much stress." Zuko chuckled, folding his hand behind his head and laying back in the grass.

"But I do. I do want to grow up. I do want adult problems. I want to deal with real issues. I want to help people again. I want to do something, anything, to feel like I'm a part of something again." She sighed.

He pat her hand gently as dispirited blue eyes fell to the grass beside him.

"Is the life of a healer really so boring?" He asked, turning on his side and propping his head to look at her properly.

"In the South Pole it is. It's mostly children with scrapes and bruises or the elderly falling ill. Being a midwife only reminds me that I'm a woman with no hope of ever having children of my own." She sulked.

"You're being quite dramatic don't you think, Katara?" Zuko questioned.

"No!" She said tersely.

"When the time is right you and Aang will have plenty of children." Zuko said, laying flat on his back again.

"Aang is a child." She said flatly. "I love him but he's in no rush to grow up. He keeps his serious life as the avatar separate from his life with me. I'm afraid he thinks that's what I want but it's not. A normal life is nice yes but…but not forever, not after what we've been through."

Zuko couldn't repress the feeling of happiness it brought him to know that things weren't entirely serious between Aang and Katara. Lately he'd felt oddly possessive of the water bender. He grit his teeth seeing the way the young men of his court were looking at her. Then he felt shame because he knew he was looking at her the same way. He should be looking at her as Sokka did, as a brother. Unfortunately, his affections for her were anything but brotherly.

Looking at her now, Zuko saw the sadness in her face. Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

"Things will work out." He said, trying to sound optimistic.

"I don't know that they will." She sighed. She chewed her lip silently, her eyes trained on the ground.

Zuko waited patiently for her to speak. He could see she was conflicted by whatever thoughts were swirling through her mind. He wanted to help her. He needed her to open up to him again. He knew she had been trying to keep her problems to herself so that she could focus on him but he wanted the chance to return the favor.

"I have a confession to make." Katara finally said in a whisper.

"A confession?" He parroted, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. I don't know that I love Aang." She said, turning despairing eyes towards him to await his reaction.

Zuko was careful to keep his face blank of any expression. He wasn't sure he could be proud of his initial reaction of relief. He didn't know what to say to her. He puzzled over it.

Katara felt panic flood her. Zuko wasn't saying anything and it was making her nervous. What was he thinking? Was he mad at her? Was he disappointed in her? She felt the need to explain.

"I mean, I know that I love him as a friend and he's very close to me and has a special place in my heart. He will always have a special place in my heart but I don't know that he's the one for me. I just…I just feel that I'd be happier if I really loved him, don't you think? When you truly someone that should be enough right? You should be happy with them, not…not always sad?" She asked.

Zuko sighed. "I have no way of knowing Katara. As you can tell I'm not exactly the example to follow. Mai is really quite miserable…and it's my fault."

"It is not! Zuko it is very obvious that you love your wife." Katara said fiercely.

"I do." He said nodding his head. "But it's different than before… we're different than before."

They were both silent again.

He was watching her, his eyes scanning her face as she thought about what he said. In that moment he came to a decision.

"I can trust you, can't I Katara?" Zuko finally asked.

"I would hope so." Katara grinned. Her smile faded seeing his serious expression. "What?"

"I need you to have this baby." He said very seriously.

"What?" Katara laughed disbelieving what she'd just heard.

"I'm serious. I can trust you. You want a child. I can see it in your eyes. And you would never want to hurt Mai. You wouldn't scheme to put this child on the throne later if things work out for Mai." Zuko explained in a rush.

"This is all really sudden and kind of random." Katara breathed, trying to buy herself some time to think, to process what he was saying.

"Is that a no?"" He asked.

"No." She said shaking her head, trying to suppress her surprise and bewilderment.

"Is that a yes?" He asked.

"No." She said her forehead crinkling as she knew her answers were somewhat contradictory.

He frowned at her.

"I don't know. This request is… it's out of nowhere." She said shaking her head.

"Maybe it will help you figure out what you want and it's the only way to fulfill your plan without anyone screwing it up." He said.

"My plan?"

"Where Mai doesn't have to know. I trust you, you won't betray me. You won't hurt her."

"What about Aang?" She murmured.

"I'll talk to him." Zuko said.

"No… let me do it. He'll understand better that way." She said biting her lip.

"Are you agreeing?" Zuko asked.

"I'm not fire nation." She said absently.

"Mai's child will live. Our child has to live." He said more to himself than to her.

She saw the determination in his eye and the glimmer of fear within. Suddenly she understood. He'd be too ashamed to ask anyone else and there's no way he could trust anyone else to keep the secret should Mai's baby fail. If Mai was to never know she would have to ensure it, after all, it had been her horrible idea in the first place.

"If the baby doesn't… she'll know; my features are very distinctive…" Katara thought out loud, looking at her darker skin.

"If it comes to that, we'll tell her the truth." He nodded. "She'll understand. She knows you wouldn't want to hurt her. She wouldn't worry about you trying to replace her."

She pushed away the thought that her own lust for him was swaying her decision. She'd managed to keep herself from staring but her body's reactions to him hadn't lessened any since her arrival. If she helped him, he could put out the fire raging through her system. She could tell Aang it was strictly for the good of the Fire Nation and be done with her crush at the end of it. She'd be helping him and the Fire Nation. She'd be doing was what necessary to not hurt Mai. She bit her lip not able to completely rid herself of the guilt that came with knowing this wasn't just about helping.

Her eyes sought his, looking for an answer. She bit the inside of her cheek, his face was neutral. He was trying hard not to influence her decision. Her eyes trailed down his elegant nose to the sensual curve of his lips. Her throat felt dry and she found it a bit harder to breath as her eyes continued down his neck and to bit of muscular chest exposed by the deep V of his shirt.

"Katara?" His voice sounded husky as he reached for her chin and drew her darkened eyes back up to his.

She nodded helplessly.

"I suppose I can help." She breathed, feeling herself drowning in his golden gaze.

"Thank you, Katara."

* * *

Please review! Thank you.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Katara sat in her room feeling quite nervous. She hadn't talked to Aang. She hadn't been sure how to tell him. She felt somewhat guilty but she had decided not to tell him for now. She'd have plenty of time to think of how to tell him before she'd start showing. Her rational was if she told him now and he objected then it would just make their stay here long and awkward.

Her agreement had changed everything in the last couple of days. She couldn't look at Zuko without thinking about it. Each day was filled with a nervous but happy anticipation of tonight. She was flooded with heat whenever he was close. She could hardly breathe when his eyes caught hers. She was terrified Mai would see right through her attempts to act like everything was normal. In fact, she'd found Mai's eyes drifting to her more frequently with a slight frown on that pretty porcelain face.

A part of Katara was glad tonight was the first night that she would be with him. Her curiosity would be satisfied and she'd be able to go back to normal. She released a slow breath and dropped her tensed shoulders. There was no reason to be so worked up. This wasn't going to be a night of passion. She was just going to lay there.

- -

Zuko was working quietly in his study. He'd spoken with the council and agreed to their ultimatum but told them he would figure it out on his own time in his own way and they weren't to ask him any questions about it. He told them, they would be informed when their services were needed. They were sulky and doubtful that he'd follow through but they knew they weren't going to get anything else out of him. He had been left in peace the last couple of days to start making plans.

He threw himself into his work trying to avoid Katara and his wife. After having time to think about what this agreement meant, he was having difficulty being around them. He found it nearly impossible to keep the desire from burning in his eyes whenever Katara was around. He'd had to admit the problem to himself at dinner when he felt Mai's small hand squeeze his own tightly. It had snapped him out of his lustful thoughts but she'd followed his heated gaze to Katara. Mai said nothing but she wouldn't look at him for the rest of the night. He'd felt thoroughly ashamed. Thus, Zuko had locked himself in his study where he couldn't get himself into trouble.

Figuring Aang wouldn't want to be around for the next couple of days, he'd asked the avatar to take some news to the Earth Kingdom. He'd told Aang it was fine for Katara to stay since they were still catching up. Zuko half wandered if Katara had told Aang when the young man hadn't shown any sign of reaction to the meaningful look Zuko gave him. He sighed, that was none of his business. Katara would handle her own relationship.

After that, Zuko had spoken with his most trusted guards and servants about setting aside a room in the palace where he could meet Katara in secret and have breakfast sent to her. As far as the other servants and the court were concerned Katara was leaving with Aang for the Earth Kingdom so the utmost secrecy was necessary. There had to be no reason for anyone to assume that there was anything at all happening between himself and Katara since he'd done such a poor job of hiding his desire for her.

He'd orchestrated it so that even Mai would think Katara was gone. Aang left very early in the morning so Zuck found it easy to tell Mai that she looked tired and should stay in bed since their friends were coming back in a week. She'd nodded readily accepting that answer. She'd even looked a little relieved. He felt a twinge of guilt knowing her relief was a result of thinking Katara was gone.

Zuko glanced at the clock. It was time to go to Katara.

- -

A thick cloak had been thrown over Katara's head as she was moved from her previous rooms to the quarters where she would secretly meet with Zuko. She was nervous about the servant guiding her knowing what was to occur in this room. She could only hope this man was loyal to Zuko and wouldn't put a strain on the Fire Lady's health by telling her what was happening tonight.

Katara entered a dark room, lit only by the fire burning in the grate. She was about to thank the servant who led her there but he was already gone.

Inside, she found Zuko staring out the window, taking in everything and nothing all at the same time. Her breath caught in her throat as doubt and fear suddenly quaked through her. What was she doing? This was crazy. This was adultery.

She stood frozen in the doorway not sure how to proceed, not even sure she wanted to at this point. She wanted him, yes, but she still had her reservations.

He turned to look at her and she was caught up in the intensity of his golden stare. Her voice had abandoned her as she stared at him, feeling awkward and unsure. He looked handsome as ever and she tried repeatedly to tell herself that it was just her friend Zuko but this wasn't her childhood friend Zuko. This Zuko distracted her with his height and powerful body. This Zuko enticed her to run her fingers through his hair and over his skin. She shouldn't be thinking thoughts like that. This wasn't about desire; it was about helping a friend.

She felt hesitant knowing that she wanted more from this night than to simply help a friend. She wanted a night of forbidden passion. His eyes told her he wanted the same thing but Zuko was an honorable man. She didn't know what to expect.

"Katara…thank you for coming." His voice was shaky.

She ducked her head and nodded meekly, entering the room fully and shutting the door behind her. Biting her lip, a blush rising to her cheeks, she looked at the bed and then at him. He nodded to her then averted his eyes.

He was irritated by the way he was feeling right now. He knew he was attracted to Katara but he thought it would be easier to set aside those feelings. He shouldn't be thinking of this night with any sort of hope for rapture.

Taking slow controlled breaths, Katara stepped lightly past him and to the side of the bed. She removed her outer robe and dropped her underwear before crawling slowly onto the bed and lying in the center under the covers. She was uncertain what to do with her hands so she simply placed them at her sides and lay rigidly, waiting for him to join her.

When he turned, her heart sped up and she had to fight every fiber in her being that said to back out of this arrangement. Luckily, only half of her was telling her to leave. The other half looked at him with a hungry curiosity. She closed her eyes for a moment battled away the hunger. _'I must feel nothing.'_

"Is this okay?" She murmured, wanting to break the silence. He didn't say anything just nodded curtly.

Zuko was working to control his own breathing and wayward thoughts. He had never taken the time to truly appreciate Katara's feminine beauty. He'd been working so hard to ignore it that his desire only tripled seeing her now. Yes he'd seen her as a temptress in these last few days but her shy innocence in the moment was casting her in a new light. He hadn't stopped to think about how young and soft she was. He hadn't thought of her virgin appeal.

Now she lay before him in the thin silk of her under dress looking nervous but determined. Seeing her now, his mind strayed to a vast array of things he wanted to do with her, to teach her. He frowned battering the lewd thoughts away. This was strictly politics.

Strengthening his resolve, he allowed his robe and shirt to drop to the floor. He came to the opposite side of the bed from where she had crawled on and dropped his pants before quickly sliding under the covers with her. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself that despite the supple youth of her body this was not for pleasure. His wife was waiting for him to come to her on this same night. He was here because he needed an heir and that was it. He released the breath he'd been holding and then rolled on top of her.

She turned her face towards the wall to avoid his gaze as he carefully but firmly parted her legs. She tried but failed to repress as shudder as he began to inch the silk of her dress up her thighs. He knew he wouldn't have to work for his arousal, seeing her like this made it easy for him. He touched himself briefly to speed his orgasm and then guided himself into her.

She was so tight he had to stop and breathe to maintain control. He clenched his fist at the side of her head and attempted to force out the feeling of guilt that came with taking her virginity. She had agreed to this. Closing his eyes, he drew back and then entered her again in one sharp stab.

A short strangled sound came from her and suddenly her hands were gripping at his biceps in a pained way. Her body had tensed and it took all his willpower not to move. He held there waiting for her body to relax and telling himself to be calm. _'This is not meant to be a pleasurable experience.'_ He repeated to himself. She was a virgin and he needed to be patient but she was so soft and warm, so deliciously tight. The minute she relaxed he began to thrust.

Guilt coursed through him for enjoying this. This wasn't his wife. His wife was in her apartments or the temple praying for a healthy son that she could not give him. His wife was grieving over her failure but putting on a strong face and trying again for his sake. His wife had spent the last week pretending she didn't notice him lusting after some other woman.

Zuko continued to thrust into Katara, feeling the weight of the world upon his shoulders once more. It was tortuous how unfair his life was but he ought to be used to it by now. His life was about duty and honor. It was his duty to provide his people with an heir and he would keep his honor in trying not to disgrace his wife any further.

For that he needed to stay focused. He couldn't enjoy this. This was business. He had to keep his eyes off of Katara to remember that. Looking at her made him want to kiss her, to touch her. She kept her face turned to the wall but he could see from the tension in her face that she was resisting showing any signs of reaction to him.

Stiffening and then groaning into the side of Katara's neck, he came and fell beside her. He took a few panting breaths then rolled over on his side to look at Katara. She said nothing just closed her eyes and pretended to fall asleep. He wouldn't question her on it; instead, he rose from the bed and exited through the serving door.

- -

Mai sat on her bed fussing with the lace of her gown. It had been a while since she'd attempted to be even a little sultry. But her doctor's before told her she must be full of life to create life so she would be lively and active in tonight's coupling. She would try to be as alluring as she had been in the beginning of their marriage.

Her hair fell about her in thick black curtains. Zuko had told her once that he liked her hair down so she had loosened it for his benefit. She was wearing a red silk dressing gown that she had worn in their earlier days of marriage. Her hope was to entice him, to bring back the passion from the beginning of their relationship.

She stopped fiddling with her gown as she heard the door to the bedroom open. He came in looking distracted. Seeing her, he looked somewhat surprised.

"I thought you were at the temple." He said, frowning.

He'd hoped he would have moment to collect himself before seeing Mai. It was almost strange to see her now. It had been a long time since his wife had tried to truly appeal to him sexually. She had arranged herself artfully on the bed. The way she was leaning towards him, exposed the high pert tops of her pale breasts. He should feel drawn to her, instead he felt apprehensive.

"I was." She murmured rising from the bed and going to him since he wasn't coming to her. "But I'm back now."

She smiled at her own wording. After their talk in the cherry blossom garden, she had been inspired. She was going to turn things around. They were going to be as happy as they had been in their first days of marriage. She would see to it.

Sliding her hand up the back of his neck to tangle in his hair, she brought his lips down to hers.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Katara woke up the next morning trying to decide whether she should cry or feel nothing. She had agreed to this and it hadn't been so bad and yet she suddenly felt a strange void when he was gone. She knew he couldn't, but she had wanted him to stay. His leaving left her feeling used but that was the point wasn't it? That's what they had agreed to. He was using her to get an heir; she knew that, she agreed to that so why did it make her want to cry now?

She shouldn't feel upset at the lack of passion. He had done exactly what they had agreed to. She shouldn't have been hoping the lingering looks between them would lead to a night of ecstasy.

A serving girl came in and led her to the bath. She felt a distinct painful twinge between her legs as she followed the girl, but said nothing as she finally slid into the warm water.

She took her time bathing and when she returned to her room she found dozens of assorted trays of food. A part of her wondered if she should feel insulted, like a mistress or something, this much food really wasn't necessary but the other side of her was too hungry to complain. There were all sorts of food here and she decided to believe that it was because Zuko didn't know what she liked to eat anymore. Taking her pick, she ate slowly and silently, wondering how she would tell Aang and pondering what she would do in the many months of solitude that would come as she began to show.

Zuko had come up with a plan to keep her in the Fire Nation without arousing too much suspicion. It was well known that he often sought her political council, so he had offered her position as a temporary advisor. She would be his link to the people of the South Pole. She was to complain of homesickness in as time passed so that it would not appear out of the blue when she resigned. Everyone would think she would be returning to the South Pole but in reality, she would stay at the palace on Ember Island with Zuko's most trusted servants until the baby was born.

- -

Zuko was finding concentration hard. He'd been trying and failing all day to stop thinking about Katara. He wanted more from their night than what had occurred. He'd felt ashamed thinking of Katara as he made love to his wife afterwards.

He'd felt ashamed at not being more enthusiastic about Mai's sudden willingness to be with him. In fact, she'd been far more affectionate today than she had been in years. He should have been happier about this but instead he felt guilty because she was trying to be a good wife and all he could think about was another woman.

His eyes drifted to the window for the thousandth time. He had been checking the time all day. It was wrong but he knew he wouldn't be satisfied until he was back with Katara. He needed to get her out of his system or her continued stay here would be a problem.

He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes for a moment. He meant to clear his head but it only brought fresh images of her caramel skin and the memory of its softness to the forefront of his mind.

He cursed softly sitting up and opening his eyes.

"Is everything alright Zuko?" Mai asked from her perch in the window seat. She had been sitting there quietly reviewing documents he had written up as she had done in the past.

Seeing her there did not fail to bring a soft smile to his face but Zuko knew he should be happier about her being there. He shouldn't just be happy that she was out of her room and looking quite a bit healthier today. He should be happy that she was there because she wanted to be with him.

He knew if things were truly alright between them he should be feeling like he had in the past. He should be tempting her back to bed and promising to do his work later. They should be flirting and seducing each other until all hopes of getting anything done was banished from both their minds.

He wasn't feeling inspired to do any of that.

"Everything's fine. I'm just tired of working." He shrugged.

"We could go into the city or have a performance here in the palace." Mai suggested, putting down the papers and walking over to him. "Or we could return to our room…and find some other means of…entertainment…"

Her hand came down to rest lightly on his and her look was gentle and inviting. He felt another wave of self loathing that made him draw his hand away from hers more sharply than he meant to. She frowned and bit the inside of her cheek to keep her face from showing any hurt.

"I, um… I have to have a lot of this done by the end of the day or I'll never hear the end of it." Zuko said apologetically.

"Of course." She said nodding and returning to her seat.

His shoulders' sagged with the weight of his guilt.

"But…tonight…come to me again tonight." He said, cursing himself internally. He said it to appease her but it meant another night of double dealing.

Mai hid her smile and gave a simple nod in response before turning her attention back to her papers.

Zuko held back a groan. He'd seen the smile and it pained him to know he felt no joy about tonight but his offer had brought her great happiness.

- -

That night, Katara sat on the spacious bed wrapped in nothing but a red silk robe. She should be wearing her dressing gown underneath but in a random bout of rebelliousness she had shed it. She glanced at the bathroom door wondering if she should go collect the garment off of the floor.

She had reasoned that she'd sleep better without it. The nights were hot in the fire nation and she preferred it colder as in the north. Zuko hadn't bothered to look at her under the covers last night so it shouldn't be a problem if she went without the dressing gown. But as she sat on the bed now she had to admit how much more intimate the situation would be without her dressing gown. Would he think she was being inappropriate?

She was just getting up to retrieve the gown when she heard the bedroom door open. She hesitated glancing at the door and froze. He stood in the doorway watching her. She saw a conflicted look cross his face but then he shut the door and crossed the room to stand before the fire as he had the night before.

When his back was to her, she dropped her robe and slid under the covers. She closed her eyes and listened to the rustle of fabric as he shed his clothes and joined her in bed. She waited and when he didn't move she opened her eyes to see him staring at her. She followed his gaze to her bare shoulder. A blush stained her cheeks.

"It gets hot at night." She explained.

"I didn't think of that. It's probably hotter than you're used to." He murmured, leaning his head against his hand.

With his free hand, he gave a careless wave in the air and the fire in the grate extinguished itself, casting them solely in dim moonlight.

"That should be better." He said softly.

She said nothing as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She watched his silhouetted, only moving slightly with each breath he took. She didn't know what to say or do laying there in the silence while he watched her. She didn't know what he was thinking and she wasn't sure if she should ask.

He reached out and placed his finger tips gently on her bare shoulder. He caressed a small circle and then trailed his fingers slowly up the side of her neck in the same slow caress. She shivered at the contact and her lips parted to accommodate her increased need for air as she attempted to control her excitement.

"Sit up for a moment." He said.

She propped herself up while holding the covers to chest. He reached around her to the back of her head where he released her hair from its half up doo. He smiled to himself feeling the weight of her hair fall into his hands. He ran his hands through her hair a few times, seemingly lost in thought.

She stared at his lips. He was so close she could kiss him if she just leaned forward a bit more. She tipped her face a little more towards him as his hand came back to her shoulder. She felt a tad disappointed as he pushed lightly asking her to lie back down.

His hand trailed down to her hip, beneath the covers and she spread her legs, allowing him to crawl in between them. She winced at the slight twinge of pain as he entered her again. Thankfully, the pain was gone within seconds and she pressed her head back into the pillow, training her eyes on the ceiling.

The experience was far more intimate with his skin brushing hers and the feel of his breath against her neck. She was already hot with the anticipation he had built up in her while he played with her hair and without the pain from the first time she felt a liquid warmth building in her belly.

She fought off the sounds that wished to free themselves from her throat but she couldn't stop her movements. Her hips rose to meet him from time to time and her back arched with each silent gasp. She had never experienced this level of need before. She was afraid she would bite her lip until it bled as she attempted to control herself.

She turned her face to the side and squeezed her eyes shut as his pace quickened.

She gripped the sheets as her own strangled sound met his moan of release. Her heart pounded and her breath was erratic as he fell against her. She clung to him, pressing her face to his chest as she tried to regain control of her breathing.

The burning within was something she had never experienced before and in a way she felt a need for more. The throbbing in her core had yet to cease but she couldn't begin to think of what to do about it. She wanted to ask him what to do to stop the heat but that would be wrong. It was over for the night. She would have to accept that.

She let go of him and lay back against the pillows again. Her erratic breathing had turned to deep panting breaths. He was lying on his back beside her, watching the covers rise and fall above her breasts.

He knew she hadn't found release. He was torn between staying and finishing her off and going to his wife. He couldn't be sure which the right course of action was.

"Katara?" He whispered.

"You should go, I think." She whispered back.

She wasn't sure she could control herself if he stayed. If he stayed, she would probably ask him to make love to her properly and that wasn't what they were here for. It pained her but she had to do the right thing. She had to send him away.

"Go." She whispered again, turning to look at him.

He nodded once in the darkness and rose. He pulled on his robe and exited the room. When he was gone, she felt one cool tear trail down her cheek and dampen her pillow. He was a married man. He was not her man. But she wished desperately that he was hers. Then she could ask for his touch without shame. She could love him without feeling guilt.

She turned onto her side and stared into the darkness until sleep claimed her.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Mai made light conversation with Lady Ursa as she attempted to ignore the stiffness of Zuko's posture beside her. They had joined his mother for tea in the garden and though she was making an effort to contribute to the conversation, her husband was being utterly noncommittal. He was becoming increasingly distant and she couldn't for the life of her figure out why. She thought he would be happy she was making an effort to be lively again but he seemed to be withdrawing from her instead. She bit her lip trying to think of what she had done wrong.

She had come to him every night this week and each night she felt as if there was an invisible wall between them. She knew it was her fault the wall was up. She had pushed him away for so long but she hadn't thought it would be this hard to get close to him again.

Mai had spoken to Ursa privately about the matter but the older woman had simply said the matter of succession often weighed on his mind but it would all be resolved in time. Mai had been silent about the guilt she felt for burdening her husband with her incapability.

Her hand moved subconsciously to her belly. She lifted a silent prayer that she was with child and that the baby would be healthy.

- -

Ursa attempted to ignore Zuko's odd behavior throughout tea. He was physically present but it was very clear her son's mind was a million miles away. Seeing Mai's discomfort, she did her best to draw him back to the present but capturing his attention was like trying to hold the wind.

'_Perhaps it is time I sent for Iroh.'_ She thought. Her son was able to confide in her but she knew that he would never open up to her as he did with his uncle.

She wondered if her son's heir dilemma is what was truly holding his attention. She had thought he would have resolved the issue by now in one way or another but she hadn't heard anything from the court. From the council, she had learned that her son had agreed to their ultimatum but required things to be on his own terms. This morning he had announced it was done but the councilors were skeptical. Even she was skeptical since she had detected nothing out of the ordinary with her son until today.

A betrayal of his wife would explain his oddness, though. She gazed at how he leaned towards Mai but didn't actually touch her. She frowned at the stiffness of his shoulders and the thoughtful frown marring his handsome features.

- -

Zuko was aware that his behavior was dampening the mood of afternoon tea but he couldn't bring himself to put on a show any longer. The last few nights had been like the first with Katara though she continued without the dressing gown but the formalness of their unions was driving him mad. He feared that he had upset her. Tonight was his last night with her and he wanted desperately to make things right. He couldn't bear to have hurt her in some way by his actions on the second night.

On top of that, he didn't want it to be their last night. He didn't want Aang to return and he certainly didn't want her to go back to him. It was horrifically selfish. He had a wife and no business lusting after another woman but being with her hadn't cleared her of his system it only made him want her more.

He was irritable because she was the person he usually talked to when he had a problem but since she was the problem he had not outlet for his thoughts. If hadn't been in the presence of his mother and wife he would have cursed allowed. It was terribly frustrating the feelings rolling around inside. Mai was trying so hard to please him it killed him inside.

Crossing his arms, he gave a frustrated sigh and leaned back against the tree behind him.

"Well now you just look like a temperamental child. Honestly, Zuko, what has you in such a foul temper?" His mother finally burst out.

"It's nothing." He muttered, casting his gaze down towards the grass.

His mother's eyes narrowed at the curt response but she didn't press him. Mai stared at Zuko, her expression was a cross between worried and annoyed. He knew she wouldn't press him though. She had no desire to fight with him.

"Excuse me ladies." Zuko said tightly.

Giving them both a nod of his head, he rose to his feet. Sitting here rolling the issue about in his mind wasn't fixing his situation or his relationship with his wife. He needed to talk to Katara now. He needed to tell her tonight wouldn't be necessary and he had to be done with her. In fact, he needed to make some changes to his plan. She had to go so that he could get a hold of himself. He could send her back to the South Pole until she began to show and then bring her to Ember Island. He frowned, that was a flawed plan that needed too many explanations. He'd have to end things tonight and then just avoid her as much as possible until she could be sent to Ember Island.

'_Out of sight, out of mind.'_ He thought as he made his way through the palace. He didn't want to avoid Katara but for the good of his sanity she had to be kept away for him so that his desire for her could begin to fade. He needed to focus on his wife and supporting her while she carried his child.

He hurried to his bedroom and left instructions with the door guards that he was not to be disturbed for any reason. He made of show of preparing to lie down, hoping they would hear the scuffle and tell anyone who wished to see him that he was sleeping.

When he was satisfied with his performance, Zuko went to the serving door hidden behind a tapestry. Moving quickly and quietly, he made his way to the hallway exit nearest Katara's room. He checked through a slit in the wall to be certain no one was around before emerging and knocking swiftly on her door. He entered without waiting for a reply.

Katara was startled to see Zuko entering her room but she chose to hide any great display of shock. Her hand came up to hold closed the sides of her robe as it occurred to her that she was wearing nothing underneath. A part of her felt foolish at the subconscious need for modesty despite what they had shared for the last six nights of the week.

"Zuko?" She inquired softly.

At the sound her voice, his resolve to be rid of her broke. His decision to end things with her faded away and all that was left was his want of her, his need of her.

He didn't say anything as he crossed the room and pulled her into his arms.

"Just once Katara." He murmured before his lips descended on hers.

She gasped in shock but her arms flew around his neck and held him close despite knowing she should push him away. She gave herself completely to him in that kiss. He had her out of her robe and on the bed in seconds. She sighed sweetly as he trailed a series of kisses down her neck. Her fingers fumbled wildly to rid him of his clothes as he rained kisses across her chest.

When he was naked, he entered her, crying out at the feel. She had never been this wet before. She clutched at his shoulders and rocked her hips in sync with his as he carried them to completion.

He lay panting beside her, an apology on his lips after they came down from their high. She never gave him the chance to speak. He had broken the rules and so for a moment in time they could forget their lives outside of this room. She wanted to make it last so before he could speak she leaned over and kissed him again.

His arms wrapped around her and she melted against him. He took his time with her now. He kissed her slowly and thoroughly. He rolled them over so that he was on top of her and took his time exploring her body. He took pleasure in hearing her soft whimpers and moans as he pleasured her body.

Her hands explored his body. Her lips tasted his skin. Time escaped them as they made love several more times. Her passionate response was like a drug and each time he knew he should put a stop to things, he should try to resist but he had been resisting for a week. He wanted her and he only had this moment to rid himself of so much want.

They lay exhausted as the sunset. His arm was wrapped loosely around her waist as his lips pressed gentle kisses against her neck. He wanted to say I love you but that would be crossing the line. Speaking at all would end their stolen afternoon. He tried to stay awake as long as possible with her resting in his arms. In the morning, she would no longer be his. In the morning, he'd tell himself it was only lust but lying here now, he knew it was so much more.

His hand lightly stroked her belly and he kissed her once more. _'I love you.'_ He thought for once completely ignoring the guilt that ought to plague him at the thought.

He stayed with her all night and only left her in the early hours of the morning. He kissed her sleeping form and then exited the room.

- -

Mai paced her room, feeling tense and nervous. When she had gone to talk to Zuko after tea, the guard informed her that he was sleeping and asked not to be disturbed. She had asked that a servant be sent to her when he woke.

She'd heard nothing for hours. She may not have been close to Zuko in recent years but she knew him well enough to realize he couldn't have slept that long. She mulled over her need to know why he was hiding from her. He was awake in there and she needed answer.

Calling for Emi, Mai had written a swift note and instructed the girl to go through the servants' halls rather than ask the guards for entrance into Zuko's quarters. A short while later, Emi had returned telling her there was no one in the Fire Lord's chambers and it didn't look as if anyone had been in there in the last few hours. If he had been sleeping, he had made the bed himself afterwards, which wasn't likely.

Mai had felt cold inside at the news. She was suddenly very afraid. She instructed Emi and Suzuki to see what they could find out about the Fire Lord's current location. Hours of searching had turned up nothing. It seemed no one knew where he was.

Feeling frightened, Mai told Emi to return to Zuko's chambers with her note as a reason for being there and to wait until her husband returned.

It was now morning, Mai hadn't slept a wink and Emi hadn't returned. Zuko had been gone all night. Mai felt her knees go weak and she dropped to the floor in a hysterical heap. Suzuki rushed to the Fire Lady, wrapping her arms around her and trying to bring her back to her feet but Mai was limp as a doll as she lay on the floor sobbing.

"I've lost him, Su. He's gone from me." Mai sobbed.

"You cannot possibly know that." Suzuki chided, trying to calm her sovereign before the other ladies heard and came rushing in hoping to collect some gossip.

"Then where has he been all night. It's her. It's her, I know it." Mai cried desperately.

"My lady, you are worrying for nothing. The lady Katara is no longer here. She is in the Earth Kingdom." Suzuki said soothingly.

"Then who? Who has he gone to tonight?" Mai whimpered.

Suzuki bit her lip. She didn't know. She had spent many hours trying to track down information on the Fire Lord but no one had seen him since he left tea. Clearly he had used to servants halls to make his escape but to where, she couldn't be sure. She hated lying to the Fire Lady but it was perhaps her only hope for calming the despairing woman.

"He has gone to no one but the gods." Suzuki proclaimed. Mai's confused brown eyes stared hopefully up at her. "He's gone to the temple fasting and praying. I lied earlier when I said I did not see him because he did not want you to know. He didn't want you to think he doubted you. He is praying for your health."

"Is he?" Mai whispered, her tone holding a child's wonderment.

"I swear it."

"I should go to him." Mai murmured.

"NO!" Suzuki yelped.

"But…"

"You mustn't. He'll know I told you. He wants you to rest. Please, my lady, just rest." Suzuki begged.

"You're right. He's been worried about me. That would explain his oddness. He must think I've over exerted myself coming to him every night. That is why he has barred me from his chambers." Mai mused. "I must rest. He is praying for my strength and here I am wasting my strength on silly fears. My husband loves me. I have been foolish."

Suzuki held back the need to cringe. She would have to inform Emi of her lie to the Fire Lady before she brought the real news of wherever Zuko had been on this night. A crisis had been averted for now but Suzuki got the feeling nothing was going to be the same after seeing the way the Fire Lord had looked at Katara.

* * *

A/N: Please review! You guys are welcome to welcome to give me suggestions on what you would like to see happen. I love interacting with my readers. There are still plenty of ways this could go. Does anyone have a preference on how Mai should be dealt with?


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Katara sighed dejectedly. She had been back at the South Pole for a week and not a day had passed without thoughts of Zuko. It seemed not even an hour could pass without at least one thought of him. She missed him. She wanted desperately to be back at court. Her belongings were packed for the long term stay but she was delaying of her own choice. She didn't know if she could trust herself to return and pretend that nothing had changed because everything had changed.

In her dreams he came to her as he had on the last night and she woke up in tears, craving his touch. She knew the dreams were wrong and had thrown herself into whatever work she could find but without war there really wasn't much for her to do for the South Pole tribe. She was frustrated with the lack of distraction and it seemed that Aang was usually the unfortunate person she took her anger out on. He seemed torn between wanting her stay because of his love for her and wanting to take her back because of her crazy mood swings.

She had been distant with Aang since returning. She still hadn't found a way to tell him what she had done. She knew it saddened him that she was so distant and snappish lately. He would sit with her quietly most afternoons but he tried to refrain from speaking not knowing what would set her off. His presence made her feel guilty and attempting to ignore it often meant ignoring him. She would sit as far from him as possible while running her fingers through the flame of a candle until she realized what she was doing and yanked her hand away as if that would give her away.

Whenever Aang asked her what was wrong she was tell him half truths. She would say she was having trouble sleeping or she missed traveling. He'd bring up her new position in the Fire Nation and instead of responding with the appropriate happiness she often panicked and gave a curt response to end the conversation. Thus, she mostly just insisted that she was fine and he was worrying over nothing. It was very obvious that it wasn't nothing but Aang chose not to be too persistent.

Katara's eyes drifted to the dancing flame of the candle on her table and it doubled the yearning that had become so very familiar. She knew wanting him was wrong. She knew wanting to be with him was wrong but no amount of knowing stopped the want because when they were together, it felt right. She felt complete. She was at peace. She felt her heart would burst with love just from the way he held her on that last night. His embrace had been so very loving and warm. She felt she could happily die wrapped in his arms.

She knew it should never happen again but it filled her with such sadness to think about that. A part of her hoped that when she returned, he would come to her. _'He won't. He loves his wife. I'm just a means to an end.'_ She thought sadly, her hand drifting to her belly.

- -

Zuko stood silently on the open balcony of his bedchambers. His eyes swept over the dancing flames of his nation at rest. Clad in loose red drawstring pants and an untied robe, he let the cool night air brush over his heated skin.

Behind him, Mai slept peacefully. A small smile curved her lips, her hair spilled around her, and the dim fire light gave her skin an ethereal glow. He should have been transfixed by her beauty but the sight of her stirred nothing in him any longer. He was never satisfied by their attempts to revive their love life. Their passion had, much like a fire, fizzled and died out.

He was glad she was better. In the last couple of days she had returned to her former healthy body type. She was becoming increasingly social and it was almost like the beginning of their marriage, except she was more humble now. He wished he could fall back into it as easily but he wasn't the same man that he had been at the beginning of their marriage. He loved her. He cared for her. But he realized now that he no longer desired her, not just her body but her company didn't hold the same appeal as it had in his youth.

He didn't regret marrying Mai. He regretted his own impulsive actions in his youth. It was a matter of marrying too young. He had been so happy the war was over and he was finally taking up his birthright that he did not spend much time thinking about the long run. At the time he had childishly believed that the love he had for Mai was the kind that lasts forever. She had been his first and only love. He hadn't considered truly loving anyone else. He had figured life from the coronation on out would settle itself and that everything would fall into place. He'd figured fate owed him at least that much after everything he'd been through. But he was wrong.

Ordering servants around and buying expensive things didn't make him happy any more. The interests he had shared with Mai were trivial in comparison to the matters he dealt with now. He wanted someone he could talk to, someone he could be at peace with, someone who offered him advice. Mai usually told him what he wanted to hear or the advice her father wanted him to hear. Being with her, in general, no longer held its appeal. All he could think about was Katara. All he could dream about was Katara. She plagued his thoughts all day every day.

He no longer found sleep quite so easy either. He was always troubled, plagued with thoughts of her. Memories of soft caramel skin and chestnut hair haunted him every night. It had been too long since he'd last looked into her smiling blue eyes. He found the loss made him restless and agitated; but what could he do about it? Guilt coursed through every part of his body at the remaining shadows of lust crowding every corner of his mind. He snapped his eyes shut and willed away the thoughts of her but that just brought them on in greater waves. He wanted her, no needed her now. He'd never felt so alive as when he was with her.

For so long he had been alone while Mai kept to her rooms and he had never been bothered with feelings of desire. After such a long drought she had been like the refreshing water she so loved to bend. Looking far out to the dark waters of the beach, he wondered if she was thinking of him too. Did she miss him as much as he missed her? Did she awake every night after dreaming of him as he dreamed of her? Did she long for another night?

A soft sigh and the shifting of silk drew his attention over his shoulder. Mai had turned over in her sleep but she was not awake. His guilt doubled at the relief he felt that she had not gotten up. What was wrong with him? He had a beautiful wife in his bed? In all the years they had been married she had satisfied him. Why not now? Why did he feel so shriveled and dead inside? Why did he feel so empty inside at the sight of the moon? Why did he miss Katara so?

He wanted it to be just about her body but it was so much more and he knew it. He loved her. He could never say it out loud but he loved her.

- -

"I promise to visit as often as I can." Aang said as he helped Katara place her things in Appa's saddle.

"Aang, you don't have to do that. Really, it might be better if you don't." Katara replied wincing. Now was the time to tell him, she needed to do this. She needed to be strong.

"You don't want me to visit you?" Aang asked his voice and eyes filled with a childlike sadness.

Katara felt her resolve waver. She didn't want to hurt him.

"Aang, it's not that I don't want you to visit. It's just best that you probably don't for a while. I need to focus on my work. I need to show them I'm serious and I didn't just get the position because I'm the avatar's girlfriend." Katara reasoned, feeling guilty for bringing their relationship into it.

Aang's jaw tightened momentarily and though he didn't say it, she knew what he was thinking. He might be a bit spacey but he wasn't deaf or blind. He'd surely realized Zuko's interest in her during their last visit. It worried him, with her going back by herself, but he didn't want to bring it up.

"I don't think that's it, Katara." Aang whispered, eyes cast down on the ground.

Katara panicked briefly. _'He knows.'_

"You don't want to be with me…do you?" His voice was still as whisper as he raised his eyes to hers.

"What?" She scoffed on reflex, eyes wide with shock.

"You don't want to be together anymore?" He repeated more firmly.

Now would be the perfect time to just end things but there was something about Aang's heartbroken face that Katara couldn't help but want to fix.

"No, no that's not it at all." She explained in a rush. "I'm just…I want to make a good first impression."

"Katara, I'm not…" He paused, trying to find the right words. "I'm not what you want…at least not anymore. You're different now. You've been different for a while…unhappy. I think at Zuko's court was the first time I've seen you truly smile in a long time. You've been moody and irritable ever since we got back."

"I know…I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the moodiness, it's just been difficult. You go away all the time and lead this really interesting life and I'm stuck here. The only people my age are Sokka and Suki and they're so wrapped up in being in love and raising their kids I just feel…I feel so left out. At court, I was with people my age. They were young and flirty and it made me feel alive. I guess, I need that, I need to be with…with people my age, not here with children and the elderly." Katara said with a helpless shrug.

Aang nodded but said nothing for a long time.

"Please say something." She whispered.

He was silent for a moment longer and after what felt like an eternity he raised sad hazel eyes up to hers.

"Katara, for so long, all I've wanted is just for us to be together." Aang said and then paused to think.

Katara bit her lip waiting for him to continue. She was too afraid to speak.

"Katara, do you still want to be with me?" Aang asked, staring into her eyes.

The question hit her like a ton of bricks. It was one she should have been prepared for and yet she wasn't. The answer should be easy. She wasn't happy with the way things were between them…

But she didn't know anything about not being with him. That's how it had always been. That had been the plan. Everyone thought it was the right thing to do and so she did it. It made Aang happy, it was what was expected, but was that what she wanted?

It scared her to think that her answer now could and would affect her entire future. What if she was wrong? What if this was just a phase? Maybe she and Aang could be happy? But what if they couldn't? What if things never changed? It was so difficult to know.

"Aang… I don't know. I don't know what I want." Katara murmured. "What do you want?"

Aang was quiet for so long Katara began to worry. She could see from the tension in his face that he was thinking hard about what he would say next. She could see his eyes were pained and she felt the stabs of guilt knowing she was causing it.

"Aang-" She started.

"Maybe we should take a break." Aang whispered.

He hated to say it but it was what needed to be done. He loved her but he hadn't missed the way she had looked at Zuko. She had never looked at him that way. He was still young and didn't know much about women but he knew enough to realize he wasn't what Katara desired. If she stayed with him, she would be settling. He had to let her go otherwise she would feel like he was holding her back and maybe resent him one day. If he let her be free to choose, then there was a good chance she would come back.

"What?" Katara knew she ought to feel relief at this statement but she was shocked by the flood of emotions that it brought.

"You're not happy with me Katara." He sighed. "I can't seem to make you happy."

She opened her mouth to refute that statement but he raised a hand.

"You don't have to try to make me feel better. I've known it for a while. I think maybe you just need some space right now. If…if we're meant to be together, we'll find our way back to each other." Aang's voice wavered, with the tears he was holding back.

He'd said it as a statement but Katara could hear the question in his voice, see the pleading in his eyes.

"Of course. Of course we will." Katara whispered, feeling tears welling up in her own eyes.

She looked away from him to hide her tears, feeling foolish since she had betrayed him. Breaking up was the right thing to do. She needed to make her confession to him so that they could go their separate ways in peace.

"Katara." Aang's voice brought her out of her thoughts. A part of her wanted to pull away as he took her hands into his own. She didn't deserve his kindness right now.

"Katara." He repeated. "I do love you. You don't have to say it back…but I wanted you to know that. Please be careful at Zuko's court. I know you'll probably be fine…I just…I get a bad feeling about you going back by yourself."

She cried. She didn't know what else to do but cry. She couldn't tell him now. It would break his heart to know. She had hurt him enough but not being able to say those three little words back to him. She had hurt him by not being able to pretend she was happy with him. She had hurt him because the time that she should have been using to fix their relationship, she had used to be with another man. The tears came in great sobs and he held her close thinking it was his fault which only made her cry more.

"You shouldn't love me." She managed to say through the tears. "You really shouldn't love me."


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Emi and Suzuki glanced at each other nervously as the Fire Lady eyed the new gowns on her bed with trepidation. The Fire Lord had been doting upon her shamelessly and in the first few weeks Mai couldn't have been happier with the gifts. It was like the old days and she had clapped her hands and twirled around the room with the fine silks held up between her hands. But as the weeks wore on, Mai began to see through the gifts.

Zuko was not doting on her because he was thinking of her so much. It was guilt. It was the only explanation for the excess. Mai's jaw tightened as she thought of Zuko's newest addition to his council. She had spent many hours praying for the spirits to take away her jealousy but to no avail. It was like a poison, seeping throughout her body.

'_Katara.'_ Mai thought with a frustrated sigh. Since her return, Zuko could not take his eyes off of her. It was worse than before.

At dinner every night, his eyes sought hers. He would bow his head to her before ordered the servants to begin serving the meal. And then at breakfast, he would always smile at her and wish her a good day. When there was dancing, she would join the other young people of the court and he'd sit back in his chair and watch her, his eyes veiled and his face blank as an empty canvas.

Katara rarely returned his looks but when she did, it made the Fire Lady's blood run cold. There was something in her expression that made Mai stop in her tracks. She would eye her husband as if the answer to her silent questions would suddenly appear on his blank face.

-

Emi's fingers twisted together behind her back in a habitual nervous gesture.

_'Say something. Say something. Anything.'_ Emi thought as she watched her mistress. All the ladies were present to ooh and aww over the Fire Lord's gifts but Mai's pale face was giving away her sudden realization. _'She must play it off. She must play it off or people will talk.'_

It wouldn't be long now before Mai came to the complete realization of what the entire court had been seeing for the past month since Katara had come back to court as an official advisor. Suzuki had reasoned that Mai could not truly see because she did not want to. She had chosen to live in denial. But if she was finally acknowledging the true reason for Zuko's gift it wouldn't be long before the veil was completely removed for her eyes.

The desire between Zuko and Katara lit up the court. The heat was almost tangible. He tensed whenever she walked into the room. When he passed by her, her body gave an involuntary shiver as if he had touched her though no caress occurred. If they accidentally met in the hallway they would stand far apart not daring to get any closer, never touching but always looking. If she turned her head to the side, his eyes were drawn to her delicate neck. When he looked away, she was stealing glances at his handsome face. They never spoke unless they were surrounded by the court, there were no intimate touches that anyone could see but the actions of day-to-day life were more than enough.

The most frustrating part of it all was that no one could be certain if the two really were involved intimately.

_'If he has had her why is his gaze so longing?'_ Emi had posed the question to Suzuki once. The other girl had told her it was because the Fire Lord was an honorable man and trying to do the right thing but a man could only resist temptation for so long. Suzuki did not care if the affair had already begun or not. In her mind, an emotional affair was just as bad as the physical. Emi had spent many hours trying to decide her own opinion of the matter.

Her eyes returned to her mistress. At the end of the day her opinion on the matter was not important. What mattered was Mai's opinion on the matter when she chose to accept there was a very real problem developing.

- -

Zuko paced in his bedroom like a caged lion. He had just returned from a sparring match with his top generals but nothing could settle his energy. Katara's presence was driving him to madness. He was doing everything possible to stay away from her but nothing was truly distracting him from her. As long as she was here he could not focus. His mind was ever wandering to ways that he might go to her. Or he would lose himself in a day dream of her coming to him. The thought drew his eye to the tapestry hiding the servants door for the hundredth time in the last month. Then he shook his head, she wasn't coming. She didn't know how to navigate the halls.

He sighed angrily and then dropped into an arm chair feeling exhausted. He eyed his bed warily. It was calling to him. He needed sleep. He felt like he hadn't slept in weeks. In truth, he probably hadn't. He'd been avoiding it. When he slept he dreamed of her. He was in constant fear on nights that Mai came to him that he would say something in his sleep that would give him away. Not that there was much his looks didn't give away.

"Damn it." He cursed softly, running his hands through his hair. It would be at least another month or two before she went into confinement. If things continued this way he would be completely insane by the time she left for Ember Island.

He needed something, anything that would take his mind off of her. Exiting his chambers, he made his way to the palace library. There had to be something there that would capture his attention. Servants skittered nervously out of his way, feeling the tension rolling off him in waves, as he stalked down the hall.

Throwing open the doors to the library, he froze. Zuko closed his eyes and counted slowly to ten. It would, of course, be his luck that Katara would be sitting there. To further aggravate him, she wasn't there alone. There was a young Fire Nation noble, sitting on the settee as well, flirting shamelessly with her. Zuko would have much preferred if she wasn't giggling in response but of course she was, cheeks flushed and eyes dancing with amusement.

From what Zuko could see, it appeared as though the young man had folded a piece of paper into a very realistic flower which he was now tucking behind Katara's ear. Zuko was enraged that she was allowing this. If anyone was going to stroke her hair it should be him. If she was going to blush and smile it should be cause of him. But that wasn't allowed. He was a married man. She was off limits to him. He resisted the urge to curse.

He needed to walk away. He should find a book and return to his room. Turning rigidly he moved to do just that but he could still hear her giggles like a tinkling bell and the murmur of the young man's voice. Zuko growled, he wanted him away from her.

"Muarim." Zuko hissed, calling over the guard nearest to him.

"Yes, my lord?" Muarim inquired in a low voice, only half wondering why he was being called over.

"Is Lord Nasir aware that his son is not with his tutor? Without the proper education, young Reyson will find it quite difficult to follow in his father's footsteps and secure a position in the council." Zuko inquired, trying to sound nonchalant.

Muarim frowned confused. He didn't see why he should know the answer to that question. He was stalling for time when the soft sounds of feminine laughter caught his ear. He glanced through the bookcase in the direction of the voice and saw at once why he had been summoned. He'd heard the girl's laughter for some time now but from his previous position he hadn't been able to see who the voice belonged to.

"Er, I don't believe Lord Nasir is aware but I feel he would be very displeased, my lord." Muarim replied, hoping this was the right answer.

"I should hate for such a nice young man to fall into so much trouble with his father. Perhaps you ought to remind him of the reason he came to the library." Zuko smiled.

"You are very kind, my lord." Muarim praised, holding back a smirk. "I'll set the boy straight at once."

"Very good." Zuko nodded, before returning his attention the books and pretending not to listen to Muarim's footsteps as he approached the flirtatious pair. Zuko tilted his head trying to hear but he only caught murmurs of masculine voices and then the sounds of sandaled feet exiting the room followed by the sound of Muarim's booted feet returning to his position at the back of the library.

Zuko smiled at the guard and Muarim nodded in return, signaling the job was done, before disappearing behind the stacks to his original position.

Zuko was happily, humming to himself as he wandered the aisle, scanning the books before him trying to make a selection. In his celebratory mood, he missed the sound of slippered feet approaching him.

"Am I meant to pretend you had nothing to do with that?" Katara's amused voice reached his ears from the end of the row making him turn to face her.

"Nothing to do with what?" Zuko asked innocently, returning his eyes to the books. It was safer looking at them rather than her.

"Sending Reyson away." Katara clarified as she moved to stand next to Zuko.

He managed to hold back the shiver that usually accompanied her close proximity but he still refused to turn and look at her.

"It looked like he was bothering you while you were trying to read. I was helping you." He said sternly.

"Helping me?" She scoffed.

"You're not here to flirt. You're here to give council." Zuko grumbled, switching tactics. He knew it was a stupid argument but if he made her angry perhaps she would go away. He couldn't handle being this close to her.

"Oh, is that why I'm here?" She asked sarcastically, moving between him and the bookcase so that she was in front of him. Now he couldn't avoid looking her in the eye without being completely obvious about it.

Zuko ground his teeth trying to come up with a new argument. This one was taking them down path they really shouldn't be on. Her nearness was causing his brain to malfunction. He felt tongue tied and his chest felt tight.

"What would Aang say?" Was the first thing that he manged to come up with. He had to work to keep from wincing. Aang was the last person he should be bringing into this argument. He hadn't talked to Aang in a while but he could only assume the two had split because of the baby situation. It was cruel of him to throw that in Katara's face.

"I already told you. Aang and I broke up… I was trying to move on." She said quietly, her eyes dropping to the floor. She hadn't really been trying to move on. Truthfully she had been sitting there trying to read when Reyson came in with his tutor and began flirting with her. She'd tried to discourage him but he was persistent. When he made her the flower she felt bad rejecting it so she had allowed him to place it in her hair. It seemed like she couldn't go anywhere in the palace without receiving male attention. When she woke up to do her morning stretches in the training yard she always had an audience. Some of the other young women had approached her and asked to learn the yoga positions. She knew they only wanted to learn so that the young men would go back to looking at them too but she taught them anyway.

"That seems like a bit of a downgrade after the avatar, don't you think?" Zuko's comment brought her back to the present.

On Zuko's part, he really wished he could just shut up. Talking was clearly bad for him. There was nothing intelligent coming out of his mouth and picking a fight with her obviously wasn't getting her to leave. Instead it was bringing her more into his space.

"Well then who would you suggest instead?" Katara challenged, staring up into his eyes. She half hoped he would suggest himself. She had unconsciously stepped closer to him as she spoke and now the silk of her robe was lightly brushing the silk of his.

"Not Reyson." Zuko snapped, knowing the answer was childish.

"Do you know what I think?" Katara smirked.

"No. What do you think, Katara?" Zuko laughed.

"I think you're jealous." Katara whispered, standing up on her toes so that her lips were close to his ear.

Zuko had to resist the urge kiss her neck which was now stretched before him. He felt her body shiver against his as he breathed out a slow hot breath against her bare skin. He had to smirk, knowing she was probably regretting her decision to stand so close to him now. She didn't have the advantage she was going for by getting into his space.

It wasn't really a victory for him either, though. Her nearness wasn't making it any easier to think. Her warm breath against his ear was causing blood to flow south. And now that her breasts were pressed up against his chest and he couldn't stop his hands from reaching for her waist, to hold her hips against his. He had longed to be this close to her for some time now. The feel of her pressed against him was maddeningly delicious. He pushed her down to stand flat on her feet and leaned forward for a kiss.

"Zuko. We can't do this." Her voice was a breathy whispered and her words contrary to the actions of her body. Even as she said the words to stop him, her arms came up around his neck and she pressed herself closer to him, sighing at the contact. She couldn't stop this magnetic attraction any more than he could. She was already tilting her face up to welcome the impending kiss.

"Stop me." He whispered, his lips so close to hers, they brushed when he spoke.

She knew it wasn't a command. If anything it was a plea. She wished she knew what to say. She wished she had a magic words that would cure them both of this lust but there was nothing. She wanted to be in his arms. She wanted him to hold her forever. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted to kiss him. And more than anything, she wanted him to make love to her.

"I don't know how." She said, before surrendering to his inevitable kiss.

The kiss was rough and full of passion as he pressed her back against the bookcase. Her hands found their way to the hem of his shirt and pulled it up so that she could touch the warm skin underneath. Her fingers hungrily explored the heat of his sculpted chest and taunt back. He shivered feeling her blunt nails rake down his back as she pulled him closer, grinding herself against him.

When his lips moved to her neck she had to bite her lip to keep from whimpering as she moved restlessly against his body. Her head tipped back and her mouth opened in a silent moan, feeling his hands gathering up the cloth of her dress. Her knees went weak when his fingers grazed her bare thighs. Her eyes locked on his as he gripped her legs just above the backs of her knees. She bit back another moan as he lifted her so that she could wrap her legs around his waist.

His mouth covered hers, just in time to muffle the mutual groans that came from the intimate contact. She wiggled in his hold, rubbing herself against his arousal. When he was confident she could hold herself against him, he brought a hand up to cup the back of her head. He kissed her harder, driving his mouth against hers, battling her tongue for dominance. They were both fighting to prove their want was greater than the others'.

Zuko's body tensed against hers as he thought he heard the sound of voices. Katara's grip on him tightened almost painfully as he tried to pull away from her to listen better.

In the back of her mind, Katara was slightly afraid she would bruise him as she fought to keep his mouth pressed to hers while he pulled away from her. She whined softly, squirming in her irritation. She was far too caught up in the moment to even think about anyone entering the room.

"Shh, Katara. Listen." Zuko whispered his body completely still as he held her against the bookcase.

Frowning, she leaned back against the books for a moment wondering what the hell he was going on about. Her eyes went wide as she suddenly heard the low voices that had caught Zuko's attention. Her senses returned to her in a flash and she felt suddenly embarrassed by the position they were about to be caught in.

"Come on." He whispered, setting her on the ground and taking her hand.

"Where are we going?" She whispered urgently as he tugged her through the maze of the library.

"Out the servants door. If anyone heard us, it won't be us they find here." He said.

"I'm sure the guards heard us." She whispered her face aflame as she fully realized what she had almost done.

"They won't say anything. I promise." He said, stopping suddenly and turning to press a quick kiss to her lips. "Katara, I-"

"Don't Zuko. Don't say it. Whatever it is, I don't want to know. We may have lost our heads back there but this is where it stops. We're going to get out of here and then I'm going to my room. You're going to yours." Katara said firmly, keeping her eyes on the ground so that she wouldn't melt under his gaze.

She was fully aware of what he was going to say. She felt the need to say it to but this was wrong. He was a married man. He shouldn't be telling her he loved her. He shouldn't even be thinking that he loved her and she shouldn't feel the same way.

"But-" Zuko's eyes were pleading but she refused to look at him. He needed her to understand that this wasn't just sex to him. He didn't want to leave her feeling used.

"No, Zuko it's hard enough already. This would just…it would complicate things further. I don't want to know how you feel about me and you shouldn't care how I feel about you. Go to your wife." Katara's eyes were filled with tears as she finally looked up at him.

The pain in her eyes reflected his own as he realized he would have to let her go. He pulled her into the shadowed hallways of the servants' corridors. Before she could object he gave her one hard kiss and then pulled away. In a hurried whisper, he gave her directions to get back to her room.

"I don't trust myself to leave you there alone if I take you." He whispered shamefully.

She reached up and stroked his cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered. The urge to say _'I love you'_ was strong again. His hand came to rest on top of hers, stroking it gently. She stared up into his eyes and felt herself being drawn to him again.

"You should go." He whispered, afraid to break the spell but knowing if they stood there too much longer they would fall right back into each others' arms.

"I know." She said sadly, slipping her hand out of his. "Good bye Zuko."

He caught her hand once more to kiss it. Then he turned his back to her and began the walk back to his own room. Pausing once, he turned to watch her go. A soft smile graced his lips as he saw that she had stopped to glance back at him as well.

* * *

Reviews are always appreciated! :D


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: Hey guys, I just have a quick side note. I know some of you probably think that I'm making Mai seem stupid but in truth that is not my intention. She clearly knows but is in denial (reread the first two segments of Chapter 12).

My best friend was cheated on by her boyfriend and it was very obvious to everyone but she was in denial for the longest time about it. I'm sure she probably realized it but she kept telling herself that this other girl was just a really close friend and nothing was really going on. We even pointed out how mean he was suddenly being to her, his history of cheating, and how he seemed to be spending way too much time alone with this other girl but she came up with every possible justification for his behavior. And even after all that she pretended nothing was wrong until he finally left her for the other girl. So, I'm not making her stupid exactly. I've just never been cheated on so the best mindset I can write for her is my friend's because that is something that I have witnessed. I hate to say deal with it…but yeah, you're going to have to. I'm sorry if that offends/upsets you.

C'est mon histoire. :P

* * *

**Chapter 13**

"You're far too stressed Zuko." Mai murmured as she rubbed his shoulders.

"I'm fine Mai." Zuko' monotone response caused Mai's fingers to falter for a second.

She bit the inside of her cheek willing herself to be calm. He was putting a wall between them and she wanted to ask him, point-blank, why he was shutting her out. She was far too afraid of the answer to do it, though. She closed her eyes and pushed away her thoughts of fear and jealousy.

'_Zuko loves me. I am his wife. There is nothing to fear.'_ She thought to herself. She had come up with this mantra during her last visit to the temple. She had prayed to be relieved of her anxiety over Katara's presence so that she could focus on her health. All this stress was not good for her baby. Her eyes opened. It was still too soon to know if she was pregnant but she hoped she was. She hoped she was well on her way to providing an heir for her nation.

Zuko was preparing to make an excuse to get away from Mai and therefore his guilty conscience when there was a soft knock on the main door. Giving Mai and apologetic smile, he slipped from beneath her hands and stood, gathering up his robe.

"Let them enter." He called to the guards in the sitting room.

After straightening his robes, Zuko strode out of his bedroom and into the Mai chamber where his mother waited with an impish grin.

"Well this is quite a surprise mother. Is something wrong?" Zuko asked, after hugging her.

"No, does something have to be wrong for me to visit?" Ursa laughed.

"No, I am just used to receiving your invitations to tea, rather than seeing you here." Zuko shrugged.

"I have a surprise for you." Ursa said, taking his arm. "You're not busy right now, are you?"

"No, I am free to entertain you for as long as you like, mother." Zuko smiled.

Ursa gave him a secretive smile and patted his hand as they strolled leisurely through the halls towards the tea room.

"How have you been Zuko?" Ursa inquired keeping her voice light.

"I've been well enough. Why do you ask?" Zuko frowned.

"I've heard you've been having trouble sleeping." Ursa shrugged, eyeing her son from beneath the hood of her lashes.

"I've been sleeping fine. Who has told you otherwise?" Zuko said sternly, his posture suddenly rigid.

Ursa cast her eyes to the ground. Zuko was lying. The dark circles around his eyes were proof enough that the gossip was true at least in respect to her son's lack of sleep. Whether or not he was having trouble sleeping or was kept up entertaining his new councilor, was yet to be determined.

"It is only gossip Zuko. You know most rumors start with a grain of truth." Ursa murmured, coming to a halt outside of the tea room doors and looking up at her son meaningfully. "Are you sure you've been sleeping well, Zuko?"

"I'm fine mother." Zuko replied, with a tight smile.

"Very well." Ursa nodded reluctantly. "Your surprise is inside. I will leave you now."

She curtsied beautifully and then backed away as was protocol. Zuko watched his mother go before turning to the door feeling apprehensive.

Taking a deep breath, he placed his palm against the warm wood of the palace and pushed open the intricately carved doors of the tea room.

"Hello Zuko." Iroh's warm voice greeted.

Zuko's face instantly brightened. Forgetting himself, Zuko rushed to his uncle and hugged the old man.

"Uncle, I have missed you so much." Zuko cried. He felt foolish as tears collected in his eyes. He was elated to see his uncle again after so long. He had missed the man and was in desperate need of his council. "How long can you stay?"

"Oh, I am afraid I am only here for the day, Zuko. A tea shop can't run itself." Iroh said, with a hearty laugh as he flipped a pai sho piece between his fingers. "But come, let us enjoy some tea and catch up."

--

Mai leaned back against a tree, enjoying the warmth of the sun as it warmed the massive front lawn of the palace. With her writing table against her lap, she wrote to Ty Lee hoping to receive details on her friend's wedding plans. With her restored health, Mai was quite looking forward to attending.

Around her, ladies of the court lay sprawled about the grass entertaining themselves by reading or writing as well. The court fools were milling about making jokes and causing mischief to liven the afternoon. Some young men had brought instruments and were making up verses to woo the ladies from their books over to play. The young women giggled and returned the flirtations with coy smiles and the occasion request for certain tunes.

Mai breathed in the fresh air and released a sigh of relief. It was good to be out of her room. Out here it was almost like the old days. That was perhaps, in part due to the fact that Katara was nowhere to be seen at present but Mai didn't want to dwell on that thought.

Finishing her letter, Mai paused before adding her name. Should she write to Ty Lee about her worries? A part of her felt that would make it too real. She didn't want to be making a big deal out of nothing. Just because Zuko found the waterbender attractive didn't necessarily mean anything, did it? Most of the men at court were drooling over her. That just seemed to be the response to her presence. She tapped her fingers thoughtfully.

"Is something the matter your grace?" Suzuki asked, noticing Mai's pensive face.

Mai blinked, coming out of her reverie and turning her eyes onto Suzuki's heart shaped face.

"No, noting at all Su. You worry about me far too much?" Mai smiled, patting her friend's hand.

Suzuki smiled and nodded. Turning her eyes back to her book of poems, she gazed at the pages without reading them. Her mind was too busy for that. She had heard laundry maids whispering this morning that the Fire Lord had been far too familiar with the water tribe girl in the library only a few days before.

'_Laundry girls!'_ Suzuki thought with a huff. News was traveling the palace fast and it would only be a matter of time before some fool slipped up and said something with her lady present. Suzuki stole at glance at the Fire Lady from above her book. _'She has recovered so much but she is still so frail. This affair will be the death of her if it reaches her ears.'_

Already councilors were changing their alliances. She'd heard whispers of noble men hoping to secure Katara for their son's so that they might have some leverage with the Fire Lord. Others were seeking her out for false friendship hoping to obtain more power if they were seen being friendly with her. Still others sought her out, hoping to keep taps on her rise and fall so that they might offer up their own daughters to the Fire Lord when he tired of her. Thinking about it all made Suzuki terribly angry.

A gentle hand touched her arm causing her to look up. Emi's face was crinkled into a worried frown. Suzuki's trained her expression into a soft smile and shook her head at the other girl. Now was not the time to discuss what was on her mind.

--

Iroh blew gently on the surface of his tea though by now it was no longer hot. He was being careful with his timing. Lady Ursa's letter requesting his return to offer council to Zuko had piqued his interest. He couldn't imagine what was wrong. Zuko had a level head and had spent the war years coming to terms with who he was and how the world around him truly was. He had been shocked, when he heard the gossip. Not even a full hour after he'd arrived, Iroh had figured out most people's opinions on the relationship between Zuko, Mai, and a young water tribe woman who he could only assume was Katara.

Iroh wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say to his nephew but he knew he couldn't really begin until he had the truth. Now the question was how to get the truth without setting of Zuko's temper.

Iroh blew on his tea again before setting down the cup and leveling his nephew with a smiling stare. When Zuko caught on to the look, he too set down his cup and watched his uncle expectantly.

"Zuko I believe we have discussed everything there is to know about the Fire Nation but… you have not told me about Mai? Is she well?" Iroh asked cautiously.

"She is. She's doing quite well. Her health has improved significantly since the last time you saw her." Zuko said with a nod.

"Mhmm…and I've heard, Katara is visiting. I trust she is in good health as well?" Iroh murmured, arching an eyebrow as he drew his tea cup back up to his lips.

"She is…" Zuko replied slowly, trailing off as he watched his uncle carefully

"There are some people…" Iroh paused to choose his words carefully. "Some people that are concerned about your marriage, Zuko. Are things not well between you and Mai?"

"Things are fine." Zuko replied tightly.

"I know that losing a child can cause a … a strain, on one's marriage Zuko…but you must remember you love your wife." Iroh advised.

"I do love Mai." Zuko snapped defensively.

"Where there is love, there is no darkness. A life with love is happy, Zuko, a life for love…is foolish it will make you weep." Iroh spoke gazing into space.

Zuko frowned, not sure he was understanding what his uncle was saying.

"One who loves the vase must also love what is inside." Iroh murmured before falling silent again.

Zuko felt himself growing irritated by the riddles. "I love Mai, Uncle."

"I do not doubt your love for Mai but you must be more careful with your actions. Certain things can never be forgiven or forgotten." Iroh warned, looking directly into the eyes of his nephew to be sure he understood.

"I have not dishonored Mai. She is my wife. I have not forgotten that." Zuko growled, fist clenching against the table top.

"I trust you Zuko. We will speak of it no further." Iroh sighed, setting down his tea cup.

"Good. I'm sorry your stay could not be longer and that I cannot be around to entertain you further but I have work to do Uncle. I hope the rest of your visit is restful." Zuko said tightly.

With that, he excused himself and stalked back to his study. There he paced angrily, feeling like a thoroughly scolded child. His mother had called his uncle to come lecture him about Katara. He couldn't believe them. He had some self control, not much…especially not when Katara was actually present but enough that he didn't feel his mother needed to send for his uncle.

He gave an irritated growl, pivoting sharply and stalking back across the room. It was bad enough that the whole court was whispering. How much worse did things look now that his Uncle had come back for a day? A single day had clear meaning. He was trusting turning to begin the next round of his furious pacing when soft tap sounded at his door.

"Enter." He shouted.

A serving girl entered and then dropped into a low curtsey.

"My lady wonders if it would please you to join her in the afternoon sun." The girl said without raising her head.

Zuko had an excuse to avoid the offer on the tip of his tongue when he paused.

"Tell her, I will join her momentarily." Zuko said with a soft smile, feeling rather clever.

His Uncle and mother were expecting him to be avoiding Mai. He would show them. He could be a good and doting husband, from here on out he was going to stay away from Katara and focus on his family.

* * *

You know I love reviews. :D


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Zuko's resolve to stay away from Katara barely lasted a week. He was drawn to her as she was drawn to him. For a while he had managed to conduct all their business through messages. It required more servants running around but he didn't have to see her so his mind couldn't wander into dangerous territory. He had private dinners with Mai and he avoided the library like the plague.

But that all fell apart because he looked out of a window. He shook his head at the sad reality of the situation. He'd nearly tossed over his desk and run outside to sweep her up into his arms that day. It felt as though it had been an eternity since he had last seen her. He needed to hear her voice to feel the softness of her hands. He needed to see her smile to smell her cool rain scent. With every fiber of his being, he needed her now. She was a part of his life. Without her presence, each seemed to drag on with little joy for him.

He thought to alleviate the need by allowing himself to see her only once a day but in a highly public situation. He resumed court dinners with Mai at his side. He limited himself to only looking up at her three times during the meals but soon that wasn't enough. He ceased corresponding with her by messages and called her back to the council meetings where she sat at his side. He felt giddy as a child whenever she entered the meetings. He had to resist squirming with joy whenever she approached. He had to remind himself that they were in a room full of people and she was walking towards her seat, not him.

In those moments he couldn't help but think of her as his queen. She held herself so poised, so regally. She spoke with clearly and with a well educated mind. She played the game of politics as well as any man. She showed concern for his people as though she were a born and raised Fire Nation woman. The villagers were beginning to love her because she took time each day to visit a new village. She said it was important to learn about how each village ran itself. Then the villages that were doing extremely well could share their knowledge so that everyone was prosperous at all times. She was arranging smaller councils within these villages, with an appointed leader who would send in reports so that the main council of the Fire Nation had advance warning of unrest within their nation or could respond faster to a poor crop yield.

Zuko praised her brilliance. He loved that she loved his people. He loved that she fought for what she believed in. He loved her, everything about her. She wouldn't allow him to say it but he was determined to show it in small ways. He would be inconspicuous about it. Some days he allowed her to speak for him, it was a great honor to have one's opinion so valued. It was foolish and stupid and only caused more gossip but somehow he couldn't bring himself to care. He only wanted to be near her, to hear her voice. He wanted the world to see what a bright young woman she was. A part of him hoped they would now acknowledge her here as more than a creature of beauty but as an intelligent young woman. He wanted them to see why he loved her.

Unfortunately, the most it had done was confirm many people's belief that she would soon replace Mai. She was more of a Fire Lady than Mai had ever been. Even in her early years, Mai rarely if ever attended council meetings. She found them boring. When asked her opinion on political matters she often gave a vapid response and then sent away the fool who had approached her with such silly questions.

It was dangerous but the more power Zuko gave to Katara, the more time he was able to spend with her. He had an excuse to meet with her whenever he pleased. He could call her to him at any time night or day and while it caused rumors to fly he did it anyway. He'd managed to keep his hands to himself settling for just having her near.

He told himself the soft brushing of her fingers as their hands bumped when they reached for the same piece of paper was enough. He resolved that he would be content with the occasional brush of her leg against his as they sat beside each other at council meeting. He lived for the moments when his eyes would meet hers and the tension between them would become so thick he felt he could reach out and touch it.

Katara was similarly trying to settle for what little there could be between them. She told herself that this teasing affair wasn't all that wrong since neither she nor Zuko were acting on their desires. She bit her lip, well not acting much. She had taken to wearing dressing that were a tad more revealing, just to have the pleasure of seeing his eyes darken for her. In council meeting she knew she should scoot away from him so that they wouldn't be in danger of touching but like metal to a magnet she was drawn ever closer until her thigh brushed his or her foot bumped into his.

Her guilty pleasure was dropping things so that their hands would brush when they both reached for the fallen object. His touch sent a wave of electric heat rushing through her body. And when her eyes locked on his, she would melt. It was wrong to steal these little moments, the fleeting touches but it was all she could have. Was it really so wrong considering ultimately he was still Mai's? Katara may hold his desire but she did not go to his bed. Was it so wrong to want to be looked at as though she were the only woman in the room?

'_Yes.'_ A voice hissed in the back of her mind. _'Aang did not let you go to flirt around with Zuko.'_

She sighed, flopping down on her bed. Her conscience was right. She should be flirting with single men, not Zuko. There were plenty of young men after her. Of course she knew most of them only wanted her for her body and the political advantages that came with it. She was no fool.

"Oh spirits!" She sighed heavily. "Why did you make me love him but give him to someone else?"

- -

Toph sat contemplating what to say as listened to Aang's unsteady breathing. It hadn't been hard to figure out what was bothering him. In fact, she called him out on it the first day. She'd started to make a joke as was in her nature but something stopped her. Something told her he was truly hurt.

It irritated her to see him moping about she often forced him to go out and do stuff just to take his mind off of things but at the end of the day they always ended up back here, just like this. He would sit by the window sighing and she would try to keep her irritation to herself.

Katara and Aang had been an ill-fated romance from the very beginning. Katara was a nice girl and she had tried for a long time to make things work with Aang but Toph knew. Toph knew Katara never loved him as much as he loved her.

When Katara entered the room Aang's heart would take off racing. When she talked, Aang held his breath leaning in to latch onto every word. Whenever her hand so much as brushed his, there would be a slight hitch in his voice. When Aang spoke, Katara reacted no more than if Sokka had been the one speaking. When he entered a room the girl barely looked up. If his hand brushed hers, she thought nothing of it. It was kind of sad to experience along with them. In Toph's opinion it had only been a matter of time before things fell apart exactly as they had.

It was another of love's tough lessons but it was high time Aang learned it. Love lessons were never easy anyway. Toph had decided long ago that love is a game and she'd tried to share this theory with Aang but he refused to see it. Now he'd had to learn it the hard way but maybe now he'd stop being so blind to what had been before him all along.

"Do you think she'll come back?" Aang finally asked.

"Do you want the truth?" Toph snorted.

Aang stared at her for a moment; then he dropped his chin to rest on his folded arms.

"No." He said softly, knowing she would hear him.

- -

"So what of it? You know the part that you must play. It is in a man's nature to be distracted by a pretty face. A sensible woman looks the other way and buries whatever hurt feelings she may have. What you absolutely must not do is behave as a spoiled child. Tantrums will not help you." Lady Masora said emotionlessly.

"I have thrown no tantrums mother. It was only a question. Zuko is faithful to me." Mai said firmly. "I trust him. He may look at her but he is faithful."

"A man never stops at looking." Her mother sniffed.

"This one does but that is why I raised the question to begin with. How do I make him stop looking?" Mai asked growing frustrated with her mother.

She didn't know why she came to her mother for advice. Her father had had countless affairs. Each time Lady Masora behaved as if she noticed nothing until her husband's interest waned and then returned to her. Mai had been hoping her mother had some secret technique that brought her father back each time but there was apparently nothing other than their vows that held them.

That would of course make sense. Her parent's marriage, like many between nobles, was arranged. It was a marriage of convenience and so the two tolerated each other. Her mother was not an exceptionally warm woman and her father was overly ambitious. They were both beautiful, rich, and well educated so they made a fine pair but Mai was beginning to see that perhaps there had never been any love between them. It was all a well played game.

"There is no way to make a man stop looking. At best you can make yourself more desirable or find a way to get rid of the other woman. Other than that you wait." Her mother shrugged. "Complaining will only make your situation worse. If a husband strays, a wife must take him back into her life and her bed no matter what he has done. That is marriage. He may forget his duty to you but you may not forget your duty to him. You are the Fire Lady. He has been good to you all these years and you have become spoiled. Most noble women are lucky if their husband makes it through their first week of marriage without straying."

"So I must be silent, no matter how he behaves." Mai murmured to herself.

Her mother was surely right about her being lucky. The noble men did nothing to hide their own affairs. Often times they spoke openly about their other women right in front of their wives. Mai had watched a women not even bat an eyelash as her husband stood beside her, telling his friends of another man's wife that he had pleasured only the night before. It was utterly shameless.

"Indeed you must. Whatever he does cannot break your marriage vows. You are the Fire Lady. Whatever he does, he is still your husband. He may be a bad hus-"

"He is not a bad husband." Mai half shouted, cutting her mother off.

Lady Masora looked at her deluded daughter without sympathy. "Believe what you will."

Mai bit her lip. Coming to her mother was a bad idea but it was too late to withdraw now. She might as well ask the final question.

"What if he wants another?" Mai whispered. "How do I stop him?"

"You do not. If he wants another he can have her. He is the Fire Lord, that is his right. Leave such worries to her and her conscience. You can do nothing so you must remain constant. Just remember you are his wife and queen." Lady Masora said firmly.

Mai tried to keep the distress from her face. If her mother was right, Zuko's obsession with Katara was far from over. _'It will only grow unless I can stop him. I must make myself indispensable to him. I must show him I can do everything she can do.'_

She frowned. If she wanted to do that, she would have to talk to her cold hearted father. He would know everything that was going on at court and his network of spies would have the most up to date information on foreign affairs.

"You could marry the girl off." Lady Masora murmured.

"What?" Mai asked.

"You could find her a husband; give her a nice dowry in exchange for her new husband taking her far, far away." Lady Masora repeated. "You have the resources to do it."

"I do, don't I?" Mai murmured.

"Yes, yes you do." Lady Masora affirmed with one of her rare smiles.


	16. Chapter 15

A/N: Hey guys, my winter break is over so the chapters probably won't be coming as fast as more. So I'd like to say I'm sorry, in advance, for the delays.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Lady Ursa was pacing in her sitting room thinking hard about what she should do. Her son was receiving bad advice and in his vulnerable state, he was taking said bad advice. He was allowing flatterers to sooth his worries over the gossip surrounding him and Katara. It was clear he wanted the girl and he was tired of being lectured for not doing a better job of hiding it. In fact, if Ursa so much as mentioned the girl, Zuko would close up completely to her. Her motherly advice was ignored in favor of those who told him no one took such nonsense seriously anyway.

He was being a fool. Ursa planted her hands on her hips, tapping her foot irritably. Perhaps she had been after him about it too much and yes she may have offended him by calling in Iroh but he should see it as her motherly duty. She was concerned for him. He should not be blowing off these rumors as nonsense. Of course, an affair was not much of an offense considering all of Ozai's indiscretions but she hated to see her son sullying his own good name. From her own gathered intelligence she had learned Zuko wasn't taking the girl to his bed and that just made it all the more ridiculous for him to carry on in this manner allowing people to believe he was. The girl needed to be sent away.

As long as she was here, as long as he continued to give her power, and as long as he gave her his full attention he was ruining his otherwise perfect reign. In recent days, he had come to the decision that avoiding Katara was making things more suspicious. Now he could hardly be separated from her. Ursa threw up her hands in aggravation. What idiot had convinced him of that? She could see why he son fell for it. He was looking for any excuse to be near the beautiful young woman. That didn't stop Ursa from wanting to get a hold of him and shake him until his senses were restored.

She sighed as she looked out of her window to see the court having a picnic on the lawn. Zuko lounged between Katara and Mai carefully putting his focus on Mai but occasionally shifting his gaze to the side to look at the other young woman who giggled and turned her head whenever she caught him stealing glances.

At least her son was smart enough to include Mai in everything he did with Katara. That kept this whole ordeal at whispers and questions rather than certainties. And Mai was doing a good enough job of pretending she didn't mind the extra company. She sat with her head high and smiled at Katara as though she suspected nothing. Ursa frowned; half worried the poor young woman really thought nothing of Katara's constant presence. Mai had yet to show any signs of hostility to their guest and the love she had for Zuko shown in her eyes whenever she turned her gaze on him.

She picked up the letter Iroh had sent to her after returning to the Earth Kingdom. It was beginning to crinkle from how many times she had read it. She was trying to determine what tone he had written the letter in. From his assessment he believed Zuko did in fact love Mai but it was a love born from habit whereas his love for Katara was a love born of passion, a love of which he was very defensive. Ursa threw down the letter again as she always did after reading it. This was not love, it was lust, a simple madness. She felt as though Iroh's words were in some ways excusing Zuko. She snatched up the letter again. This time she read disappointment in the words. She gave an aggravated sigh. It was different every time she read it.

What was he telling her? What was it he wanted her to do to fix things? She couldn't let her son go on like this but she didn't want to push him further away, not after just finding each other again. She dropped the letter back onto the table, and rubbed her forehead.

"What am I to do?" She wondered out loud.

- -

Katara kept her eyes on the ground as Zuko stood and took Mai's hand. The older girl had claimed to have a headache just moments before and was going inside to lie down. Katara munched on an apple trying not to count the minutes until he returned from walking Mai back to her room.

It wasn't too hard finding a distraction as a jovial group of court boys tumbled over to her, falling about her in a mess of arms and legs. They offered to sing for her and seeing no reason to discourage them she giggled at the bawdy lines they had come up with.

"You lot are simply indecent." Reyson scolded, as he came to sit beside Katara, offering her a lovely flower. "Everyone knows poetry is the way to a woman's heart. For example…"

Katara blushed as he delivered his latest piece inspired by her.

"And will you love me now?" He asked when he had finished.

"How could I not? The most beautiful words come from your soul." She laughed.

"And you see gentlemen, that is how it is done." Reyson smirked to the other boys lying about her. He reached for her hand and kissed it tenderly.

She slipped her hand discreetly out of his and allowed herself to be sucked into a game of cards with Mai's ladies who had been sitting on the royal blanket with her. They offered her the sweetest smiles though Katara knew they only asked her to play to get the male attention on them as well. It hadn't worked very well because now the boys were crowding even closer each wanting to offer her advice so that she might win and reward her advisor with a kiss.

She had no intention of awarding anyone a kiss but day after day they tried to earn one.

"Like dogs to a bone." Zuko commented, as he returned, shooing away those he felt were too close to her.

"Well now how am I meant to win if you've sent away everyone who will help me? I've never played this game before." Katara complained.

"Then I will teach you." Zuko said decisively, sliding and arm around her waist to bring her closer, as if to keep the cards a secret between only them. Then he lifted his hands to encase hers pretending his goal was to spread her cards better so that he could see them, when in reality it was probably the closest he'd ever get to holding her hand. He leaned in close, for all appearances to eye her cards, but really to take in the scent of her.

This had become routine for them. He would come up with activities that brought the whole court together. He would invite both Mai and Katara and when Mai retired complaining of one thing or another he would take the opportunity to spend time with Katara. She would find some game or something that she hadn't tried before and he would offer himself up to teach her.

There were many smirks exchanged between courtiers when this happened but Katara and Zuko often missed the looks since they were so wrapped up in each other. The ones they noticed, they chose to ignore. Technically, they were doing nothing wrong, just playing a game of cards.

- -

Mai smiled contently as she lay back in her darkened room with just Emi and Suzuki to attend her. Her worries had been for nothing. Zuko was spending more time with her now than he ever had. With the scripts her father had written out for her it was easy enough to fake an interest in court matters. Outside of that she pushed herself to find the energy to attend every event he invited her to. She'd had her new dresses altered to show off more of her pale skin to draw his gaze from Katara back to her. And now it seemed he wanted her by his side constantly.

Of course it didn't bring her any additional joy that Katara was there all the time but she understood what he was trying to prove. Clearly he wanted to show her that Katara was no threat. She was pretty, he enjoyed her company, but that was it. It was his beautiful wife that he truly wanted by his side and in his bed.

Plus, she had made sure to be extra affectionate towards him in Katara's presence just to be sure the other girl understood that whatever fantasies she had of herself and Zuko were silly. All this was buying her time to find a suitable husband for Katara so that she could ship them both off somewhere far, far away. Lord Reyson seemed quite intent on her. She would have to bribe his father into agreeing but it was an option. In addition, she'd written to Ty Lee, asking her friend to keep an eye on the avatar. If she was lucky he might come back and take the troublesome waterbender with him.

Sighing happily, Mai laid back and closed he eyes, disappearing into a dream. She was content that things seemed to be coming together in her favor.

- -

"Would you like to take a walk, Katara?" Zuko murmured late in the afternoon. The sun was low and everyone was beginning to pack up to return in doors after their day of merriment.

"That would be nice." Katara smiled, taking the arm he offered to her.

Zuko's men and several of the ladies of the court perked up at the suggestion, bring a frown to the Fire Lord's face.

"You can go inside, dress for dinner, and entertain the Fire Lady until I return." Zuko commanded. There were looks of disappointment and mischievous grins exchanged at the order but his people listened and departed slowly.

With Katara's hand tucked into the crook of his arm, the two began a slow stroll around the palace. They didn't speak, choosing to enjoy the simplicity of the others' company. A small smile lit up Katara's face as she nestled against him, enjoying his warmth.

A sigh of contentment fell from the Fire Lord's lips as Katara lay her head against him arm. Being with her brought him such peace. He wished this moment could last forever. As she nestled in closer, he could smell the cool rainwater scent of her. He felt the warmth of her from her head, leaning against his shoulder, her small hand, tucked into the crook of his arm, and her thigh, as it brushed his with each step. He paused in the shadow of a weeping willow, resisting the urge to pull her into his arms. He pushed the thought out of his mind and returned his thoughts to the purpose of this walk.

He needed to talk to her. He knew what he wanted to say. He'd been wanting to say it for a while now but he was uncertain as her words flashed back to him. _'I don't want to know how you feel about me and you shouldn't care how I feel about you.'_ It was wrong of course, but he had accepted that this feeling wasn't going to leave him. He didn't know what to do about it and it was probably foolish to discuss it but he needed her to know.

"Katara." He started and then paused to think about the best method of approach.

Her eyes were on the ground but slowly she raised her gaze to him. He was struck again by the beauty of her face. Her clear blue eyes seemed so deep. He leaned closer as though he would fall into the blue.

Gazing at him, Katara saw the desire in his face but did not draw back from him.

"Yes, Zuko?" She whispered, her face upturned towards his.

He shook his head for a moment trying to remember his purpose but it was lost with her being so close. With her lips so close, he could not resist kissing her. She did not shrink away from him. In fact, for a moment she forgot completely about the world around her as she yielded to his kiss. How could she not? This kiss was different from the one in the library. The desire was there but this kiss was a tender caress of the lips. He kissed her like a man in love.

He held her gently as she sank into his hold. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rose up on her toes to gain leverage as she kissed him back. His fingers stroked the sides of her face and then slid back to tangle into her hairs. And she sighed, as he released her for air. She laid her cheek against and held herself to him letting her mind wander to a fantasy world where he was hers and she was his and there was nothing and no one who could ruin this moment.

He stroked her hair softly and then pressed a light kiss to the top of her head.

"Katara." He said again.

"Perhaps I should leave for Ember Island early." She murmured, against his chest.

"What?" He asked, his eyes snapping open.

"This is getting a little out of hand." She said sadly.

"Katara?" He frowned.

"I can't be in love with you and you can't be in love with me." She said, placing her hands against his chest and stepping back.

"Why do you keep doing this?" He snapped exasperated.

"Because you're married, stop forgetting that." She snapped back. She needed to stop forgetting that as much as he did. She had to put a wall back up between them. She was weakening to him and she knew it. But she couldn't be a home wrecker. She couldn't break up his marriage, no matter how badly she wanted to.

"I haven't forgotten anything." He argued.

"You forgot that we might be seen if anyone is looking out of their window." She retorted, grasping for anything to keep them apart.

"I don't care if anyone is looking out of their window." He shouted.

"Zuko, stop it. You're talking nonsense now." She said, angrily. It wasn't fair that he was encouraging these feelings in her or himself. It was hard enough to resist on her own. If he wasn't going to fight this attraction, how could she?

"It's not nonsense." He said softly.

She could hear the hurt in his voice. He was prepared to bare his soul to her. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't go on without telling her how he felt and she had shut him down. It tore at her heart to have to do it but there was nothing else she could do. It was for both their sakes.

"It is." She said firmly. "Now I have to go dress for dinner."

He stayed where he was, watching her walk stiffly back inside. It hurt to know that she wouldn't even hear him out. If he were smart, he'd let her go. If he were a better man, he would let things end there. If he hadn't been in love with her, he would have given up. But in the last couple of days he had come to accept three things: When it came to Katara, he was not smart. With his past deeds, he could never truly be a good man. And lastly, he was completely and helplessly in love with Katara.

He cared for Mai but he did not love her in the same way. He didn't know what this meant for them. He didn't know what it meant for him and Katara. He didn't know how to proceed. He didn't know who to talk to. It was all new, and confusing, and wrong but he could deny it no longer. He would fight until she listened and then they would figure this out together. He desperately wanted to believe there was a course of action that would solve everything.


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"And how are you feeling now?" A young healer asked as he took Katara's pulse.

"I feel fine." She said giving the young man a death glare. "I must have eaten something rotten at dinner last night."

The young man opened his mouth to say something but then snapped it shut at the look she was giving him.

"Food poisoning and exhaustion. I've been working hard and I'm not used to the heat here yet. It was only a matter of time before I fell ill." She said in a brusque manner.

"I suppose that could be it but…"

"That is it and the Fire Lord is not the only one you're going to have to worry about if you imply anything else." She growled.

"I would never." He gasped.

"Good." She said tersely. "I think I'll rest now."

"Yes, yes of course." He stammered. "If you should feel any differently or have any concerns."

"I'm fine." She repeated.

He nodded; feeling rattled by the young woman's commanding presence even as she sat in bed looking pale and tired. Her face was stern and she wasn't at all receptive of his attempts to diagnose what caused her to faint this morning. _'She is a healer herself, I suppose.'_ He thought as he gathered his things. Dropping a slight bow to her, he swept out of her rooms and left her with the serving girls the Fire Lord had sent to attend her.

Katara breathed a sigh of relief when he was gone. She felt quite angry with herself for slipping up so gravely. She had woken this morning feeling hot and dizzy. She had attributed the feelings to yet another night of tossing and turning lost in an erotic dream world.

It was at breakfast she realized her dreams might not be the problem. A plate of eggs had been set before her and she felt her stomach turn over. As more dishes were brought, she felt herself growing warm and dizzy again and hurried out of the room claiming to have forgotten something in her room. Once in the safety of her room, she'd thrown up for what felt like hours, even though it was probably only a couple of minutes.

Washing out her mouth she'd asked for a plate of bread to be brought to her room. She spent the next couple of hours alone in her room, telling everyone she had reports to go over before the next council meeting. She should have been more cautious since she'd experienced dizziness this morning but she thought it had passed. Sitting in the council meeting she'd begun to feel hot again. She'd reached for Zuko's hand under the table to get his attention.

*flashback*

_Zuko frowned feeling Katara's hand grasp his under the table. After yesterday's conversation he'd figured he would have to make the first move in making amends. Glancing at her, his confusion turned to worry._

"_Are you alright?" He whispered, taking in her slow controlled breaths._

"_No, I don't…" She paused, closing her eyes for a moment._

"_Katara?" He asked, her behavior making him nervous. He hadn't bothered to whisper this time and the room fell quiet as all eyes turned to them._

"_I don't feel so good." She breathed just as her eyes closed again and she fell sideways._

"_Katara!" Zuko shouted in shocked, as he caught her. "Get a healer."_

_The council was in a flurry of motion as everyone at once tried to find a healer or help the Fire Lord with the unconscious girl._

*end flashback*

Katara grit her teeth. She wanted to smack Zuko. She knew he really didn't have a choice about sending a healer to her since she had fainted publicly but she was still irritated. She didn't know who did and didn't know about her situation.

On an up note, she was now absolutely certain she was pregnant. She'd missed her monthly bleeding not too long ago and now all this. She half wondered if Zuko had figured it out, considering how many times Mai had been pregnant. _'He must know the symptoms by now. Of course, he didn't know about my lack of bleeding or my cramping.'_ She couldn't be sure he knew he reason for leaving breakfast this morning since she hadn't experienced morning sickness until today but if he put the fainting with the hasty exit, he might get it.

With the doctor gone, Katara settled back in her pillows and closed her eyes to think. It would be easy to pass off today as food poisoning but she needed a plan if may wasn't going to recognize her ongoing symptoms until she left. Her mind drifted back to her conversation with Zuko the previous day.

'_Perhaps I should leave for Ember Island early.'_

She cringed. The thought of leaving him caused her heart to clench painfully. She didn't want to be away from him but she didn't know that she could continue to be near him. Every day she wanted more from him and he was making it difficult for her not to ask. There were so many times that she contemplated stealing a kiss or giving him a lover's caress but she could do none of those things.

She twisted her fingers in her lap feeling sad and confused. _'I wish we were different people.'_ She thought with a sigh. _'I wish you could belong to me.'_

Pressing her head back against the pillows she held back the tears that wanted to fall.

"Katara." Zuko's voice caused her eyes to snap open. She hadn't even heard him come in.

"Zuko?" Her voice was shaky with the pent up emotion but she managed a small smile for him.

He crossed the room in three long strides and sat beside her, taking her hand in his.

"I was so worried this morning. I'm sorry I didn't realize you were ill sooner." He said.

She smiled softly at the concern she heard in his voice and saw in his eyes as he brought a hand up to push a few stray strands of hair off of her forehead.

"It's alright. I'm fine now." She sighed, leaning into the gentle caress of his hand.

"You should stay in bed for today." He suggested.

"No, I can't do that. I'll rest for the afternoon but I don't want anyone getting suspicious." She said.

"Suspicious of wha…" Zuko trailed off as realization dawned on him. "Katara..? You think..?"

"I'm sure." She whispered.

"Katara." He breathed, stroking her cheek tenderly.

He felt his love for her double. She was going to be the mother of his child. Right now, she was carrying his child. His free hand drifted to rest lightly on her belly.

Katara couldn't help but smile at the tender, affectionate look he cast on her flat stomach. It was still far too early to see any signs of change but Zuko looked at her as if he could see everything. She could see, already, that he loved their baby.

He lifted his eyes to hers and he could see that for once she wasn't going to push him away. This moment was significant to her as well. Leaning forward, he kissed her gently. She lifted her face willingly to his kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he rained kissed over her face and neck.

'_Katara, my love.'_ Zuko thought, not wanting to risk angering her in this one tender moment. He wished he could declare his love from the highest roof top in the world. He wanted everyone to know he was having a baby with the woman he loved. But sadly he could say nothing to anyone.

- -

Mai paced her room, wringing her hands together. All the healers running around the palace reminded her that she had yet to show signs of needing one. She felt anxious about her lack of symptoms. She ought to be pregnant by now but she had yet to miss her courses, she hadn't experienced any morning sickness, no aches, and no tenderness or swelling of the breasts. A few days ago, she'd gone the water tribe healer, who had remained in her retinue, but the woman told her she could sense no child.

"I must have a child. A child is the only way to save this marriage. I will have to release him otherwise." She told herself.

"You mustn't stress. Lie down and rest." Emi advised, guiding Mai back to the couch of her private suites.

"Yes, I'm sure the symptoms are just slow. Rest now." Suzuki agreed, taking Mai's hand in her own and patting it encouragingly.

"Yes, you're right. I'll rest." Mai sighed. "I think I'll rest for the day. Tell Zuko I won't come to dinner. Ask him if he will dine here with me."

Suzuki paused at the hopeful look that accompanied Mai's request. The Fire Lord hadn't dined privately with the Fire Lady in a while. Suzuki doubted he'd be able to tear himself away from the Lady Katara for that long.

"I will make the request." Suzuki said with a bow.

- -

Lady Ursa held her jaw tight as she learned of her son's rejection to Mai's request. _'He is being foolish.'_ She thought for perhaps the thousandth time.

Her son had spent the day dallying in Katara's rooms. Fortunately, the boy had been clever enough to set everyone to thinking that he was in his own room working but her spies had discovered he had in fact been with Katara for most of the morning and afternoon. It was only now that he had separated himself from her to prepare for dinner.

'_He will catch whatever illness she has.'_ Ursa thought as she recalled this morning's events. The girl was not well and it wouldn't be good if Zuko caught whatever she had and fell ill without an heir.

She sat at once and began preparing another letter to Iroh, begging him to return for an extended stay. If he were here perhaps he could talk some sense into Zuko. Her son needed guidance. He needed someone he would listen to.


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry the last one was so short. I only have time to write on the weekends and Monday afternoons so the updates are still going to be slow but as i get organized and get used to my winter schedule I'll be able to write more often.

* * *

**Chapter 17**

The next morning, Katara chose to stay in her room until after her bout of morning sickness. She had dismissed her attendants after dinner and told them she would send for them in the morning to avoid them catching on to her morning illness. She was taking her time dressing to allow herself time to think. She was on edge this morning because she had been summoned to Mai's chambers. She had yet to determine why she had been called. She was worried that the other girl was going to lash out at her for all the attention Zuko had been showing to her.

Fortunately, Mai hadn't been at dinner last night. The way Zuko had looked at her during dinner had made her feel naked. It was a heated, passionate stare and it had made her feel terribly hot and bothered. Any time she had tried to give him a look to say stop it, she got lost in the inferno. _'Gods, what are you doing to me?'_ She thought, placing a hand on her forehead. She was burning up but not with illness. The fever that burned through her was lust. Something about knowing for sure that she was carrying his child made her want him more. And it seemed he was equally affected by her pregnancy.

'_I cannot go to Mai's room while having indecent thoughts about her husband.'_ Katara shouted at herself. _'I just need to calm down.'_

That of course was easier said than done. Katara was halfway to Mai's rooms when her path crossed with Zuko's. It was like before when they stood on opposite sides of the hall but the desire between them was so intense it made the more modest courtiers blush and avert their eyes from the heated gazes. Katara sank into a low curtsey and Zuko's eyes followed her every movement. As she came up, she could feel his eyes travel down the length of her and then return to her face. She shivered and bit her lip. On his face was a mischievous smile; then he turned in one elegant flourish and left with his advisors following.

Katara pressed a hand to her pounding heart and tried to ignore the giggles of court ladies who were lingering in the halls. Steadying her breathing, Katara began again at a much slower pace. She was dreading reaching Mai's doors now. There was no way incidents like this didn't get back to her.

'_This is going to be terrible.'_ Katara thought. _'I should have never come here. I should have never agreed to this.'_

She looked at the guards before Mai's the door and waited as if going to execution to be called to enter. She imagined traitors going to their death must feel something like this as they made their way to the scaffold. It was a terrible feeling but one she felt she deserved. She had betrayed Mai by allowing what should have been a simple business transaction with Zuko to become far more. Her actions had been inappropriate and it was time she faced the woman she was causing to suffer.

"Lady Mai." Katara murmured, sinking into her lowest curtsey. When she came up she saw a rather satisfied look in the eyes of Mai's closest ladies, Emi and Suzuki. Katara was aware that neither girl liked her very much nor did they have reason to. They did not pretend to not notice Zuko's infatuation with her.

"Katara." Mai smiled. "It's been a while since we've had a girls' day. I hope you don't mind?"

"Of course not." Katara said, stealing discreet looks at Mai trying to determine what the other girl was thinking.

Mai offered Katara a kind smile as her eyes scanned the young woman before her. She had decided that until she came up with the best plan for Katara it was perhaps best to keep the girl close to her. If Katara was with her, then she was away from Zuko. With the exception of meetings, he had no other reason to deny Mai Katara's companionship.

Looking at her, it was easy to see what all the fuss was about. Katara was indeed very beautiful. A part of Mai hoped that perhaps if she observed her long enough she might learn what she had to do to draw Zuko's eye back to her. However, it seemed that Katara didn't really go out of her way to be sensual. It was just part of who she was. She was an exotic enchantress.

Holding back a sigh, Mai beckoned Katara to follow her into the sitting room where she had set up a variety of card games. Mai had invited a few prominent noblemen's sons to join the card games and luncheon she had prepared to fill Katara's day. She would observe the men, as much as Katara, and attempt to discern who would be best for the girl.

- -

Zuko sat in the meeting hall tapping his fingers distractedly. He was aware of the petitioners lining the room, waiting for him to beckon them forward for an audience but he couldn't focus long enough to hear anyone all the way through. Mai was keeping Katara locked up in her room all day. He had heard they were playing cards and sipping tea but something felt off about it. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

He knew Mai wasn't a stupid woman. She was well aware of his interest in Katara but it seemed odd to him that she had yet to say anything to him about it. She hadn't thrown a tantrum and demanded he send her away. She hadn't been rude or openly hostile to Katara. Instead, she was clinging to the girl. It baffled him.

It also irritated him that being with Mai all day meant that he wouldn't be able to see Katara until dinner. Unless, of course, he ventured to his wife's rooms to discover what was really going on. He tossed away that idea. That would be walking into a trap for sure.

His attraction to Katara was bordering obsession. He thought about her all the time. Ever since her pregnancy had been confirmed he felt a constant need for her. When Mai had been pregnant he had always been inclined to give her space for fear of hurting the baby but with Katara it was completely different. The thought of her rounding with his child made him uncomfortably hard. It was a hassle arranging his robes to hide what felt like an eternal erection. His need for her was driving him crazy. He had to have her again. He had to have her again, soon.

- -

"I'm going to write to her." Aang declared.

"And say what?" Toph snorted.

"Um…" Aang paused scratching his head. He hadn't really determined what he wanted to say he just knew he didn't want Katara to forget him.

"You're wasting your time, twinkle toes. Katara will write to you when she's ready. Why don't you try thinking about something else?"

"How am I supposed to think about something else Toph?" Aang cried. "It might seem simple to you but IT'S NOT, it's just not!"

Toph ground her teeth irritably but chose to say nothing. With a frustrated sigh and a toss of her hair, she breezed out of the room leaving Aang to mope on his own. She didn't need to be brought down by his everlasting dour mood.

- -

Katara shifted nervously in her seat at dinner. She was having difficulty concentrating on the conversations going on around her. She was seated with some of the young men she had spent the day playing cards with. They were all very handsome but she took no notice of their good looks. She took no notice of their attempts to engage her in a genuine conversation. She didn't notice the scents of the food surrounding her. She was trying to eat but she tasted nothing. All she could feel was heat, the heat of his gaze.

He was watching her again. His hungry gaze tracking her then drifting so that it didn't seem he was paying too much attention until his eyes fell on her again. In her opinion, looking away wasn't going to fool anyone because when his eyes fell on her, the energy of the entire room changed. She shot him a glare earlier but the look he had been giving her caused her to blush and immediately avert her eyes before anyone spotted the desire that had instantly sparked in her own eyes from the brief eye contact.

Mustering up some courage, she glanced up at him again. His eyes were on his mother who was frowning at him. He shrugged at his mother and she shook her head then stood and bowed to her son. He frowned briefly but then inclined his head and watched her leave. As if feeling Katara's eyes, he turned his gaze to hers. She froze like a deer caught in the headlights as a secretive smile came to his lips. Katara watched him lick his lips and her throat clenched. His eyes burned with the unspoken invitation.

'No.' She mouthed.

He didn't respond. His gaze lingered on her for a moment longer and then shifted to the other side of the room. She shivered. Despite her objects, Katara got the distinct feeling that she would be his tonight.

Feeling flustered, Katara excused herself from dinner. Reyson stood quickly offering to escort her back to her room but she gently rebuffed his attempts to spend time alone with her before fleeing the dining hall. In the hallway she paced. She had a lot to think about and no one to talk to. There was no one she could go to with her dilemma because the answer was simple and obvious. She needed to leave this court. She needed to stay away from Zuko, especially with her hormones so crazy active right now. She heard herself whine softly at the very idea of leaving him. That was the absolute last thing that she wanted to do.

'_Why are you doing this to me?'_ She asked. She wasn't sure if the thought was directed at the gods or at Zuko. She just knew she wanted answers. She wanted the craziness to end and her judgment to no longer be skewed. But most of all she wanted this heat to go away. She closed her eyes and suppressed a soft sound at the memory of his eyes on her.

'_Why do you have to be married?'_

She walked the halls aimlessly. She had hoped that the walk would help clear her head but it was doing nothing for her. She eventually found herself in front of the library where she rested her forehead against the cool wooden doors. A part of her hoped that she would absorb some sort of wisdom the place. But she had no such luck.

Lifting her head from the door, Katara began the trek to her room. Halfway there, her breath caught in her throat as arms circled around her. She knew who it was without him speaking.

"You shouldn't be here." She whispered urgently.

She cast her mind back trying to determine how long she had been gone from dinner. Had he followed right after her?_ 'No, no, he wouldn't be that foolish.'_ She thought as she tried to wiggle free from his hold.

"I know." He murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck. "But I can't stay away from you."

Her eyes closed in a pained grimace. She felt the same way. She wished she could tell him that but…

"Zuko…we can't…this…this is wrong…" She breathed, trying hard to think around the hammering of her heart and the blood pounding in her ears. A shuddered ran down her spine at the feeling of his hot breath against her bare neck.

"Tell me you don't want this." He whispered. An agonized sound was ripped from her throat. She knew she should be fighting this but the huskiness of his voice and the nearness of his body was driving her insane. "Every moment that you were away I felt like I was dying inside. I was drying up inside, crumbling into nothingness. I felt I would perish from thirst, a thirst you awakened in me. Tell me you didn't feel the same and I'll let you go. Tell you don't still feel something. Tell me you don't need me right now as much as I need you. You're a part of me Katara. You're like air to me. I can't bear to be away from you. I love you, Katara. I love you. I know you don't want to hear it but that's the truth about how I feel. I want us to sort this out. We'll find a way. I know we'll find a way."

A tear spilled down her cheek at his heartfelt words. He was dying for her and her for him. This was wrong but she couldn't lie to him. She couldn't deny the countless nights she had laid awake tossing and turning, craving his touch, yearning for his kiss. She had awoken too many times consumed by a fire that only one man could put out. She had been ashamed and she still should be but in this moment it just felt so right to allow herself this pleasure, to be in his arms once more. She could not deny him.

"I felt as though all the warmth in the world had been stolen from me, as though I would freeze to death on the inside. I've felt weak and weary from the loss of your touch. All I want is to be with you all the time." She whispered. "But…"

He dipped his head down and pressed a kiss to her shoulder and then to the spot where neck and shoulder met. She drew in a sharp breath as his lips continued up to just under her ear.

"Then stay with me tonight, give me just one more night, please Katara." His voice was a low husky whisper that melted her insides. "I think of you all the time. I've tried avoiding you but all I wanted was to see you, to kiss you, to touch you. I can't avoid you anymore. I can't play this game anymore."

They both knew it wouldn't stop with one night but it was a comforting lie to tell themselves. It was a lie that made them feel that it was better to do this once and put the fire out rather than continue sneaking heated looks. She was trying hard to think but he was making it far too difficult.

She had trouble responding now that he was trailing kisses back down her throat. When she thought she had a clear enough mind to answer her breath was swept away in a gasp, his teeth had found the pressure point in her neck.

"Zuko…" She said softly, panting slightly, trying to maintain control.

"Mmm, yes?" He hummed, cupping her cheek with one hand and turning her face towards him. Her voice was lost as she sank into his fiery golden eyes. He pulled her face closer so that he could kiss her properly. She leaned back against him as his tongue danced over hers. He wasn't rushed in any way as his arms tightened around her and he drowned her in his promise of a sensual night. A soft moan fell from her lips and his kiss deepened at the sound. Her ability to form a single thought was rapidly slipping away and she couldn't bring herself to be upset about it.

"Katara." His voice held an urgency that only aroused her further. He was a master of seduction, his touch, his voice, his kiss. Everything about this moment was sucking her further in. Her only comfort was knowing she wasn't alone in this, she could tell he was affected the same way. His hands were roaming over her body and he had subtly begun to lift the hem of her dress while pulling her hips back against his own. She groaned feeling his arousal pressing against her backside, begging for her consent. She felt the warmth spread through her body and a sweet ache between her thighs. She needed him, she needed him now.

Her breathing was ragged as she leaned her head back against his shoulder and pressed her hips back against him, hoping to convey her acceptance. He groaned, allowing a hand to creep between her thighs and brush against her gently. At the same time he pressed his hips forward and his groan was met with a shaky moan from her.

"Yes." She breathed, voicing her acceptance and grinding her hips back against him.

"Yes?" His voice held a note of desperation. If she stopped him now he would die.

"Please." The pleading note to her voice almost undid him.

His forehead fell against her shoulder as they moved together in the dark silence of the hallway. His arms tightened around her waist as their movements grew more demanding. They were wrapped in their own heated world with nothing but their panting breathes and desire.

"Bed. We have to…get to a bed." He muttered into her shoulder.

Her only reply was a dazed moan and he could wait no longer. Sweeping her up into his arms, he carried her quickly and quietly through the secret halls the servants used and into a spare bedroom far away from anyone who might hear them.

He laid her on the bed and his heart sighed with joy seeing her lying there again, hair splayed across the pillow, pupils dilated, and arms reaching for him. He would take the time to cherish every beautiful part of her on the next round. For now he just needed release, he needed her body wrapped around his, to carry him to heights he could only reach with her. He needed her touch, her warmth, her love. He needed her. And when they were satisfied, when he could think straight, they would figure things out together.


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Katara slowly woke, feeling warm and relaxed. A small smile curved her lips and she reached her arms up to stretch…or at least she tried.

She was awake in an instant, suddenly very aware of the warm weight pinning her to the bed. Her eyes widened as it came back to her what she had done last night. Part of her wanted to cringe, the other wanted to rejoice. She'd needed that, him. Her body had been calling out for him. Her skin had craved his touch, her lips his kisses. She'd needed to be back in his arms to feel complete.

And it was wrong, all so very wrong and yet it felt so terrifically right. This was exactly where she wanted to be.

Shutting her eyes tight with silent regret she squirmed her way from underneath him and found her outer robe on the floor. She hurriedly wrapped it around herself and tide the sash, not bothering to put the dress on underneath. Then she stood there beside the bed trying to decide what to do next. Only it would seem he was awake now because an arm snaked out around her waist and pulled her back to bed.

"Morning." He murmured in a gruff voice, sitting up behind her and pulling her into his lap.

'_This shouldn't be happening.'_ She thought, as his lips descended on hers.

"Zuko…" She mumbled against his lips. "Zuko, no, we can't…You said one night."

It took all of her willpower to pull away from him. The loss of contact left her feeling cold and empty and her mind raged at her to return to the warmth of his arms.

"I know. I know." He said sadly, pulling her back into his arms and dropping his head lightly against her shoulder. "But I want to be with you."

"Don't say that." She gasped; surprised by the emotions it stirred within her, the longing that arose. It made her heart leap with joy to hear such words but it pained her that what she wanted should never be.

"You're married." Her voice was a broken whisper. It hurt her to be the sensible one but that was her job in the group. It always had been. She removed his arms from around her and rose from the bed putting distance between them so that she could think. She turned her back on him to stop herself from falling into his heated gaze but she could still feel his eyes on her. Following every motion of her body, traveling every inch of her robe, undressing her in his mind. She thought she would die of the things her mind conjured up.

She cried out in shock as he was suddenly behind her, arms locked around her waist possessively.

"Please Katara." She was melting at the warm, soft voice, so close to her ear. "Just say it once. Tell me you want me. Tell me you need me. Tell me you love me…"

"Zuko, I…" She began, then stopped, gritting her teeth and grasping desperately for sense. "No, Zuko, no."

"Yes, you do." He murmured sensually. His hands had found the knot in her sash and loosened it with a practiced ease. "You know you do and I know you do."

Katara drew in a sharp shaky breath as she felt his hands on her bare skin and his lips began to move against her neck. He caressed the soft flesh of her stomach, the curve of her hips, and silky smooth thighs before one hand ventured up to stroke the soft skin of her breasts and the other snuck down between her legs. He alternated between kissing her neck and whispering sweet nothings in her ear; his deep voice, enticing her into a puddle of neediness.

This combination was too much for her weak resolve. He'd been battering at her defenses since waking and she was only human. She cried out as his fingers sank into her and her legs spread of their own accord. His whispering became heated and her head lolled back against his shoulder as she listened.

Zuko was at peace alas. Katara was in his arms, where she belonged. He knew now that he couldn't survive without her.

He languished in her growing cries. Her hips moved with his hand and he worked feverishly to give her what she wanted. Her shoulders stiffened and her back arched as her cry of release was finally ripped from within. Tears of completion leaked down her face as her body trembled against him.

He turned her in his arms and held her close. He kissed her desperately, tongue plundering her lips for their sweet taste. He released her and her breathing slowly began to return to normal as he stroked her belly lightly. She clung to him and he held her tighter.

She looked up at him with sparkling dazed eyes and he knew there would never be anyone else for him as perfect as she. He'd never feel this depth of emotion for anyone. His heart swelled at the tired smile she gave him. He kissed her again, this time a claiming kiss. She was his and he wasn't ever letting her go again.

- -

Emi walked slowly, balancing a tray of mostly empty dishes. The Lady Mai had taken breakfast alone in her room before departing to spend the afternoon with her family. She wanted to seek her mother's advice as she still had yet to show any signs of pregnancy.

As she neared entered the kitchen doors Emi paused hearing her mistress' name. Staying where she was, she tilted her head to better here what the gook was talking about with his staff.

"Well he certainly treats her like a queen. He might as well put her on the throne and be done with." The palace cook said stoutly.

"Spirits, save us," one of the kitchen girls murmured. "The nobles can do as they please."

"He has had her." One of the serving boys piped in.

Emi bristled with anger. Hands firmly gripping the tray she started forward to give the boy a good scolding when the kitchen girl did it for her.

"Quiet you," the kitchen girl warned with a stern look. "You shouldn't be gossiping about your betters."

"But it's true, my father said so." The boy went on, defending himself. "Just last night in the hallway, he heard them while he was going about his rounds."

Hearing this, Emi all but dropped the tray. With shaking hands, she moved silently to a counter where she could set the tray without drawing any attention to herself. She didn't want to stay here a moment longer. She certainly didn't want to be drawn into the conversation and asked for her opinion on the matter.

"No!" The kitchen girl gasped, scandalized.

"And here I thought it was all just gossip." The cook chuckled.

Gathering up the length of her gown, Emi retreated from the kitchen as quickly as she could. She walked quickly through the halls trying not to picture what had occurred here on the previous night. Her quick walk turned into a run as she felt surrounded by the Fire Lord's betrayal of his wife.

- -

Mai's cold hands shook as she clasped a warm cup of tea between them. She had come to speak to her mother only but her father had come home in the middleof their conversation. She clenched her jaw tightly as her father's stormy eyes continued to watch her every move. He was displeased with her as he had been for many years now. He had hoped her marriage would bring great advantage to their family but it had yet to do any lasting good. His hopes of being grandfather to the next Fire Lord were repeatedly dashed and while he put on a good show in public of caring for his daughter's feelings it hardly mattered here in the privacy of his home.

"What do you mean you don't know?" His sharp voice ringing out like the crack of a whip, causing Mai to jump.

"It is exactly that. I do not yet know." Mai repeated. "I haven't had any signs yet."

"What is the use of a daughter who cannot bear children?" He shouted, slamming his fist on the table.

Mai tightened her jaw swearing to herself that she would not cry in front of her father. He was an ambitious man and that is what made him so harsh. He wanted a son to advance the family but had only a daughter. Mai's mother had suffered such complications with the birth of her first child that she had been unable to bear more. Her father made no attempt to hide his vexation.

"You are to go to your husband every night without fail, Mai. You are easily replaced. Your claim to the throne is weaker than ever. He has elevated that water peasant higher than any noble of pure Fire Nation blood and it is your fault entirely. You've wasted too many years sulking and you've made a mess of everything." He snarled as he paced. "We need to drive that girl out."

He paused. She said nothing, keeping her eyes on the table. Only her mother could see the hatred burning in Mai's eyes.

"I have been working on it. Mother said-" Mai finally said.

"What does your mother know about anything?" Her father shouted, causing both women to suppress a flinch. "You listen to me. Me, the one who has provided you with the clothing, the jewelry, the cosmetics, and every other necessary thing to seduce a Fire Lord and still you have failed me. You have failed as a wife and you have failed as a daughter."

"I'm doing what I can but I don't want to anger him. He is my husband. I want-" Mai started again.

"Do you honestly believe I care what you want at this point?" He yelled at her. "Perhaps when you had prospects I cared but not anymore, not when you've made yourself so useless."

His words stung and Mai felt the first tear escape her. She cursed inwardly, feeling weak, but she had no power to stop the slow trickle that had started down her cheek.

"Wipe your face. You look like a mess. The Fire Lady must never look so pathetic. You must be perfect." He scolded.

With shaking hands, Mai took the handkerchief her mother offered her. Both women knew it would do no good to argue with the angry man in front of them. They had to let him rage until he ran out of steam.

"I will be grandfather to the next Fire Lord." Lord Kaoru said to himself.

Mai's face hardened, behind the silk of the handkerchief, as she heard her father's words. Taking a deep breath, she folded the piece of silk and set it on the table near her mother. Reluctantly, her eyes sought her father to see if he anything left to say.

"Well! What are you still doing here? Get back to court and stop that girl from making a fool of our family. Get your head out of the clouds Mai. You are the Fire Lady. Start acting like it!" He snapped.

- -

It was some time later that Katara sat in her room brushing her hair and staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes fell to her lips, swollen from kisses. She set down the brush and ran her fingers gently over her lower lip.

"What happens now?" She whispered to her reflection. "There's no taking back what I've done. There's no excuse."

She fell silent.

'_Zuko.'_ She thought. Her eyes dropped from her reflection to the golden brush he had given her. He was dedicated to her. He loved her. He had told her as much earlier and still she hadn't been able to say it back.

*flashback*

"_I'll leave her, Katara, after the baby. I…I can't before. She's still too…too fragile. Separating will hurt her enough. If I cause her to lose the baby by leaving her now…I couldn't live with myself." Zuko proclaimed, holding her hands in his._

"_Then we must wait. This cannot continue until then.' Katara said, squeezing his hands._

"_Why not? You know I love you. That won't change. It's hard enough to pretend each day in front of everyone but I shouldn't have to pretend with you, not when I'm alone with you." Zuko reasoned._

"_You're still married, Zuko." Katara cried, pulling her hands free of his._

"_Only on paper. In my heart, you're my queen. You're my wife." He said taking her hands again._

"_But not on paper. It's wrong to continue. It's a scandal to continue." She cried, exasperated. He was so driven by his feelings it was difficult to reason with him._

"_It is a scandal no matter what. People will talk no matter what. There's no changing that. All that changes is that what's being said is true rather than slander. We can have our own life behind closed doors or on Ember Island until I'm free to be with you."_

"_I don't know, Zuko. It's too much. There's a line-" She started._

"_From the minute I told you I loved you, I have been across that line. There is no going back for me. And frankly after last night don't you think you've crossed it too?"_

*end flashback*

'_I've already allowed myself to be a mistress. Why can't I tell him I love him? Am I being selfish, not telling him? He was honest with me.'_ She worried, standing up so that she could pace around her room. _'Or is it worse to tell him? Is that wholly giving in to the affair? Oh gods, I'm having an affair.'_

Katara sank down to the floor, burying her head in her hands. _'How did my life get so out of control?'_

Taking slow, deep breaths, Katara stood back up. Once she had collected herself, she sat at the vanity table again. Her eyes rose to her reflection once more.

She still looked the same, the same blue eyes, the same full lips; and yet, everything was different. She was different.

"I love him." She whispered to the mirror. Tears were collecting in her eyes. She had never felt so lost and confused before in her life.

'_I know that it is wrong and to some extent cruel and I hope that I can be forgiven in time because I love him. I love him and all I want is to be with him. My heart is so full of love for him, I'm afraid that it might burst. It's all wrong but I can't be mad at him. I'm ashamed but it doesn't change how I feel about him. What am I supposed to do?'_

* * *

Please, please review.


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Mai's eyes were stormy as she gazed out over the vast lawn of the Fire Nation Palace. Zuko had made an excuse every night this week not to come to her. She was beginning to feel as though the entire court was turning against her. She had noticed more and more of her noble "friends" slipping away as the days passed. She was beginning to notice Katara's entourage grew with each passing day.

'_Damn her.'_ Mai thought bitterly. _'I thought that at least some of them were my friends.'_

It was then that she recalled her father's famous mantra. _There are no friends in a court, only courtier._

Mai shook her head irritably. At least once she had been on top. Her father was right. She had wasted too many years sulking. She had waited too many years to start living. The young waterbender was becoming quite problematic because she was so young and fresh and lively.

Mai pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window, allowing her eyes to settle on a young couple walking across the lawn. Their heads were close and they were half hidden by the shade of the trees and the light fall cloaks they wore. The girl's hips swayed side to side as she strolled and the man beside her easily matched her steps. A half smile came to her face as she remembered strolling there with Zuko in the early days of their marriage.

Mai's smile turned into a frown as the girl turned her head and her cloak slipped revealing Katara's unique wavy brown locks. Mai felt the blood drain from her face as she took a better look at the man walk beside her; he was close enough to touch her but they weren't touching. _'Zuko.'_

Katara was holding something in her hands as she spoke to Zuko, who paused momentarily looking back at the palace. Mai clenched her fists together knowing he was probably estimating how many people were watching from their windows. _'Walk away from her.'_ She thought to him. _'Walk away.'_

He did no such thing. Instead, with a shrug, he moved a little closer to her to inspect the small book that was in Katara's hands. He read something from the book and smiled down at her. Mai glared at the girl as she looked up at him with innocent eyes and blushing cheeks. Mai couldn't help but feel the first stirrings of hatred towards the other girls as Zuko's arm slid around her waist so that he could look over her shoulder at the book as they walked together. _'The little minx.'_ Mai thought irritably, turning swiftly from the window.

'_She's probably been after him all along.'_ Mai thought, beginning to pace. _'Is it true? Is all the gossip true? NO! No, it can't be. She may be after him but Zuko loves me. He loves me. She has to go. She must go!'_

Turning from the window, Mai called for her writing table. She would need Ty Lee's advice for this.

- -

In the late afternoon, Katara found herself lying under a weeping willow, watching the clouds drift through the sky. Zuko was leaning against the tree with her head resting in his lap. A soft smile danced across her face at the feel of his fingers stroking her hair. They had spent the last two weeks in a state of misguided bliss. While everything was wrong about the situation, neither had resisted being drawn to each other.

"How long have we been gone?" She asked.

"A half an hour, perhaps." Zuko shrugged.

"Then we ought to get back." She murmured, making no attempt to get up. They had strolled the grounds this morning but had needed to get away from the palace to pursue more passionate activities.

"I hardly think anyone believes we are truly on a walk anyway." Zuko shrugged.

Katara bit her lip as Mai's face made a brief appearance in her head.

"Zuko," She said in a low voice, sitting up. "It's bad enough without us being blatantly obvious. We probably shouldn't be missing for too much longer."

He stroked her cheek gently. "I'm sorry about all this; I know you don't like it."

"I just feel guilty. No matter what I do, I'll feel guilty. It is something I will have to learn to live with." She said softly.

"It won't be forever." He murmured, kissing the top of her head.

"It will. I can never forget what I have taken from her. If I lost you to another woman-"

"You won't." He said cutting her off. "I love you. I made some poor decisions earlier in life. I should have been more patient but those are my mistakes to live with. Please try not to be too hard on yourself."

Katara bit her lip, knowing that nothing was going to really make a difference.

"I can try." She promised.

"Good." He said kissing her.

- -

Mai was waiting for Zuko when he returned. She was perched on the corner of his bed when he entered his chambers.

"Mai?" His voice only slightly betrayed his shock.

"I'm wearing red and brown to dinner tonight. I thought you might like to match." Mai said nonchalantly.

"You couldn't have sent a servant to tell me that." Zuko chuckled as he shrugged out of his outer robe.

"Not if I wanted to see you, no." She said softly.

Her eyes narrowed as she caught the slight hesitation in Zuko's movements when she said that.

"I'm sorry I've been so busy lately." He apologized.

"That's alright. We're together now." She offered with a sugary smile.

Zuko ceased his distracted movements and turned to face her completely. His eyes traveled over her face as he tried to decide what he was meant to say.

"I saw a curious thing out of my window today." She continued, sliding her hand over the silky fabric of his comforter until she was lying on her side, watching him.

"Out of your window?" He asked.

"Yes, right across the lawn." She commented and then paused to watch his reaction. "I saw two lovers, sharing a book."

"No, not lovers." Zuko said automatically. "Katara was showing me something in her book or poems."

Mai felt herself relax a bit. He could have denied having been there at all but he had been very forthcoming about who the pair she had seen were. She was mildly satisfied with the confession but pressed him anyway.

"You looked like lovers." She said flatly. "From where I was standing, I mistook you two for a courting couple."

"You were mistaken." He said, coolly.

"Good because I would hate to have to banish her." Mai said silkily.

"I would allow you to do no such thing." Zuko said tightly.

"It would be for her own good, Zuko. She is playing a dangerous game." Mai responded just as tightly.

"It is no game, Mai. I suggest you stay out of it."

"What does that mean?" She asked.

"It means nothing."

"Zu-"

"Mai, I'm tired. I've had a long day. All I want is a bit of peace. I'm sorry you've troubled yourself to come all this way to be sure that we match this evening but I'll be taking dinner here, alone."

"Alone?"

"Yes, alone."

Mai's narrowed eyes held his searching briefly for some sort of explanation. Finding no answer in his face she swept herself up off the bed and over to the door.

"I'm sorry to have disturbed you." She replied coolly.

"Mai, don-" Zuko started.

She bowed to him and left, not waiting to hear what he had to say. Her chest felt constricted and the first true fears of disloyalty began to creep up on her. Her mantra of _'he loves me'_ was becoming less effective as she wandered aimlessly through the halls. She had walked these halls thousands of times but suddenly she felt lost, as though she had never been there before.

She felt cold and sick by the time she finally reached her room. Emi and Suzuki were quite worried as she asked to be left alone and locked her doors against everyone.

Sitting at her mirror, she stared at her reflection.

"He loves me?" She asked, feeling tears begin to collect. "He loves me? Only me?"

A cool tear found its way down her cheek. It made her feel weak as she recalled crying in front of her father. _'He's right. I wasted too much of my life and now I may have lost him.'_

She dropped her head into her hands. Her fingers pressed against her eyelids and she willed the tears to stop. _'No, no! I will not lose him. He is my husband. He is mine. I will fix this. I can fix this.'_

Raising her head, she glared at herself in the mirror.

"Fix this." She commanded herself.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

"And if I drink this, I will know for sure?" Mai asked her physician wearily.

"Yes, my lady. If you become ill, you are surely pregnant, if not…" He trailed off.

"I am." Mai snapped.

The healer gave her a sympathetic look.

"It's only; I am not used to not having the signs." She said in a calmer voice. "You are not to tell the Fire Lord about this. It is a test for my conscience alone."

"As you wish, my lady." He replied with a bow.

"You can leave." Mai ordered.

"But don-" He started.

"I don't need anything else, I am with child. This is simply for physical evidence. Leave me." She commanded icily.

His mouth opened and closed for a moment and Mai found herself feeling increasingly irritated. He seemed to come to at the hard glare she was giving him.

"Of course, my lady, as you wish." He said, bowing and then exiting the room.

Once he was gone Mai held up the vial he had given her and examined the milky liquid inside. _'I am with child.'_ She told herself. _'He cannot leave me if I am carrying his child.'_

- -

Katara's eyes were wide as she took in the array of jewels before her. On red velvet cloth laid an assortment of diamonds, sapphires, emeralds, rubies, and pearls as various forms of jewelry.

"Pick one, it will be my private gift to you. When you look at it, you will remember how much I love you and when I see it, I will know that you love me took." Zuko murmured in her ear.

"Zuko I couldn't possibly." Katara breathed, she hadn't ever seen such wealth laid before her.

"It is jewelry, Katara. No one shall know the meaning or where it came from but you and me." He reassured her.

"Except that no one could afford such finery except a King." She scoffed.

"Well I am your friend. Can't friends give each other gifts?" He asked innocently.

She turned in his arms to face him but any reply she had in mind was cut off by his kiss. She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning into him.

Pulling back, he smiled down at her and stepped out of her reach as the gold smith returned with another cloth of red velvet. He spread it across the back end of the already jewel laden table. Opening a silk pouch, he emptied it onto the cloth and another wave of jewels tumbled onto the scarlet background.

"White gold?" He asked, noticing she hadn't picked anything from the cloth of jewels set in silver and gold.

Katara hesitated, not wanting the gold smith to think she was some greedy mistress. _'He must think the worst of me.'_ She thought. _'He probably thinks I've been after gold and jewels all along.'_

"Katara, I want you to have something for all your hard work." Zuko announced, reading her mind. "You've done a lot for the Fire Nation, you ought to be rewarded."

Katara glanced at the gold smith. His expression hadn't changed. He didn't seem to care what the jewels were for. He just wanted to know which one she wanted. Sighing, she moved a little closer to the table.

"Are you sure?" She asked Zuko.

"Of course I'm sure." Zuko nodded, placing a hand at the small of her back and moving her a bit closer. "Did you want him to go find you something in white gold?"

"No, I'll find something here. Everything is so lovely. I just didn't know where to begin." She explained, smiling brightly at the gold smith. He beamed with pride in his work.

"Do you have a preference?" The gold smith asked. "I might be better able to direct you."

"Um…gold, I suppose, I prefer gold." She blushed, thinking of Zuko's eyes.

"With diamonds?" The goldsmith asked.

She bit her lip. In truth, she didn't really know nor have a preference. She wasn't accustomed to having such finery. Her life growing up had been very basic. Their jewelry was whatever they made. With Aang her life had been very simple. These were unnecessary materialistic things.

"Not diamonds then?" The goldsmith asked, noticing the slight frown on her face.

"I'm not sure." She said before turning to Zuko. "What is your favorite stone?"

"Sapphires." He said without hesitation. "They remind me of the ocean."

'_They remind me of you.'_ He thought, looking into her blue eyes. She felt another blush heat up her cheeks as she stared into his eyes. Katara almost forgot the goldsmith was still in the room until the sound of his shuffling feet caught her attention.

Her gaze snapped to the floor and she felt herself blushing all the way to her ears. _'I have to learn to control myself.'_ She thought. Subtly shaking her head to clear it, Katara's eyes went back to the table.

"This one." She announced, picking out a ruby bracelet held together by tiny gold links. "This stone is like fire and blood, warmth and life. Don't you think, Zuko?"

"It is also the color of love." Zuko murmured, taking one of Katara's slim wrists into his hands and fastening the bracelet around it. The red and gold contrasted beautifully against her skin tone. "Beautiful."

"There are matching pieces to go with that bracelet." The goldsmith cut in hopefully.

"She'll have to whole set." Zuko said.

"What? Zuko-" Katara started.

"Have the remaining pieces sent to her room." Zuko ordered, turning to the goldsmith.

"Yes, my lord. Thank you for your business, sire." The man said bowing gratefully.

"Thank you for sharing these treasures." Zuko grinned. With a snap of his fingers, servants came in to help the goldsmith pack up his things and an accountant came to settle the purchase.

Zuko extended a hand to Katara and swept her from the room as she called out her thanks.

- -

Mai's entire body shook as she attempted to raise herself up from the floor. A hand flew to her mouth as the movement sent a swirl of nausea twisting through her system. She cringed at the discomfort of dry heaving but there was nothing left in her stomach to come up.

Despite the illness, Mai found herself thanking the gods for it. She was pregnant. She would give her husband a child and she would see to it that her competition was chased away.

"My lady, are you alright? Lady Mai?" Worried voices called through the bathroom door.

"Fine girls, I'm fine." Mai called weakly. _'In fact, I'm doing great.'_

- -

Katara's face was flushed with joy as she danced happily with her young friends. She knew at court, you couldn't really trust anyone but there was no harm in enjoying the excess company. In recent days, she found herself constantly surrounded by pleasant faces. Shying away from them all was a hassle. Instead, she allowed herself to join her peers in the fun and games of court life as long as she remembered that life here was merely a fantasy.

-

Zuko smiled, watching Katara dance. She sparkled like a rare jewel as the fire light glinted off of the rubies he had bought for her. The red silk of her dress swirled around her form as she twisted and swayed to the music. Her laughter rang out like a clear bell as she danced from one partner to the next.

'_Beautiful.'_ He thought, watching her glow. A part of him wanted to go to her. There was really no reason that he couldn't. He didn't even have to worry about feeling Mai's eyes on him the entire time because she had decided to take dinner alone. He could only assume she was still mad at him for last night. He would have to apologize eventually but it was probably best to give her space now so that she didn't ask him something that would require him to lie.

-

Katara beamed feeling the heat of Zuko's eyes following her every movement as she danced. For once she didn't feel her insides twisting up at the notion. She somehow felt freer tonight. The sparkle of her bracelet caught her eyes and she smiled thinking of its meaning. She glanced up at him and blushed as he smiled down at her. She secretive curve of his lips told her some of what he was thinking.

She ought to feel wrong about the looks but she didn't. Mai wasn't there to have to sit through the exchange of loaded gazes and it seemed to make all the difference.

Zuko was the hunter and she the prey. It should frighten her that she was growing used to it. It should repulse her but it didn't. She tipped her head back and slowed her movements, knowing he was watching the sensual curve of her spine as she swung her hips from side to side. Having an affair was wrong but as her eyes stole a glance at him now the heat she saw in his filled her with anticipation. She held his gaze for a moment longer as she danced for him.

Not wanting to cause too much scandal, she eventually snapped her eyes away from him and tried to cool her heated cheeks. Fanning herself she made a quick excuse and slipped out of the ballroom. She made her way to the garden and sighed as the cool night air enveloped her.

'_Where has all my good sense gone?'_ She wondered replaying the day's events over again. Just because she hadn't seen Mai today didn't mean the other woman no longer existed. _'What am I becoming?'_

Before she could dwell on that thought any longer, a hand clapped over her mouth effectively stopping the automatic shriek that came as a response. She was pulled backwards into the shadows of the garden walls and she knew at once from the strength of his arms, the heat of his breath, and the scent of his skin that it was him. She knew she shouldn't be here, she shouldn't let him be doing this but she melted against him. She remembered at one time she had told herself that she would never again be his, and never had become just once, and just once had finally become yes when she should always say no.

One of his hands tangled into her hair, while the other stroked her stomach. He buried his nose into the side of her neck, loving the scent of her. His blood pumped faster and his heart beat a wild rhythm in his chest.

A tremor traveled up her spine at the press of his aching groin against her backside. She wished she wasn't so weak to him but Kami she wanted this, him. He brought his mouth to her neck, parting his lips to allow his tongue to run a sensual pattern over her flesh. Her skin burned everywhere that his tongue touched.

'_Kami, help us to figure this out. I do not want to let him go. Let me love him forever and do not tear us apart. Find a way to make this okay so that we may grow old together. I am a young woman in love, forgive me.'_

It didn't take Zuko long to find his favorite spot, where her vein beat a pulse against her skin. It was habit by now for her to turn her head to the side and arch her neck readily to give him better access to her heated flesh. They had not made love all day and now she ached for him.

His hands on her hips were guiding her movements against him and he was burying each groan into her neck. She had to fight to silence her own sounds for fear of being discovered by a wandering courtier. She clapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself from whimpering as his mouth found her earlobe and began to suck. She wanted to beg him to end this sweet torture when his teeth began to tease the tender lobe.

"Zuko, please." She whispered desperately.

"Come with me." He said, grasping her hand and pulling her into inside, easily finding one of the many hidden servant doors.

"Dinner?"

"They won't miss me for a bit everyone has eaten, it's just dancing now."

Any other questions were silenced by his lips crashing down on hers. She wrapped her arms around him and allowed herself to be pulled through the winding halls until they fell onto his bed and he made quick work of undressing her.


	22. Chapter 21

A/N: Alas, I am back. I'm sure many of you had given up on me which is understandable but I am committed to finishing this story. I've been busy with school which is not a great excuse but it's the truth. Updates will be slow because I had only written this and two other partial chapters prior to my disappearance. It will take me some time to get back into the swing of things. Here's something new, I've given up on my battle with to use less dramatic section breaks. The site always deletes the breaks that I put in when I actually write the chapter in Word and in the past I refused to go back through and put breaks in because I'm rather stubborn like that and I think the bar across is really dramatic for a simple scene change but I've got some time on my hands (ha, obviously, I'm writing again) so I will now be going through and trying to put breaks in after they chapters are uploaded. (Sorry if I miss some.) Also, sorry if my grammar still sucks or if there are errors from my typing too fast. I'm probably not going to search for a beta reader because of how inconsistently I will be writing. If you made it to chapter 21 I'm guess you can get over this particular issue.

Also, I'd like to say I really am sorry to those of you who have been patiently waiting for me to start writing again. It was rude of me to not at least write an author's note to let you know I was going on hiatus. I didn't because most weeks I said I would pick this story back up on the weekend and then I'd be really, really busy and not get to it. Regardless, I do know what it's like to be the one waiting. I'm actually waiting on some stories that haven't been updated since 2005 so trust me, I feel ya!

* * *

**Chapter 21**

"Won't you be too warm with this many layer, m' lady?" Emi asked as she thickened the silk obi, to be tied around Mai's waist, with extra cloth.

"No, everything will be fine. Everything will be perfect." Mai said softly as she smooth her hands over her flat stomach.

Yesterday's test proved she was pregnant but it gave her no indication as to how far along she was. Doing the math and judging by the flatness of her stomach she guessed she was in her second month.

'_It may be a while yet before I start showing.'_ She thought as she raised her arms to allow the padded obi to be secured around her waist. She gave clear instructions on how the thickened sash ought to be arranged and was pleased by the results. The padding was just enough to be misleading to anyone who might be looking for signs of pregnancy. She hoped Zuko would be one of those persons. If not, she had already made a couple of offhand comments around her less trusted ladies who would surely rush to their fathers with the gathered intelligence.

With the rumor mill on her side, the speculations would surely reach Zuko and then he would note her thickened girth. _'And he will be devoted to me once more. He wouldn't dare be unfaithful to me while I am carrying his child.'_

* * *

Katara was dreading breakfast. She had been utterly shameless last night and to make matters worse she was beginning to take on slightly noticeable weight. Her royal dresser made a comment about her dresses becoming too tight, just this morning. Katara had laughed it off and complimented the food of the fire nation. When the young woman had left, Katara had placed a hand against her belly and traced the barely noticeable curve.

'_I will need to leave soon.'_ She thought. _'The weight will start piling on faster and there is only so much an obi can hide.'_

She was more than halfway through her third month now. She pressed a hand to her forehead. It was crazy to think about. Her life was so very different from the way she had been expecting it to go. She was nothing like the woman she imagined she would be when she was a young girl in the midst of war.

'_Younger me would be so disappoint.'_ She thought to herself. Her eyes drifted down to her bracelet. _'Younger me wouldn't understand the situation though. We're in love. It's just bad timing, a lot of bad timing.'_

* * *

Mai watched Zuko carefully as they had breakfast the next morning. There was something different about him this morning. Despite their fight, he didn't seem agitated at all. In fact, as he spoke with those around him, he didn't seem at all irritated. She breathed a soft sigh of relief at this sudden return of his good humor.

She cocked her head to the side and stole a glance at Katara. The girl seemed to be quite agitated but was trying to hide it. She was determinedly not looking up at the head table; instead, she was pushing her food around on her plate and seemed reluctant to truly enter any conversation with her peers.

Mai's eyes returned to Zuko as she began to watch him again. A small smile began to curve her lips as she looked between the two again. There was no tension. Zuko wasn't making eyes at Katara anymore. Mai couldn't help a small smirk as she realized Katara's agitation was probably from losing Zuko's constant attention. _'Has someone told him the news already?' _Mai slipped her hand into his and smiled at him when he turned a confused face towards her.

* * *

Katara was trying to hold herself together. She didn't know how to act now. Everything seemed so different but was very much the same. No one treated her any differently as she had expected. Mai hadn't had her thrown out. Nothing horrendous had occurred at all. Life was continuing on as if she hadn't thrown caution to the wind and seduced a married man last night. No one at all seemed to notice that she had gained a little weight either.

'_It's really not that noticeable but I can't help but fear someone will know.'_ Katara thought.

Reflecting on last night, Katara noted there was certainly something different about being the one to initiate the seduction. She had let Mai's absence at dinner be an excuse to not care that she was committing adultery. She had let a shiny bracelet sway her judgment. Until this point it had been Zuko pursuing her, now she had truly become one of those girls. But not just a mistress, she was a pregnant mistress. She wanted to bury her head in her hands but she had to hold herself together in the presence of the court. It had been her choice to get involved in this mess. Just because she had become too involved and regretted it now didn't mean she could break down.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Katara finally willed herself to raise her eyes to the head table. Surprisingly, Mai wasn't glaring daggers at her. Had no one at all told her about last night? Katara hadn't been very sneaky about dancing for Zuko's favor.

Her eyes shifted to Zuko. He was talking to Mai. Mai's painted red lips were upturned in a coy smile as she leaned towards him. Her eyes were down but then with a flutter of her long lashes she brought her eyes slowly up to meet his. His brow was creased with confusion as he said something to Mai. Her laughter brought several eyes to the royal table as she shook her head and then pat his hand affectionately.

"What do you suppose she's so happy about?" Reyson asked.

"Perhaps she's just crazy. She's always been a bit different." A gentleman commented.

Katara frowned biting her lip. She doubted that. _'It seems so odd that Mai should be so happy today when last night her husband...'_ Katara winced and shook her head. This was going to be a tragedy. Mai had finally gotten better just to be crushed again. Worst of all, Katara knew it was her fault; she would be the cause of Mai's demise.

'_Can you live with that?'_ Katara's conscience asked her. She felt the urge to drop her head into her hands and cry at the shame she felt but that would only spur her many suitors into action.

Katara eyed Zuko again. He was certainly doing a better job of acting natural. On occasion, his eyes met her as he did a casual scan of the room. The look would linger for perhaps a second longer than necessary and then he would look away. _'How can he act so natural?'_ Katara thought, feeling frustrated with her inability to turn off her guilty conscience.

She sighed. He was royalty. He probably had years of experience pretending to feel one way when he truly felt another. _'His conscience is just as guilty because he's a good person. He just knows not to show it. He doesn't want to hurt her more than he has to.'_

"She's not crazy." A young woman giggled.

"Well if she's not crazy what do you propose had changed her mood so suddenly?" The gentleman asked.

"Well it's perfectly obvious. Even a blind fool would have noticed how lusty our Fire Lord has been of late," The girl said, pausing to give Katara a mischievous look. "And though it may not be because of our Fire Lady, she is sure to be receiving some of the benefits. After all, you've only been toying with him, haven't you?"

Katara blanched at the thought but did her best to conceal any other reaction.

"That…that is an excellent theory because toying is all that's happening, I don't even mean to toy. If I could, I would stop the toying." Katara said weakly.

"And why would you do that? It's never a bad thing to be the favorite of a Fire Lord." The young woman giggled. "I certainly wouldn't mind the attention."

"But how will she make a good marriage if everyone thinks the Fire Lord will smite them for pursuing her?" Reyson asked gloomily.

"I'm not looking to be married for a long time yet." Katara said holding up her hands.

"But why not? Has no one truly caught your eye?" Reyson's eyes were narrowed with sly curiosity.

"Er, I just have some things to sort out first…" Katara mumbled, stopping her hands from going to her belly.

"You mean the avatar?" The young woman asked.

"You sure do have a thing for men with power." Another girl cut in.

"There's nothing wrong with that. A woman who is taken care of can live on her own for years protected by powerful men. Good for you." An older woman added. "I've spent my life marrying powerful men who are older than me, each having left me a small fortune. Now I am my own woman. No man owns me."

"That's not really my intent." Katara said shaking her head.

"Of course it's not." The older woman grinned, winking at her.

Katara opened her mouth to respond but the woman was already gathering herself up and saying good bye.

"Take care dear." She said to Katara, before sweeping herself out of the dining hall.

* * *

Zuko sat at breakfast in relative relaxation. The tension he'd been feeling for weeks seemed to be slowly evaporating. Every time he looked at Katara he felt his heart swell with joy. Katara loved him (even if she wouldn't say it), they were having a baby, and when this was all figured out they would be together. He didn't know how things were going to be figure out. He knew that it was going to be hard but she was worth it. He would go through anything for her, do whatever it took to be with her and to raise their child.

His eyes moved to Mai who seemed to be in an oddly good mood this morning. A half smile pulled at his lips seeing her smile again but immense guilt also tore at him. He squeezed her hand gently, a small comforting gesture. He didn't know what possessed him to do it and he felt his guilt double it seeing the way she smiled up at him in response.

"Everything alright, Mai?" Zuko murmured.

"Wonderful." She smiled, sitting up a little straighter and looking proud as a peacock. "I've had some good news."

"And what news is that?" Zuko asked.

She gave him a coy smile and lowered her eyes to their joined hands for a moment.

"I promise I'll tell you later. I think its news for just the two of us right now, too many ears here." Mai replied softly looking up into his eyes.

Zuko gave her a nod and then turned his attention back to scanning the room. He frowned to see Katara standing as if to leave. He didn't want her to go but there was nothing he could do about it. He frown deepened seeing Reyson rising and offering a hand as if to escort her. She shook her head and laughed but Zuko knew Reyson would insist and Katara was far too polite to embarrass him but rejecting him in front of everyone twice. He gave a frustrated sigh watching it play out.

"Are you alright my love?" Mai asked, pretending she hadn't already followed his gaze to the pair.

"Fine." Zuko said stiffly. "I have a meeting to get to."

Mai tried not to look too disappointed as he stood abruptly. "You'll come to me later won't you? I still have some news."

"Yeah, I'll be there but later Mai. I have some business to take care of now." Zuko answered distractedly. "I'll see you later."

Mai watched him go. Once upon a time he wouldn't have left the table without kissing her good bye. She took a deep breath and forced another smile to her face. She would win him back. He'd be over the moon when he found out about the baby. He would be less distracted. He was the most loving and attentive husband a woman could ask for throughout each of her past pregnancies. _'Everything will be alright. We'll be happy now.'_

* * *

Toph sat quietly as she listened to the furious scribbling coming from the writing desk where Aang sat. The words had finally come to him for Katara. Toph rolled her eyes; it sounded as if he were writing a book. She liked Katara but she was angry at her. She pitied Aang for being so in love with her when his feelings so clearly weren't returned. If Katara truly loved him, she would be back already or she would have written. The older girl hadn't made any attempts to contact Aang at all and yet here he was pining for her. Toph gave an irritated sigh and turned her face towards the window where the sun's rays warmed her face. There were so many other things they could be doing to enjoy this day.

"Toph, I know you don't approve. I can hear you sighing over there but I have to try. I can't just give up on her. Katara is going through a tough time right now. She's having trouble adjusting to normal life." Aang said suddenly.

"I really don't think this is just some little phase…" Toph began.

"Toph, I love her!" Aang snapped.

"Well, fine! Do what you want then. Good luck with that broken heart!" Toph shouted before storming out.

She ran into the garden so filled with rage. It angered her even further that she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

"He's so…just…STUPID!" She screamed, punching a boulder to alleviate some of her pain. It split in half but she wasn't satisfied. She punched the hard surface again and again even as tears began to fall and her body tired. She kept punching until there was nothing but pebbles. Then she sank to the ground and sat miserably in her mess.

"I don't even really care." She muttered to the pebbles around her. "He can do what he wants. I'm just sick of the moping."

She folded her arms resolutely. "And what's so special about Sugar Queen anyway. What makes her so much better than everyone else?"

Toph sat silently. Time meant nothing to her as she took in the sweet scent of the fresh air, felt the coolness of the wind, and listened to the birds sing. None of it brought her joy. None of it made her feel anything. She just felt so angry and empty. She blamed Aang for spreading his sour mood.

She could hear his footsteps approaching but she didn't move. She was contemplating what to say to him. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to hit him. But that was as pointless as him sitting around moping about Katara. It wouldn't change anything. He'd still be sad. He'd keep on moping. He would probably leave. She felt her stomach churn at the thought. She didn't want him to leave but she also didn't want him to stay if he was going to be like this. Nothing seemed to pull him out of his funk though.

Aang paused when he made it over to her. He looked at the pile of smashed up rocks and then at the girl sulking in the middle. He chewed the inside of his cheek looking for something to say.

"Your hands are bleeding." Aang finally said, pointing at her bloodied knuckles. Toph almost laughed at the useless gesture. She knew she'd broken the skin of her knuckles; she could feel them stinging.

Aang stood there silently, feeling slightly foolish as he lowered his hand. It wasn't often that he found Toph looking so sad. He picked his brain for something to say that would smooth over their fight. He couldn't think of anything. He felt guilty for bringing his awful mood here and putting her into an equally bad mood.

"I'm sorry." Aang tried again. "I'm sorry about everything. I know I've been a miserable guest. I just don't know what else to do."

"Move on." Toph snorted.

"How, Toph? How am I supposed to just move on? I've loved her since the moment I saw her and I know she loved me too. I know she did." Aang cried.

Toph gave a frustrated sigh but didn't reply. She wasn't going to keep repeating this argument every day. She was quiet while Aang moved to sit next to. She kept her face forward as if he weren't there.

"I finally thought of the words to say but I'm afraid that it is too late." Aang whispered.

"And if it is too late?" Toph asked after a while.

"I don't know." Aang said. "I really don't know."

* * *

Mai paced her room irritably. It was midday and she still hadn't had a chance to tell Zuko her news. There was a council meeting after breakfast and he agreed to meet with her when it ended. _'And surely it has ended by now.'_ She thought sourly. She threw a furious glance at her closed doors again. It drove her insane to think of that fact that he was with Katara right now. Of course they were in a meeting so there was honestly nothing to worry about, especially considering Zuko's weakened interest in her this morning but she would still rather that he were here and not there…with her.

Mai paused and took a deep breath. _'It doesn't matter now.'_ She thought placing a hand on her belly. _'My place is secure again. She means nothing to him. Zuko loves me, just me.'_

* * *

Zuko pressed a light kiss to Katara's warm shoulder. She shivered slightly as his fingers feathered a light path between the warm flesh of her breasts down to the soft curve of her stomach. He spread his fingers and watched his pale hand rise and fall with each intake of her steady breathing. He loved the contrast of her almond colored skin against his red sheets. She shifted slightly in her sleep and he smiled loving the way her body moved.

"You're perfect." He murmured, raising a hand to stroke a strand of hair out of her face. He couldn't resist leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her lips after that. He felt a bit guilty as her eyes began to flutter and he heard her hum of contentment that usually signaled her waking. She turned over completely to be lying on her stomach as her eyes opened fully.

"I love you so much." The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could even think about them. He wished she would say it back but he knew she wouldn't. She couldn't say the words until he was free to hear them. He'd had a hard enough time stealing her away after the meeting today.

"You shouldn't say that yet." Katara murmured.

"Why? It's true. Whether I say it now or later it is still true." Zuko shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess you're right." Katara said softly, folding her arms on her pillow and resting her head on them.

Zuko felt a sudden hopefulness that she would say it back now but she was silent. She was staring into the distance thoughtfully.

"What are you thinking about?" Zuko asked.

"I should go…"

"Oh, not this again Katara, I-" Zuko was cut off as she sat up and pressed a finger to his lips.

"Zuko, I'm gaining weight. Mai has been pregnant enough times to know the signs and I'm sure your courtiers have watched for such signs long enough to know them too. I can't be here. The affair is bad enough. If she even begins to suspect about the baby…" Katara trailed off. She had pulled her knees up to her chest and hand wrapped her arms around her legs.

Zuko felt wretched seeing the deep worry lines creasing her forehead. He hated to see her so distressed. He reached for her hand.

"I'll start making arrangements." He said sadly. "We'll start telling people that you're feeling homesick, that you miss the Avatar."

Katara felt a sudden pang at the mention of Aang. She hadn't really thought about him in what felt like weeks. He'd been mentioned this morning but she was so distracted with worry about last night that she hadn't really registered it. _'He must hate me. I haven't even written to him.'_ Katara felt a swarm of guilt as she looked over at Zuko. _'Aang has always been my friend buy he would hate the person I'm becoming.'_

Zuko watched Katara worriedly. He saw her flinch when he mentioned Aang. He hadn't really meant to bring the young man into the conversation. He was just recounting the original plan for leaving court. He hadn't heard much from Aang but he'd received word from the Earth Kingdom that the Avatar had shut himself up in the Bei Fong manor. Zuko was mildly concerned for the boy but he was young and would recover from his break up with time. Zuko was about to say something to comfort Katara when there was a knock on his door.

"Er, wait here. I'll be back." He said sliding out of bed and covering himself with a robe. Katara watched him stride towards the door and slip out into his antechamber.

"I really have to go." She murmured to herself as she slid out of bed and began gathering her clothes.

"What is it? I asked not to be disturbed." Zuko growled at the serving boy before him.

"I have a message from the Fire Lady, sir." The bow said with a bow.

'_Damn.'_ Zuko thought closing his eyes and rubbing a hand across his forehead. He had forgotten that she wanted to speak with him.

"Yeah, what is it?" Zuko sighed.

"She wants to know if you will dine with her tonight. She said she had not anticipated your meeting running so late but tonight would be better for your discussion anyway." The boy said.

Zuko would really rather not but he had promised to speak with her and then completely forgotten. To make matters worse he'd forgotten because he was seducing Katara.

"Yes, yes I'll be there. Tell her I'll be there." He said waving the boy away. He reentered his room dreading this evening. Katara was standing by his bed with her clothes mostly back on. The back of her dress was still unlaced and he felt his mouth go dry seeing the smoothness of her naked back.

She turned, holding her dress up by the shoulders, to face him.

"Will you lace me up?" She asked.

He walked to her like a man in a trance. Her eyes stayed on him as he came closer which made him feel even more drawn to her. He took a deep breath to steady his hands as he reached for the laces.

"You are so beautiful." He murmured. His eyes were drawn to the delicate column of her neck where he was compelled to leave a soft kiss. He pressed a second kiss just below her ear. She shivered feeling the warmth of his breath. A part of her wanted to turn and kiss him but she commanded herself not to move. She fought to keep her hands from pushing his away as he began to lace up her gown. It would be so easy to let him have her again. If she gave any implication of wanting him to take her again she knew he would but she had to regain her self control.

Zuko had a wife, a wife who wanted to be with him, and a wife that he still needed to be with. She needed to stay away from him until he had settled things with Mai. Her leaving for Ember Island now would be the best thing for both of them. She kissed his cheek after he finished the laces of her dress. He cupped her face and kissed her gently.

"Don't be sad Katara. I know it is a terrible situation now but it won't be forever." He said.

She nodded and kissed him again. "I know. I just need to go now. I need to find a way to forgive myself."

"I understand." He said, stroking her cheek. "I promise I'll make arrangements."


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Zuko tapped his fingers against his thigh impatiently. He'd taken a moment to speak privately with those who know about Katara before he arrived at Mai's chambers. He had issued orders for the palace at Ember Island to have a full time staff, be cleaned and made ready for a royal visit. For it all to be done secretly, it would take at least a week. In his opinion that was not nearly enough time for him to put Katara's mind at ease about their relationship but if it would make her feel better to go then it had to be done and he had to be honest with her about the time frame.

He'd also asked his councilors to begin making quiet inquiries into how he might obtain a divorce. He planned to give Mai her own palace and employ a full time staff for her so that she might still live in comfort. It was harder than ever to fake a smile at his wife who sat across from him beaming. He felt terrible seeing her smile while he was planning the end of their marriage. She was so oblivious that he felt the need to warn her. He'd hear whispers all day of her pregnancy but seen no sign of it. Perhaps he would not need to wait so long for their marriage to come to an end. Maybe he could marry Katara before their baby was born so that the child would be legitimate. A wistful smile came to his face as he thought of his future with Katara. He imagined their child and he felt his heart soar. They would be so happy.

"Oh Zuko, look how happy you are. Perhaps you have guessed my news." Mai laughed. "My love, you are going to be so proud of me."

* * *

Katara's hands shook slightly as she reread Aang's letter. It had apparently arrived this morning but she hadn't been in her room all day. She closed her eyes feeling so ashamed of what she had actually been doing now that she had this letter in her hands.

_Dear Katara,_

_I've wanted to write to you for a while but I didn't want to bother you and I didn't know what to say but I miss you and need to talk to you. It seems odd not to have you around every day when you were once such a big part of my life. I think of you constantly; I miss you constantly. I'm in the Earth Kingdom with Toph and it's been well but I have to confess I have never felt so cold or alone in all of my life. I miss you every day. I feel like I can't laugh without you. I am sorry if telling you that burdens you but you have to know that I still care for you._

_I am sorry that you did not come with me. I should have never left without you. I am sorry that things ended. I really wish they hadn't. I wish we had both been happy together. If you could tell me what to do differently…how to be different, I would fix things. We went through a lot together and I know that life after the war was perhaps boring for you after everything. But perhaps you are happy now, with your job at Zuko's court. Is that enough? I believe we could make it work if you would allow me to visit you there. I will be good to you as I have always tried to do if you will accept my visit. I would do anything to make you happy._

_I truly regret our end, Katara. I wish you would give me another chance. I think about you all of the time, I want to see you. I want to hear your laugh, to hold your hand, to see you smile. I cannot sleep and I cannot eat. I am still carrying out my duties as the Avatar but I cannot settle to anything. I conduct most of my business by letters because I can't bear to have people asking me what's wrong every day. I really am sorry if this is a burden to you but what else can I do but tell you the truth? I love you._

_Please write back to me when you read this. Please tell me what you want. A part of me wants to tear this up because I do not want to upset you. It might be better if I don't send this. It can join all the other letters that I have started but never finished. I think anyone but Toph would be tired of the mess because there are dozens of half written letters lying around here._

_I cannot truly express how much I miss you and love you in this letter but if you write to me, if you call me to you, I can show you._

_I pray that you will write to me._

_Aang_

Katara sat heavily on the bed feeling a swirl of mixed emotions. Aang's letter brought up a ton of mixed feelings. It was not because she loved him but because it reminded her that what she was doing was wrong. She had left a good man, who would have loved and taken care of her, for a royal affair. She loved Zuko but she was committing a crime against Mai to be with him when there was a man who loved her in a pure and untainted way.

Katara refolded the letter slowly and placed it on the bedside table. _'Aang.'_ She thought sadly. _'I am so sorry.'_

* * *

"Pregnant?" Zuko whispered.

"I'm sure of it!" Mai exclaimed, clutching his hand. "I really think everything will be okay this time. This will work out. I will be so careful, Zuko."

Zuko nodded, feeling breathless. _'Pregnant?'_ He thought staring at her belly. _'But it was just a rumor.'_

"Aren't you happy Zuko? We can announce it, tomorrow. I know it's still early but I'm really confident about this one." Mai continued.

"Happy." Zuko echoed, trying to make his mind begin to function again. "Yes, I…I'm happy."

"Everything will be alright now. They can go back to the way things used to be." Mai smiled.

"Yes." Zuko said softly. He was having difficulty keeping his internal struggle a secret. He felt like he couldn't breathe. His head hurt from so many thoughts battling to be at the forefront of his mind. He felt ill from the sudden rush of emotions.

"Are you alright, my love? I did not think the news would give you such a shock." Mai asked.

"I… it's…" Zuko paused to clear his throat and gather his thoughts. "I'm fine Mai. I, uh, I have to go though…"

"Go?" Mai gasped standing as Zuko did. "Go where? Where else do you need to be right now?"

'_How can he be thinking of her now? This was supposed to fix things. He cannot go to her.'_ Mai began to fret. She reached for his arm, clinging to him with a look of desperation in her eye. She couldn't be bothered to care about how foolish she must seem. What mattered now was the terror she felt. They were having a baby. He was meant to be with her. He loved her. He was supposed to remember that now. He couldn't leave her, especially not to go to another woman.

"Mai, calm down!" Zuko ordered, ushering her back into her chair. "What's gotten into you? You need to think of the baby."

"Where are you going?" Mai pleaded for an answer.

Zuko froze entirely looking at the pale face of his wife. Her hands were shaking a bit as they gripped his arm and there were tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes. _'Oh Mai.'_ He thought dropping down to one knee before her. He had been so anxious he hadn't even thought of how she was expecting him to feel. This obviously wasn't the reaction she was accustomed to. He allowed himself a moment of reflection on their past. When she'd told him about a baby before it had been similar to the way he reacted with Katara. He used to sweep Mai up into his arms and cover her with kisses. He would shout for servants to come make her as comfortable as possible. He would do anything but run away from her.

"I'm just going to go start making arrangements, sweetheart." He said, taking her hands into his. "I want you to rest, okay? Take care of yourself and the baby. I'll just be in my study, alright?"

Mai nodded. "Will you come back to me? Will you stay here tonight?"

Zuko hesistated. He wasn't a fool. He knew he should return to put her mind at ease. She hadn't asked him why he was going, she wanted to know where. She wanted to be sure he wasn't with Katara. He held back a laugh. He'd thought she was oblivious earlier. She wasn't oblivious she was just ignoring his fixation with Katara because she was confident about their child. He knew she wasn't ignorant, it would only be a matter of time before she discovered the depth of his betrayal. He knew should really confess his crimes but things had changed now. She was in far too delicate a position to hear such things. He had to keep her in the dark about how far things had really gone for the sake of their child, at least for now.

"I will come sit with you until you are asleep. I don't know that it would be wise to do more. We must think of the child first." Zuko said, looking into her eyes to convey how seriously he took this matter.

"Yes, you are right." Mai murmured. She felt her body relax a bit. She also felt a little embarrassed. Her place was secure. Her husband loved her and whatever infatuation he had with Katara would end now. _'I have been a fool. If he goes to see her it will be to end this nonsense. That had better be at the top of his list of arrangements.'_ She thought.

Zuko kissed her cheek lightly, stood and bowed, then left her room. Mai watched him go silently. When he was gone she brought a hand up to her cheek where he'd kissed her. He'd reassured her but she still felt empty. She'd watched him go and it felt like she was losing him not winning him back. She stared at her fingers as she brought them before her face. _'He hasn't kissed me in weeks.'_

* * *

Katara sat at her writing desk. A blank sheet of parchment lay in front of her. It challenged her to write but what could she say? What should she say? Aang had confessed his love for her. Aang still wanted to be with her though she was hardly worthy of him anymore._ 'Oh gods, what have I done? Who have I become? I can't live like this. It isn't me. I have to…I have to end this'_ Katara sobbed at the thought. _'But how can I leave him when I love him so much?'_

She covered her face as the tears poured forth. Her shoulders shook. The parchment became soggy and useless as the thought settled in. She had to end this. She would go to Ember Island, deliver her child, and then never see Zuko again. She had to do this for Mai, she needed to do it for Aang, and she needed to do it for herself. She would tell Aang everything. He needed the truth. He couldn't go on loving her blindly without knowing what she had done, what she had become.

* * *

Zuko sat at his desk with his head in his hands. _'What am I supposed to do? How do I fix this?'_

Mai was pregnant but he'd focused his mind solely on Katara and her pregnancies that he'd almost stopped thinking about Mai's potential for pregnancy entirely. He'd still mentioned it but he hadn't believed it would happen. He hadn't mentally prepared himself for this situation. This had been the plan but he'd stopped thinking about the plan. He'd stopped thinking about anything except for his future with the woman he loved. He didn't know how to support Mai and yet distance himself enough that she wouldn't completely fall apart when he left her. He wanted to be kind to her but realistically how could she see anything he did as kind while he was leaving her.

He also needed to find a way to support Katara. She was having a hard time with their love affair. Her pregnancy was making her far more emotional. Her life was nothing like what she imagined it would be and it was weighing on her immensely. He needed her to know that he loved her and would take care of her. He also needed her to understand that he needed to time to finish things with Mai.

'_This is a mess, a mess that I made because of lust.'_ He thought. It had grown into more. He truly loved Katara but none of it would have ever happened if he had just found a way to ignore her when she first arrived with the avatar.

* * *

Mai stood in her room frozen. Her arms hung at her sides as she stared out her window at nothing in particular. On the floor beside her was a letter from Ty Lee. It lay face down as she had dropped it after reading its contents.

She could vaguely hear Suzuki calling her name but it muffled by the pounding of her broken heart. She felt cold and clammy. On some level she was aware that she was being shaken. Emi had grasped her shoulder and was speaking but Mai couldn't hear her words. She felt like crying. She felt like throwing things. She felt so hollow.

"Go away." She whispered, her lips hardly moving. "Please just go away."

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews and thank you for sticking with me through the hiatus to those of you who returned. You have all given me a lot to think about since I did not leave myself any notes from a year ago on how I wanted to end this story. XD  
It looks like we'll be making up the ending together so please continue to review.


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

_Mai's eyes snapped open as a searing pain tore through her. A sense of dread engulfed her seeing the blood stained sheets surrounding her but she could hardly dwell on it with the intense pain in her belly. Mai's shriek was half terror, half pain. Hot tears were spilling down her face as Emi and Suzuki awoke from their places by her bed. She clutched her belly and screamed again._

"_What's wrong?" Suzuki asked at once, though one glance at the bloodied sheets had her calling for the maid to fetch the healers and the midwife._

_Mai wept bitterly already knowing it was too late. There was nothing they could do to save her child. She doubled over as pain and grief wracked her body._

"_Help! Somebody help us!" Suzuki shouted. She had turned pale seeing all the blood. Mai's hands and thighs were covered in it. The white night dress she wore was ruined and the red silk sheets were streaked from Mai writhing in pain._

"_Don't try to move." Emi's hand grasped Mai's seeing the pain in the young Fire Lady's eyes._

_Mai pushed her away blindly as she tried to leave her bed but only managed to fall to the floor as the pain twisted her insides._

"_My lady." Emi gasped, reaching to help her._

"_He's gone." Mai cried. "He's gone…"_

Mai woke very suddenly. Emi and Suzuki were on either side of her wiping the tears from her cheeks and the sweat from her brow. Mai's lower lip trembled seeing them at her side again. Her whole body was shaking from the terrible memory of her first miscarriage.

"How can he leave me? After everything, how can he leave me?" She cried. She pressed a hand to her belly as if to hold her baby in. A sob escaped her as she felt the relative flatness of her belly. She was slowly gaining weight but not enough to produce a comforting baby bump. She wept harder because she was sure Zuko would have reacted more favorably if he could see the evidence of their child. She wept because if she had become pregnant sooner maybe Katara would have never been a problem. She blamed herself for her failures as a wife. She hated that horrifying dream, the most horrifying of memories. She hated that she had no one, no one who could truly understand all the things that she had been through and what she would be going through. _'If Zuko could understand he couldn't possibly leave me. He'd never be so cruel.'_

Emi and Suzuki exchanged worried glances. They knew what dream Mai had been having, she'd been sleeping fitfully the last few nights. They both also knew that the question wasn't about the baby she had lost. She'd been in her bed for three days now. She wouldn't see anyone. As she had requested, Zuko had come to her and sat with her on the night that she told him about the baby. She had sat in her bed staring at him with Ty Lee's letter crumpled in her hands while he stared at the floor lost in his own thoughts. Emi had felt dread the entire evening by the awkwardness of the royal couple. After Zuko left Mai refused to see anyone.

"My lady, you don't know that he's leav-" Emi started.

"She never left. They've been hiding it from me but she was here all along." Mai snapped, not wishing to be consoled.

The girls exchanged confused looks.

"I've had a letter from Ty Lee. I asked her about Katara's last visit with the avatar. I asked her if they were fighting and what about. I thought if I didn't find her a husband here maybe I could fix things between them and then she'd go away but she never left. She never went to the Earth Kingdom. She was here all along, here with him. He was hiding her, lying to me. He cannot have us both. He will leave me. He will leave me for her." Mai's voice broke. "We have no children. He has no obligation to me."

"Your grace…" Suzuki said taking her hands.

"It is no use, Su. He is leaving me." She said feeling defeated. Her eyes were filled with tears, as they stared at the elaborate bed cover. Her hands clenched the covers as she was suddenly angry. She wasn't sure who exactly she was angriest at but she knew she was full of a sudden hatred. "Just go away. Both of you go away. Leave me alone. You have no duty to me. Get out!"

"Lady Mai!" Suzuki gasped, trying to grasp the Fire Lady's hand.

"No leave me alone. I want to be alone." Mai shouted pushing Suzuki's hands away and scooting away stubbornly.

Sighing, Emi and Suzuki, both got up and bowed before exiting the room.

"What can be done?" Emi asked in a low voice.

"Go and fetch her mother. Be careful not to let her father see you." Suzuki ordered.

"She will be angry." Emi hesitated.

"She needs advice that we cannot give her. She needs someone that she will listen to. Go now and hurry."

* * *

Katara sat on her bed watching her things being packed up. She would be leaving for Ember Island in a few days. It had taken some time but she had finally written back to Aang. She asked him to meet her at Ember Island so that they could talk. She needed to explain herself in person. She feared what he would say to her. She was terrified of how he would look at her but it had to be done. She took a deep breath and released it in a long slow sigh. There was something else that needed to be done as well. She needed to talk to Zuko. She had to end their tryst. She had to remind him that this was a business arrangement and they needed to return to their original agreement.

It pained her but everything they had could just be a fluke. If that was the case everything was for nothing. They would have hurt so many people unnecessarily. Even if it wasn't their love would always be tainted by the way things began and she just didn't see how she could move on from it.

'_I'm so sorry.'_ She thought placing a hand on her belly. _'There is no happy ending for us. Zuko will take care of you. You will live a good life but I can't live like this. If I stay, I could lose you from the stress and then it will truly all be for nothing. We have to leave, especially now.'_

Katara sighed as she thought of Mai and her baby. She had heard the news through rumors and been shocked by how much it upset her to know that Mai had conceived another child. She hadn't been entirely sure she believed the rumors until Mai took to her rooms and refused to come out. She would see no one. Katara assumed she feared doing more than resting to protect the child in her womb.

'_So what becomes of you now?'_ Katara thought, rubbing her belly. Zuko would of course take care of them no matter the outcome but it made thing so much more complicated and truly reinforced her need to leave. She would cause Mai stress that might make her lose her baby and Katara definitely couldn't live with that on her conscious.

* * *

"How long has she been like this?" Lady Masora asked, her face and voice void of any emotion as she watched her daughter. Mai was sitting on the floor; her empty eyes were fixed on the fire dancing in the hearth.

"Since this morning." Emi murmured. "She was screaming in her sleep…a memory of the first baby. A message was sent to the Fire Lord but he has not yet come."

"It is still early." Suzuki murmured.

"Yes," Lady Masora agreed. "He will come. You need not worry about that. Has she eaten anything?"

"She will take nothing. She simply cries as if she will die of grief." Suzuki shrugged.

"Shouldn't we at least get her to bed?" Emi continued to fret.

"No, she must not be in bed when he comes. That will only make her appear weak and his desire to come to her will be even less." Lady Masora said stiffly.

"Well we can't just stand here and watch her cry." Emi snapped and then blushed. "My apologies."

"What would you have us do?" Suzuki asked.

"Get her a cup of warm wine and let me do the rest." Lady Masora ordered, removing her shawl and handing it to Emi. "I will make her presentable."

* * *

Zuko smiled seeing Katara standing before him. She had asked to see him and he felt his heart soar. He'd been feeling overwhelmed in the last couple of days due to the situation that he found himself in. There was so much going on and now Mai had mysteriously taken to her bed. He was worried he'd taken his request for her to rest a bit too seriously. He'd sent messages to her room but his pages had returned without a response since she would see no one. He'd finally received a request for his presence in her chambers this morning but Katara was on her way. He'd ordered the kitchen staff to prepare a brunch for him and Mai. The last time he visited her they hadn't spoken a word to each other. Hopefully food would make the visit less awkward if she was in yet another reserved mood. He shook his head; Mai was a matter for later.

"Katara, my love, I have missed you. I'm sorry I've been too busy to see you in the last couple of days. There are a lot of arrangements to be made recently." Zuko said wrapping his arms around her.

"Zuko." Katara's voice was a whisper as she brought her hands up to his chest and pushed lightly. "There are some things I need to say."

Zuko released her feeling slightly affronted but her rejecting the hug. _'She must be worrying about Mai again.'_

"Of course. Do you want to sit? Are you feeling alright today? I'm sending the very best of my healers with you to Ember Island. You'll have everything you need and just send me a messenger hawk if you find something lacking." Zuko instructed.

"It's not about the arrangements Zuko. I need to talk to you about us." Katara said softly.

"What about us?" Zuko asked slowly.

* * *

"Well?" Toph demanded. "What does it say?"

She could hear Aang's heart racing. She could feel each step that he took as he paced across the breakfast nook room reading Katara's letter. His breathing was quick and his nervousness was putting her on edge.

"She wants to see me. She wants to talk." Aang announced. "She asked me to come to Ember Island in a week."

"Why a week?" Toph asked.

Aang frowned. "I don't know. Maybe she won't be there for another week or she has some work that's keeping her busy. It doesn't really matter."

"It doesn't matter that she doesn't want to see you right away? It doesn't worry you that she feels the need to prepare…for a week?" Toph scoffed.

"She's busy!" Aang snapped.

"Doing what? Going to meetings and signing papers? Aang, I'm trying to help you. Just stop and think about it. If she needs time to prepare, I have to tell you not to get your hopes up. When has anyone ever said we need to talk and it ended well?"

"She didn't say we need to talk. She said I need to talk to you. It's different." Aang argued.

"No it's not twinkletoes."

"Why are you so desperate for this to be a bad thing? Why can't you just be happy for me? She wants to see me, Toph. This is the best thing that's happened to me in weeks." Aang cried.

"I can't be happy for you to go and get your heart broken again." Toph said before leaving him alone to celebrate his letter.

* * *

"_Zuko, I can't do this." Katara said suddenly. "I can't. I love you but I can't."_

"_You can't do what Katara. What are you talking about?" Zuko asked._

"_Us, Zuko, us. Mai loves you. She needs you. She's having your baby. And I…I'm a slut." Katara cried. Tears poured down her cheeks._

"_No, Katara. No, don't ever say that, never." Zuko said grabbing her arms. "How this relationship started might not be right but it is real. What I feel for you is real."_

"_It's a lie Zuko. Everything is so twisted. We were good people once. We loved good people and they loved us."_

"_You're still a good pers-"_

"_I'm a terrible person. I'm a home wrecker. I'm your mistress. How…how can you love me? I can't even love me."_

"_Katara, I know this whole situation is distressing you. I can see that but it won't last forever. I promise you. I want to be with you, only you. I would leave Mai today if that would fix things."_

"_No!" Katara snapped pulling away from him. "No, you have to let me go. You have to love Mai again."_

"_I can't. I don't love her like I used to. I don't love her like I love you. Now that I know what love truly is, how it really feels I couldn't possibly keep being with her. That, Katara, would be a lie. To pretend to love her when I don't; that __**is**__ a lie!"_

"_She's your wife…" Katara whispered._

"_I don't care! It doesn't make any difference." Zuko shouted._

"_It does, Zuko, because you made a vow to love her. You vowed to be with her until death parts you." Katara screamed back._

"_Katara, I was a child. My life has changed drastically since then. My feelings have too."_

"_Then who is to say they won't change again? For that matter, Aang was a child and his feelings haven't changed."_

"_Aang still is a child. Wasn't that your main complaint about him?" Zuko snapped back._

"_Well he is a child who loves me and if he can forgive me will be good to me till death do us part." Katara sniffled._

"_What?" Zuko breathed, feeling his throat constrict and his heart clutch._

"_I'm going to tell him everything. I'm going to beg him to forgive me. And if he can still love me I have to do the right thing."_

"_What is the right thing? How is going back to him the right thing? You don't even love him!"_

"_I could. I thought I did once and I can again. He'll save me from this person I've become, this person I can't stand to be."_

"_Why are you saying this? Why are you doing this?" Zuko begged, trying not to cry. "I know you're upset but this isn't going to make it better."_

"_It's certainly not going to make it worse."_

"_But it is. It's going to make it so much worse. That will just ensure that everyone's heart is broken. If we just make it through this we could be happy. We could all be happy. Aang could find someone who will be happy with him and Mai could too."_

_Katara was silent for a long time. Her face was turned away from him but he knew she was crying. He could hear the soft sniffles and when she finally did raise her face to look at him, he could see tear tracks on her cheeks._

"_Zuko, I don't think we deserve to be happy." She whispered. "All we can do now is try to fix the hearts we've broken."_

"_No!"_

Zuko still felt numb as the conversation played over again and again in his head. His hands shook as he brought a cup dragon whiskey to his lips. He set it back down. He couldn't swallow. He could barely breathe. His world was falling apart. She was leaving him. She was breaking his heart. He was trying to pull himself together but he couldn't. His world was spinning out of control. In a matter of days he felt like his life had been turned upside down and he just couldn't get a handle on any of the situations. Everything was a mess. He had so much to deal with but all he could think about was losing the woman he loved.

"My lord, are you ready for brunch with the Fire Lady Mai?" A servant called through the door.

'_Brunch, how am I supposed to think about brunch? How am I supposed to think about anything? Nothing matters now, nothing at all.'_ Zuko thought miserably.

* * *

**A/N:** Believe it or not this is going some where, haha. I need your patience my friends. Please review!


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Mai sat across from her husband, her face void of emotion. She watched her husband fidget, clearly feeling agitated but she did not feel inclined to care. Right now she wanted to feel nothing. Right now, she wanted to be in her room, in her bed, lying awake staring at nothing. She wanted to shut off her emotions and be free of this emotional rollercoaster but that simply wasn't an option. She was the Fire Lady. She had a role to play, she a position to uphold, and she had a marriage to save. Her mother had urged her to pull herself together and put on a good show for the court. She had been forced into her most regal robes and thrust from her rooms with little care for her earlier breakdown.

"_Enough of your foolishness, enough! You are the Fire Lady, now assert yourself!" Masora had shouted at her as she tied Mai's obi._

Mai felt a twinge of pain in her cheek as the remembered the sharp slap her mother had delivered to snap her out of her self-pitying daze. _"You won't behave like this when Zuko arrives. You will not embarrass yourself or this family further."_

'_But I am not embarrassing myself. He is embarrassing me. He is betraying me.' _Mai thought angrily as she continued to stare across from her at Zuko.

They were sharing brunch on the balcony of Zuko's room, though neither had touched their food. With the exception of servants periodically coming in to see if there were any plates to take away, they were alone. His distraction and agitation irritated her to no end. It was clear that he was here out of obligation. The corners of her lips turned down slightly in disgust as she thought of how desperately he probably wanted to be away from her and back with his lover.

"Something wrong Mai?" Zuko finally asked, taking her expression to be a look of illness rather than disgust.

"I only wondered if you were well, my lord? You don't seem like yourself at all." She said dispassionately, her tone was almost sarcastic.

Zuko frowned at her response. He couldn't miss the look of repugnance in her eyes nor did he miss the mockery in the way she called him 'my lord.'

"I am well enough. I'm just a little distracted by some things going on at court." Zuko replied in an empty tone. He was careful to maintain a neutral expression as he said this though his heart squeezed tightly as he thought of Katara's words again.

"What events?" Mai asked, face remaining expressionless.

"Nothing for you to worry about you seem to be stressed enough and you really must try to be calm for the next couple of months." Zuko said with a forced smile.

"Oh Zuko, you can tell me what's bothering you. I am your wife therefore I should be in your council as I once was. Don't you remember when you used to tell me everything? I want to know what is worrying you. Perhaps I can help." Mai replied with a bittersweet smile.

"You ought to focus on your pregnancy Mai. You don't need to trouble yourself with senseless court affairs. My troubles will pass." Zuko mumbled staring at his plate.

"So then it is not a deep concern about the country that is distracting you?" Mai persisted, eyes narrowing.

Zuko hesitated but then answered honestly. "No, it is not."

"What then? The waterbender? I noticed she has been more withdrawn lately. Have you two had a fight?"

"No, she has been ill recently but not fight." Zuko responded, preferring the half truth to an outright lie. It was common knowledge around the court through the rumors that Zuko's councilors had started that Katara was homesick and not feeling well at all. It was easy to believe since she kept to her rooms and was often sick in the mornings from her pregnancy. Mai didn't need to know more than that. Katara leaving him wasn't her problem and revealing that they were fighting would only bring up more questions which might lead to a truth he felt Mai was in no condition to handle.

"Perhaps she ought to spend some time away then." Mai shrugged.

"Away?" Zuko frowned. He didn't need to be reminded of what it was that Katara claimed she wanted. It pained him to think about it. He was starting to feel ill and really wished this brunch was over. He had no desire to be here. He didn't want to see anyone right now. He needed to talk to Katara but she wouldn't see him. He needed time to devise a plan to calm her down and win her back. More than anything, he wanted to lie in his bed and be miserable for a while. He wanted most desperately to not be sitting with his wife while he was in agony over another woman. He shook his head silently at the cruel joke his life was rapidly becoming.

"Well, you certainly don't want to catch whatever she has and even I know that she hasn't been attending council meetings of late. We shouldn't allow her to start an epidemic." Mai sniffed, feeling the need to be cruel after the way Zuko winced when she mentioned sending Katara away. "I certainly shouldn't be around her. We wouldn't want any harm to come to the baby now would we?"

"Mai, I highly doubt she will start an epidemic. She is merely exhausted. Her position has been hard work and she is adjusting to a new climate and different foods. So many changes puts a lot of strain on the body."

"Really? Her position doesn't seem so hard to me and she's certainly been here long enough to be used to our food. Perhaps it is not her work for the court that tires her so..." Mai paused leaving the statement open to interpretation. She flashed a sarcastic smile at Zuko before stabbing into a chunk of fruit. She felt mildly satisfied watching the juices bleed out.

Zuko stared at her and then the piece of fruit. _'Does she know?'_ He wondered. After all, there were spies everywhere at court. He wouldn't be all that surprised if she knew. It was however odd that she wouldn't have called him on it point blank if someone had told her. He watched her closely for a minute and then decided to play it safe until he knew more of what she was getting at.

"What are you saying Mai?" He asked slowly, suspiciously.

"Nothing, I am only suggesting that if she finds life here so strenuous she ought to return to where she came from. I could easily do her job. You have more than enough advisors and she's apparently miserable. You shouldn't have to suffer her complaints after you've been so gracious to her."

"She has done a lot of good for the country." Zuko countered, keeping his face neutral. "She's got great insights into the needs of the other nations and is a true asset to our foreign policy council. She sees things from a perspective that none of my other councils could even begin to imagine. It's a perspective that you don't have either, since you were born and raised in the Fire Nation."

"I think she has too much influence, especially for an outsider." Mai shrugged.

"An outsider?" Zuko echoed.

"Yes!"

"Mai, she is our friend and the key benefit to adding her to the council is that she's not from the fire nation. She's not biased and she's by far the most honest person in the room."

"Perhaps she is your friend and perhaps once she was mine but all I see now is a social climber. What happened to the Avatar? Did he tire of caring for such a malcontent little girl? Is that why he left her here?"

Zuko flinched at the mention of the Avatar. He could feel his temper rising as Mai continued to insult the woman he loved. A part of him was blaming Mai for Katara being so upset which was making it difficult for him to maintain his composure. After everything that had happened so far today this was definitely a conversation he shouldn't be having because there was only so long he could filter his responses.

"You are angry because she is not royalty? You can't be her friend because she's not from the fire nation? And she is certainly not a child, especially in comparison to Aang! He didn't leave her here. She stayed by choice." Zuko snapped.

"No, Zuko! No, I am angry because she is a whore!" Mai shouted.

The two sat in silence following Mai's outburst. They glared at each other angrily. Zuko was slightly shocked that she had finally brought it up but also somewhat relieved that she was bringing it up because keeping everything inside was driving him insane. He had wondered when this fight would occur between them. It was insanity that they had gone for so long without this fight in light of all the gossip swirling around the court. The timing was terrible for them to finally be having this confrontation due to his already raised emotions but at the same time it might be good for him to get this out of the way. Unfortunately, he could scarcely remember all the things he had planned to say to keep the situation under control to protect the baby when they had this show down. He had so been hoping this would happen during a less volatile trimester.

Mai was breathing harshly trying to reign in her emotions. She looked away from Zuko to get a hold of herself. She couldn't let him see her break. His defense of Katara made her feel ill. She looked back at him and could see the anger in his face. She hadn't seen such fury in quite some time, especially not directed at her. A soft gasp escaped her as she recognized that she may have pushed him too far. Without a thought she brought a hand to her belly as if to guard herself from whatever words he would attack her with.

Zuko opened his mouth prepared to snap back when he noticed Mai's unconscious protective gesture and suddenly he felt defeated. This was insanity. How could he yell at her right now? She was at her most vulnerable and he'd be in a worse state if he caused her to lose their baby because of his bad mood. They couldn't have this fight right now. He needed to calm her down. He needed to maintain his temper. He had to remember that she was highly emotional right now. He balled his hands into fists and took a deep breath and then released both slowly trying to calm down. He had to remember that Mai was actually the victim here not him. He was hurt but he was hurting her worse at the end of the day.

"She's not a whore, Mai." Zuko said quietly, after some time. He kept his eyes on the table in case there were any signs of guilt there.

"Zuko, I'm not a fool. I've seen the way the men of this court follow after her and she does nothing to dissuade them. In fact she encourages their attention. She is the ring leader for wanton behavior." Mai snorted, forgetting her decision to not push so hard as soon as he began defending Katara again.

"Don't be jealous Mai. She is young and beautiful; men will be attracted to her whether she wants their attention or not. That doesn't make her a whore. She can't control them. The women here are all jealous of her and so she keeps company with men. She has always been surrounded by more men than women that's not strange to her and it doesn't make her a whore."

"I am jealous of no one, least of all her." Mai spat, highly insulted by the suggestion that Katara might be better than her in any way.

"You have always been a jealous woman, Mai. Let's be honest about that. It is simply in your nature to want to be the most sought after woman at court and it makes sense because you are beautiful. There is no doubt about it. The fascination men have with her exotic appearance will not last forever and you will be the favorite of the court again. Katara is a passing fancy because she is different. The men of this court have had years to admire you."

"It is not the court's favor that I seek because you are right _**their**_ fascination will pass." Mai grumbled.

"Then you are simply calling her a whore out of spite? You've just decided not to like her because she's not from the fire nation and because she's pretty?" Zuko burst out feeling frustrated again. He was finding it increasingly difficult to try to keep this on a path that led to a peaceful resolution. He wanted Mai to just say she hated Katara and leave it at that but he couldn't be silent as she kept on insulting the younger woman.

Mai ground her teeth, tired of this lengthy, pointless dialogue. She raised her eyes to his and held his gaze steadily. She challenged him with her hard stare. It made her even angrier that he held her gaze so steadily and she could find no remorse in his eyes. She saw nothing but irritation sparking in his golden gaze.

"What reason do I truly have to be jealous, as you have accused me? I couldn't care less about the desires of the men at court. I am a married woman so what cause do I have for jealousy when my beloved husband is so loyal and loving towards me?" She demanded.

Zuko frowned. He was caught off guard by the question for it was less of a question, more of an accusation. It was a spot on and well deserved accusation but there was no way this was going to end as he hoped with them agreeing to disagree over Katara's presences at court. Mai was digging for the truth. Zuko's eyes dropped to her belly as he contemplated how to answer her.

"What cause do I have?" Mai yelled, angry that he didn't respond right away.

Taking a deep breath, Zuko chose his answer carefully knowing what it was she was really after. In his mind he kept reminding himself that he had to protect their baby which meant he couldn't get Mai overly riled up by whatever response he gave. "Well, you will have heard some talk about her and me. The court is abuzz with these rumors and has been for some time."

"Naturally, the whole court if not the entire country has heard the talk Zuko." Mai snarled.

"That would make you jealous. It would make any woman jealous and it's only been reinforced by the way the men of the court look at her."

"Only because you look at her too and do not deny it Zuko because that would just be an insult to my intelligence." Mai said holding up a hand when Zuko opened his mouth to speak. "Still, if you can assure me that there is no other basis for these rumors then I have no reason to be jealous and we can be in agreement that it would be ridiculous for me to be jealous of that woman."

"You don't really think it has gone beyond that." Zuko scoffed, avoiding answering.

"I won't contemplate it, if you will tell me that it is not true." Mai deadpanned.

"Mai, you can't possibly believe the court rumor mill. It's always buzzing with some sort of embellished story. It'll do you no good in your state to be listening to gossip."

"If you can assure me that the rumors haven't a grain of truth to them, no matter the extravagance, then I will not listen." Mai intoned, refusing to back down. "I have heard plenty of gossip in the time that we have been married but none so bad as this and it is so frequently repeated. I have to wonder why the story has not passed on to something more interesting. Why is everyone so stuck on this if it isn't true?"

"I think it is a very poor choice for you to listen to such base talk." Zuko said looking away from her. He wondered how long he could avoid answering her question.

"I'm not listening to them; I am listening to you, right here, right now. I am listening very carefully at this very moment and you haven't answered my question, Zuko. Tell me right now, can you swear to me, on your honor, that you are not in love with Katara and that you have not and are having an affair with her nor thinking of leaving me for her?"

"Why would you even ask me that?" Zuko spluttered after a long pause. _'Why do you want so desperately to hurt yourself? To hurt our baby? She must know this conversation can lead nowhere good by now since she's so set on it and can see how desperately I'm trying not to answer.'_

"Because I need to know, Zuko; I need you to say it. Do you or do you not want to replace me with Katara as everyone is saying?" Mai demanded.

"Mai, I'm sure you would never consent to stepping aside even if it had crossed my mind." Zuko said, exasperated by the entire conversation. He was devastated over Katara's desire to leave him. He didn't need this right now. In light of the current situation it didn't seem that it would make much difference what he wanted either way.

Mai's entire body was frozen. She stared at his face taking deep breaths and holding back the urge to vomit. Her hands curled into tiny fists and then she released them. She felt angry tears pricking the backs of her eyes. She grasped the edges of the table trying to hold on to her composure.

"Mai…" Zuko said quietly suddenly noticing how rigid her body had gone. _'Oh gods.'_ Zuko thought, glancing around for a lingering servant. They had vacated the area quietly towards the beginning of the fight but now he was contemplating shouting for them. _'If I have caused a miscarriage…'_ He panicked, watching his wife closely, waiting for any indication that she needed assistance. "Mai, I'm so so-"

She could hear the apologetic tone of his voice so she cut him off before he could sooth her into ignoring what he had just said. "Enough, Zuko, enough of this. I just want the truth. I am sick and unhappy. I can't keep doing this, living with the lies and the rumors that seem so very true. Just tell me the truth; do you want to be rid of me? Do you plan to replace me? You owe me at least that."

"Mai, what are you thinking? Why do you keep asking me this? What does it matter? You are my wife. We have been together all of these years, why now?"

"I just want to know if you want to be released from our marriage vows. Do you feel that I am no longer the wife you want, the wife you need, after so many years? We have no children, save the child within me now, and perhaps that is why your feelings have changed if that is the case. I want you to tell me now, if you had the chance to do it all over again, would you still choose me or is there someone else? And if the answer is someone else, please tell me honestly, do you want to separate? Do you want to be with her now? I can't keep hearing these things and worrying that they are true. These rumors are more poisonous to our child than hearing the truth because they make me crazy. They make me pace and worry and feel wretched, all the time now I feel wretched and I want it to end so tell me what you want. Tell me the truth now."

Zuko was silent. He was no fool. It was clear to him that she was not backing down from this and he could no longer avoid it. He should feel guilty. He should feel lower than low. He had been caught outright and he couldn't lie any more. He should feel truly relieved to finally get the burden off of his chest and then beg her forgiveness but instead all he could feel was anger; anger at himself, anger at Mai, anger at Katara, and anger at Aang. Everyone who had been in love had gotten hurt and all of it for no reason because it was over now.

This was not how he wanted to do this. He had planned to ease her into the separation. He had planned to be calm, cool, and collected when they had this conversation. He had wanted to care about her feelings and place her comfort above all others when this time came but he couldn't do that now. She was demanding the truth and he was in no mood to be gentle. He was in no position to care when she pressed him so hard for the truth. He wanted to protect his child but he couldn't continue to lie or evade the truth because they would be out here all day and the only thing he wanted was to be left the hell alone.

"It doesn't matter what I want now!" Zuko shouted.

"What do you mean?" Mai frowned. She was angry that he wasn't answering her question. She was angry that he continued to evade the truth.

"She ended it, Mai! She's going back to Aang. She loves me and she knows it even if she won't say it but she is going to him. She would rather continue to live a lie and for what? Everyone is still going to be hurt! No one is going to feel better because of this. And I can't protect you. I can't protect our child because you are so insistent on hurting yourself. I'm done protecting you if you won't protect yourself." Zuko exploded.

"Is that why you have been so agitated? Because she's given you up?" Mai growled.

"Yes." Zuko admitted, shoulders drooping. He sank down into his seat with a sigh. He clenched his fist, fighting off the need to cry. She was leaving him for Aang. The harsh reality made him ill. He loved her and she was leaving him because she couldn't deal with the guilt of hurting two innocent people so she was settling for hurting one and breaking his heart forever.

"It is over between Katara and me. She wants to mend things with Aang. So regardless of whether or not you are the woman I truly want to be with for the rest of my life, we are together. We are man and wife, whether we have children or not, whether we mend things and live the rest of our lives tolerating each other, or whether we die hating each other." Zuko surmised gloomily.

He dropped his head into his hands and continued to breathe deeply, trying to hold in his emotions.

"You are very upset about Katara ending things." Mai observed.

"I have never felt worse in my life. I'm absolutely heartbroken." He choked out.

She didn't respond. She just watched him as he attempted to reign in his emotions. She watched the rise and fall of his back and how he flinched whenever his breath hitched in an attempt to keep in the tears. She stared at him until he swallowed his grief and raised his head to look at her with pained eyes. Once upon a time her heart would have ached to see him in so much pain but her face was hard as stone as she stared at him.

"Were you lovers or did you just have feelings for her?" She whispered after a moment of staring at him.

"Does it really matter now?"

"Were you? You might as well tell me the truth now. I have guessed as much but I want you to be honest with me and say it."

"Yes, Mai, yes we were lovers." He sighed, dropping his head back into his hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't want… I wasn't going to tell you this way."

Mai's jaw clenched as Zuko apologized. Her chair fell over and clattered loudly against the ground as she stood sharply. Zuko looked up at the woman glaring down on him. Her whole body shook as she drew in deep breaths. He could not tell what she was thinking as she seemed to tower over him with her emotions building her up. When she spoke, he was surprised by how calm her voice was.

"Sorry is hardly good enough, Zuko. You have made a very grave mistake. Perhaps you have forgotten the true nature of the woman you married over the years that we have been together because it is clear that you have forgotten what insults I will and will not tolerate. I am a noble woman by birth and I am to be shown a certain level of respect that even the Fire Lord cannot ignore. You have mistaken yourself and how you ought to live with honor and dignity. You must be out of your mind if you think saying sorry will fix this and if you think I will sympathize with your heartbreak. Me, your wife who you have betrayed! Me who is hurt most by this, me who has tried again and again to give you a worthy heir, me who has been constant in her love and never looked to another man, no matter the divide that has grown between us. Me, who has clearly wasted her life, loving you! You are a fool Zuko and she is whore! I nearly lost everything because I love you. I risked my life to save you because I love you. I have always loved you and never wavered in that." Mai snarled. With that she turned sharply and left his room.

* * *

Credit to Philippa Gregory's The Virgin's Lover for a great dialogue to base this fight on. Please Review :)


End file.
